


Nature's Will

by Shatsan



Category: Frozen (Disney Movies)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Awkward Romance, Clueless Elsa, Disney Songs, Eventual Romance, F/F, Falling In Love, Fifth Spirit Elsa, First Love, Fluff and Angst, Give Elsa A Girlfriend (Disney), Humor, Idiots in Love, Lesbian Elsa (Disney), Post-Frozen 2 (2019), Self-Acceptance, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Useless Lesbians
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-15
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:08:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 53,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21758077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shatsan/pseuds/Shatsan
Summary: "Or are you the one right out there who is going to love me?Who knows deep down I'm not like women should be?"Ahtohallan is going crazy and so does Elsa's heart.Are things like they seem though, or freeing the Enchanted Forest was just the first step to achieve true peace? Is there something bigger in the background, moving and forming every inch of their world?Honeymaren and her evolving family is right with her to fix what King Runeard's fear had caused thirty-four years ago.
Relationships: Elsa & Honeymaren (Disney), Elsa/Honeymaren (Disney), elsamaren - Relationship
Comments: 88
Kudos: 250





	1. Our spot

The cliff below her was hugging the orange valley which in the dark night looked like a sea of deep bronze leaves. It's been a few days since the Enchanted Forest was freed from the fog, but Elsa could never get over this blessed view. She felt so amazed by the forest each time she allowed herself a minute to admire it, but she's never really seen it melted together with the sky.

The pitch black shadow in the distance that used to be the dam, however, had never had such reflections of beauty, as if Nature had been trying to render it as a signal of danger and treason. It was no longer to be seen though, and perhaps it made the Moon cast a brighter smile on this sacred land. Instead, there was a huge dark blue path bringing floating diamonds in its wake: the moonlit river. Ahtohallan.

"There's a river, full of memory..."

_"Come my darling homeward bound..."_

"I am found." Hummed Elsa as she was sitting on the rough surface of a tree bark, propped on the elbows and gazing at this mesmerising scene.

_"I am proud of you, Daughter."_

A discreet grin stretched upon her face as she whispered back into the light breeze, letting Gale carry away her voice. "Thank you, Mother." In response, the air ran a gentle hand along her long blonde waves.

Her destiny has been fulfilled and she _finally_ felt like herself.

Elsa was startled when the bushes behind her started trembling and the autumn leaves crackled under footsteps, so she couldn't help but snap around and send out a handful of ice into the darkness. She then heard a squeal and the next moment there was a dim frame of a woman emerging from the shadows. First she noticed a leather hat covered in shiny ice, followed by a boot stepping out cautiously, and a hand sticking out a spear to lift the rest of the body.

Her voice seemed shaky with surprise but cheeky enough to make Elsa calm a bit. "Quite jumpy, are we?"

"Honeymaren." She breathed out in an unusually high pitch, still grasping her heart. As she took another glance at the girl's frozen cap however, she immediately went colder than ever and could only stutter desperately as she hastily got up and stumbled towards the girl.  
"Oh no! Please forgive me-"

Honeymaren quickly took her hands before Elsa could fall and huskily chuckled. "Hey, it's okay."

She shook her head. "No, you don't understand." She sighed and ran a frustrated hand through her hair. "The last time I hit someone in the head I ended up behind my chamber door for years."

The confused look on Honeymaren's face softened. "It was your sister, wasn't it." Saying it out loud made her frown with worry though.

Elsa nodded in silence before saying steadily, rather to herself than the girl in front of her. "It is over now. Anna is safe and this is what matters."

A few more minutes passed, and Honeymaren waited patiently for Elsa to say anything else. She didn't.

"Anyway." She began just to change the subject and try to well... break the ice. "How could you find the most hidden place this forest ever held?"

"Well-" Elsa chuckled, much less edgy than before. "I have always had an urge to go _into the unknown."_

"Same here. However, now that there are already two of us knowing about this spot, it's officially off from the secret list, is it?"

"Are you trying to say I've ruined your personal hideout and that I should elegantly call my goodbyes?" Elsa asked in one long breath, rising an eyebrow but also showing a hint of her smile. It made the other girl laugh and bow dramatically.

"Of course not, Your Majesty."

The last time she was called like that was barely a week ago, yet it already felt so distant it made Elsa cringe.

"Please, I'm not a queen anymore."

Honeymaren pursed her lips but quickly figured out something else. "What about..." She didn't finish it but made Elsa smile anyways. "That's dumb." She mumbled under her breath.

"Just call me Elsa."

"Oh. Okay. I'm just like, super thrilled over everything that happened in the past days. You made my wildest dream come true you know."

"Seeing the sky?"

Honeymaren nodded. "Yes. So... As for this place I'm just pointing out we should seek something _new_ soon. Dive _into the unknown_ as you said."

Suddenly, Elsa noticed they were still holding hands and her natural need for distance made her stand back.

"Um... You mean, together?"

The Northuldra shrugged. "Why not. I was thinking about showing you around or something. You made it easier to do so by finding my hidden place. Um, I- I didn't quite have the chance to approach you yet." As she moved however, the weight of the ice pulled her hat, making it slip and fall down. Honeymaren's reflexes were quicker though, so she caught it in time.

"Could you?"

Elsa let out a nervous laugh-like grunt and wrote a graceful circle in the air, freeing the fabric from her magic.

"Sorry." She mumbled, turned back and sat back on the tree, clumsily patting it as an invitation. Honeymaren hung her cap on a nearby branch to let it dry before following her, and soon they were sitting there side by side. Elsa didn't dare to look at her even though she was curious to see the girl without her cap.

"Do you-" She didn't know how to put it for it still seemed like a foolish vision. She folded her arms around herself - a common posture of hers - but before she could open her mouth, Honeymaren spoke warmly to her surprise.

"Do I know how you can hear your mother through Nature?"

"How could you guess?"

"I heard you singing and calling out for her, and apparently I know the answer." When she saw Elsa's rigid posture loosening up, she continued on. "You are the Fifth Spirit. You are definitely a very part of this world if not this entire universe, right? Truth is we all are, and even though we have a much less deep connection to Nature than you, we can still benefit from its ancient magic."

"Yes. My father told the Northuldra used to be friends with the Spirits. They used to help your ancestors."

Honeymaren beamed. "And thanks to you, we all can get back to that." She slid down to the ground and from then on she was leaning against the trunk, her arms under her head and her legs stretched out. Her feet were already hanging near the edge of the cliff.

Elsa just watched her in an awe she couldn't quite point her finger on. Even though they were still some kind of strangers, Honeymaren's presence always managed to make her somewhat eased. The confidence and pure joy that radiated off her was so sweet it kept putting a spell on Elsa, and suddenly but less to her surprise she remembered the night when the two of them were settled by the campfire, talking about the Spirits sewed onto Iduna's scarf. Which felt more shocking however, was the way her hands began to tingle, longing for some warmth for the very first time in her life. Even the feeling itself seemed so impossible and unfamiliar that she could only guess by the way she recalled the moment when Honeymaren took her hands in hers. Yet again her nerves grew over her, so she couldn't help but scoot a few inches away.

"Can you hear her too?" She asked and her gaze never left the girl though. Luckily for her Honeymaren wasn't looking, but at the same time it started to feel more and more creepy to just stare at her.

"No." She chuckled and then _finally_ turned her head to glance over at Elsa. "But I'd really like to. I mean I won't be able to hear her anyways but I'm curious. Can you send her a message?"

Elsa pursed her lips. "It's usually Mother to speak first. How can _I_ call her?"

"I'm not sure how I did it, but when I used to cope with problems I just came here and attempted to focus on Nature."

Elsa's eyes widened at that. "Right here?" She asked.

Honeymaren grinned and gestured all around her. "Right here. Maybe this place has a unique energy and it actually urged you to find itself." Meanwhile she stood up and walked behind Elsa. "Like I said, you just gotta focus."

When Elsa's posture tensed once again, she grabbed her shoulders and softly shook her up, unaware of the small heart attack she unintentionally caused.

"Focus, but not like _this_." She murmured, her motions turning into circulating massage. "Even a blind one can see how reserved and anxious you are. Concentration doesn't involve anxiety, Elsa."

"B-But I..."

 _"I know your eyes are snapped tight, dear."_ The Northuldran sang.

Elsa couldn't help but protest in a similar tune.

_"You don't even see-"_   
_"I sense it here."_

Elsa sighed as she was too tired of hiding it any longer. "It's complicated."

Honeymaren's hands halted at that, but just for the time she didn't speak in tunes. "We'll never be late to solve it. _I'm sure you'll heal in time."_

_"I need someone who's mine."_

Soon enough their voices were molded in a sweet, symmetric melody guided by the Forest's swirling energy.

_"I know I'm cold but change's not fast."_

_"You ain't freezing just lost in past._ "

_"Your fate is safe, you're almost free."_   
_"My fate is safe, I'm almost free."_

She bent down to whisper the last line into Elsa's ear. _"All you have to do..."_

_"...is feel."_   
_"...is feel."_

For a few moments there were nothing else to be heard than the rustling of Ahtohallan beyond, and the sound of Gale who was probably trying to hush naughty children into slumber. And of course, the deep breaths of the Fifth Spirit.

"How's that we keep ending up singing together?" Honeymaren giggled as she straightened up and let Elsa's shoulders. Elsa herself wasn't sure whether she finally felt at complete ease but nevertheless she had this shy smile on her face while she was watching her own hands. The tingles from earlier were nowhere to be found.

"At least it wasn't a warning lullaby." She said, but when she glanced back at Honeymaren, the girl didn't look as joyful as before.

"I'm sorry." She began while kneeling in front of Elsa. "I don't really know what happened to you in the past because I had rather felt creepy watching that living snowman of yours jumping all around and telling your story in a nutshell."

Elsa laughed at this unusually frank confession. "His name is Olaf. And don't you worry, he's not a lunatic."

"I know. Point is I still can't believe that we're here and on the other hand I so badly want to be a part of it. A part of my savior." She paused then and Elsa just knew. The blush on her pale face was too obvious even in this dim moonlight. However, it made the Northuldra smile. "Don't be shy about it. You _are_ our savior and now I want to be _yours_. Here's the plan: we'll roam the Enchanted Forest, I'll teach you everything I know. You will be able to let go all of your restrained power and emotions. You'll have a deeper connection to Nature when you learn her. And most importantly... If you're willing to open up, I'm right here."

Elsa needed some time to think it through. She turned back to her hands. What on Earth was this weird feeling? Was it _not_ a coincidence that they met at this secret spot? Elsa needed answers. And Honeymaren was right: most importantly she needed _company._

"I'm in."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't sure how to put this singing scene but I also knew that I HAD TO do it. It was just SO Elsamaren. Then I realized it actually can be sang on the melody of When You Believe from The Prince Of Egypt lol.  
> Take care!


	2. Lesson one: fun

And so they agreed. That night they walked back home side by side, hands occasionally brushing, and our one and only clueless Elsa still had no idea about the source of that intense need capturing her body. All she could notice was the way this feeling kept creeping on her at the other moment, how it vanished in the next, only to return once again and repeat all. Her skin has always been cold, _it never bothered her anyway,_ and even the people around her have got used to it.

She was just... well, Elsa: Princess, Queen, Spirit. Chilly outside, covered in stern ice and snow, but such a sensitive, fragile soul on the inside.

The past days she felt like this imagined layer of ice on her skin that was supposed to shield her, has begun to melt, leaving her flesh with these swapping waves of extreme desire and calmness. So vulnerable and exposed and at the same time, very intoxicating. It also felt just simply... absurd. The heat itself didn't mean such a difference as it required quite a hard work to warm her up completely. Nevertheless, each time her skin experienced this unknown warmth it made her soul scorch with anticipation.

So after Honeymaren escorted Elsa to her own tent, for the very first time in her life she thought she would _freeze_ to death. She didn't, of course, but she definitely considered this night one of the worst in her life. And she didn't even know why.

* * *

The next morning she was greeted by Yelena.

"Have you not slept well, dear? You don't look so rested." She asked.

 _Great_.

Elsa smiled shyly. "I have never been a good sleeper."

The elder Northuldra just smirked and gestured at Elsa to follow her. "Come on, are you trying to scam someone such prehistoric like me? Let us grab something from Mother Earth's cornucopia and have some talk, shall we?"

Elsa sighed but obeyed. They settled in the centre of the camp where the rest of the tribe was already recharging their energy for the day. The gastronomy here was no different from Arendelle, although the inhabitants here had different ways of consuming food and eating desserts. It wasn't something Elsa couldn't get used to, in fact she enjoyed having breakfast in this different environment. The only little thing she missed was Anna and the rest. Their absence could apply to everything though, for Elsa's mind never missed a minute wondering about them.

"I know you miss your family." Yelena began. "But remember, you're a part of _this_ family too."

Elsa shook her head. "Don't worry, it's not that. I've chosen my path and I didn't regret it once." She remembered Honeymaren's words. " _I_ _belong up here,_ and finally in my life I'm not looking at it as a duty ought to be done. It's just... this is all new and I still feel so overwhelmed about it."

Yelena hummed as she processed Elsa's words.

"I believe the best company for you would be someone at your own age. I know you had to grow up too soon, but you're still a beautiful young woman, Elsa. Learn to truly enjoy your youth and everything will be fine."

"What do you mean?"

Yelena smiled warmly as she watched Elsa. "Look at me. Could I lift a heavy stone?"

Elsa frowned nervously. "I can't just point out that you're aged."

"Yes you can!" Yelena laughed. "Oh dear, we don't follow that kind of policy that you'd been raised in. It's okay to call me old, for time and ageing is the order of things, a fact we cannot ignore, so we must accept. So. Would my weakening muscles collapse under the weight of a huge stone?"

A little bit hesitant, but Elsa nodded.

"Indeed. Now take a look at yourself. Move your body. Do you feel your fibers? Do you feel how nutrition charges your system? You are young and energetic which means you've still got a lot of things waiting for you to explore them. And most importantly: passion."

"I see. But we shouldn't measure our potentials by physical strength."

"True. But could a group of elders like me build up a village? A whole legacy?"

Elsa bit her lip. "Probably not?"

"Probably not, and this is why we have you and the rest as our future and so on. Alright." Yelena clapped once and straightened up. "I see you're starting to get it."

But Elsa didn't think she actually did. She was about to protest when the elder Northuldra did something that surprised her, making words dissolve. She ran a gentle hand along her back before leaving, but despite the fact that it felt like a touch of her mother, it didn't affect her so significantly. That constant desire from yesterday remained, and now her theories were ruined.

"Honeymaren is waiting for you at the Eastern side of camp." She added as she took off.

* * *

"...so that reindeer baby was like, super sticky when he fell into that enormous bowl of jam. We spent three hours cleaning it all outta' his thick fluffy fur, and then he smelled like berry for a whole day."

Honeymaren was in the middle of a story while they were walking along an old path following a small river, but Elsa was rather busy drowning in her thoughts and this thrilling view around them. She has never seen this part of the Enchanted Forest and the feeling of seeing something new reminded her of the night when she had awoken the Spirits. Just after she had let her instincts lead her _into the unknown._ She was so absent-minded that if she had still worn heels she definitely wouldn't have been able to walk without tripping.

She flinched and froze a small path ahead of herself when Honeymaren peeked into her view and poked her shoulder, grinning and just as excited.

"Earth to Elsa."

"Honey- watch it!" She called out as Honeymaren took another step and slipped on the ice, an abrupt yelp - similar to the one from yesterday - escaping her mouth. The fall itself didn't look that bad since the ground was covered in a thick layer of dead leaves, but it made Elsa mentally sink anyways.

"Gods, if I had known you were trying to kill me, I would've signed a contract for Ahtohallan and payed my insurance."

"You're not making it better." She mumbled as her cheeks turned into a deeper shade of red. It made the other girl burst out with laughter.

"Water has memory, y'know. They'll see your attempts to murder me in cold blood." She snickered while peeking at Elsa from under her cap.

"Wha-"

"Nah, I was joking. Actually I tripped because I thought you were going to call me _Honey."_

"As in?"

Elsa only recieved a flirtatious wink as a reply, so at this point she was certain she owned the skin of a cursed chameleon, because her colour from red went into white. Honeymaren wouldn't give up though.

"Come on, have you turned _yourself_ into _snow_?"

Elsa then did something she's never done ever in her life.

"Fuck it, stop."

"Hey, don't take it..."

Honeymaren halted between giggles when she noticed Elsa's face. The Fifth Spirit wasn't even aware she _knew_ this word. Her expression must have been exact because Honeymaren mirrored it as she stared at her.

"You've never sworn, have you?"

Elsa however, being still our well-behaved Elsa, just remained silent and put on a neutral face. She stretched out a hand for the girl, hoping they would forget it and continue on, but that didn't happen. Honeymaren straightened and moved into a cross-legged position, folding her arms as well.

"Nope. I ain't that easy. If you intend to play stubborn then I gotta do so."

Elsa didn't like it. "What do you want?" She fussed.

"Fun." It was a simple word. At least it seemed to be.

"Fun."

Honeymaren flinched. "Duh, it sounded horrible from you. Say it just a little... funnier?"

"What kind of game is this?"

Her blunt voice just kept annoying Elsa. "Exactly. It's a game. Now say it."

"I swear I'll leave you right here."

But the Northuldra's pleading gaze stirred something inside her. Elsa rolled her eyes.

"Fine. Fun."

Honeymaren beamed. "We'll have to practice but it does the trick for now. Alright. Yes, fun."

"Yes?"

"Yes. Our first lesson is to have fun."

Once again, Elsa frowned incredulously. "Fun?"

Honeymaren groaned and sang _once again_ in an exasperated tone, throwing up her arms and stretching the word, all done with great drama. "Fun!"

"But what kind of lesson is this?"

"It's your personal _let's make the Fifth Spirit have fun_ lesson." When they both sighed with frustration, the Northuldra's voice softened. She let her arms down and her expression became serious. "Trust me. You know..."

She attempted to stand up, but apparently her butt was frozen to the icy ground below her. Elsa chuckled and grabbed the Northuldra's hand to pull her up. However, she almost dropped Honeymaren right then and there as that familiar heat surged through her veins.

 _Oh n_ _ot again!_ But well, yes. _Again_ , she _concealed_ her reaction and waited patiently for Honeymaren to brush away the leaves and dirt. They then continued their way, Elsa trying her best to ignore the butterflies in her stomach.

"Well. So far you've lived your life chained up by roles, manners and rules. Am I right?"

"A week ago I was still a queen, of course I have." Elsa rubbed the back of her head. "But it wasn't always like that. Me and my sister would play all day when we were little."

"Um... Before the accident?"

"Yes. But I still don't understand why we need to talk about this."

"Because we're still _little_. In fact, we're at the peak of our lives and Nature has big plans for us. For me. For _you_. And it's not only about your duties as the Fifth Spirit."

"Then what is?"

The Northuldra flashed a toothy grin and snickered lightly. "It's generally the easiest one for us, but for you it seems otherwise. _Freedom_ _,_ Elsa. What does it remind you of?"

Elsa bit her lip as the gears in her mind were spinning.

"Magic." She said eventually.

"Good. You've found your freedom in your powers, but there must be so much more in you beyond that. Magic is a vast part of you, but it shouldn't define you, for you're still a fragile human being as far as I'm concerned. It's obvious you've got _feelings_ that have to be explored."

"I- I don't know." Elsa could only stutter as she remembered those feelings that have been bothering her... and her body. "Maybe you're right." She mumbled under her breath, curling into her own arms.

"It's okay. We're about to figure you out."

In the meantime they could hear the sound of a waterfall in the distance, and they were just silently walking beside each other from then on. Both lost in thoughts and just enjoying the sunlight piercing through the trees, the light shuffling of leaves under their footsteps, and the deep drumming of water becoming louder as they approached.

 _Strangely loud_ , Elsa wondered. When they actually arrived, however, she just gawked.

"Your reaction is just like how I imagined." Honeymaren chuckled as they proceeded the view of this enormous cliff letting the river crash below. The waterfall ended in a large lake which had a part of it narrowed into the continuation of the river. Elsa remained silent.

"Fun fact: yes, we're full of high cliffs." Honeymaren added, referring to the similar environment from yesterday.

"I see, but _this one_ must be as high as an Eart Giant." Elsa whispered, unable to tear her gaze from the spacious hollow.

"It _is_ an Earth Giant." The Northuldra stated blatantly and pointed at a certain part of the rock below. When Elsa examined it, and eventually noticed the lines of a big nose and a pair of shoulders peeking out of the blue waves, her jaw dropped.

"Looks like he fell asleep during shower time." Honeymaren snickered.

Elsa wasn't convinced. "Are you for real?"

"I wouldn't have been like a week ago when they'd had a natural urge to smash your head into pieces." Honeymaren shrugged and now turned to face her, a mischievous glint in her deep brown eyes. "But aren't you the one who turned them into good guys?"

Elsa chuckled and timidly tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "I may be."

"Good. Like I said, you're gonna deepen your connection with Nature, and thus with Ahtohallan. The elders would tell us about a game they used to play with the Air Spirits. We would be disappointed each time to realize we were never gonna have the chance to do it, as we'd lost our connection with them. But since peace has been re-established and we're able to interact with good old pal Spirits, I've been craving to try this."

Elsa still looked a bit concerned but took a deep breath at last. "Okay." Was all she said, but even this small gesture made Honeymaren's eyes widen and her body jump uncontrollably with excitement.

"I knew you would like it!" She grinned once again. "Come on, I'll tell you how it goes." She grabbed Elsa's hand and dragged her closer to the border. "It's like, super easy. Call Gale and jump!"

"What?!"

Before Elsa could do anything, the Northuldra was already behind her, and next she knew her feet lost their ground, her hair flinging upwards as her body gave in to gravity.

"And don't you _dare_ use ice!" Was all she heard before every sound was blocked by the symmetry between her heart slamming against her chest and the wild water rushing along with her. She was well aware of her scream but even that was lost in this speed. She so _wanted_ to use her powers, she already visualized the form of the delicate ramp softening her fall. It only would have taken a soft movement of her hand to ensure her safety. However, suddenly her instincts suggested otherwise. She closed her eyes, ignoring all the noises around her and just focused on the _air_ smoothly sliding against her skin. Her instincts were telling her to take on the form of this wind, so she did.

When she finally landed and opened her eyes, all she saw was blue. But she wasn't _in_ the water but _above_ its surface, floating in the air upside down. Then she noticed those familiar orange leaves swirling around her, and for the first time in forever she burst out with relieved laughter.

"Gale!" She called out in fascination as she was carefully brought to the side of the waterfall. "You came!"

She then looked at her hands. _No ice, no magic._ Elsa let out a last incredulous giggle and turned her gaze up to see a brown point bouncing up there and gesturing wildly.

"Go get her." She told Gale, casting her warmest smile.

The spirit drew an excited circle and then shot up, ready to catch the Northuldra who was already falling with the same method. As she got closer with each second, Elsa could hear her enthusiastic squeal and it made her smile grow as she realized how glad she was to spend this day like this. And by the time Honeymaren reached the bottom - gripping her hat as if her life depended on it - Elsa was already grinning like a kid.

"This was awesome!" Honeymaren panted out when Gale flew her next to the Fifth Spirit. "And by the Gods, you actually loved it!" She pointed out when she saw this genuine grin.

Elsa shrugged. "Well I can't deny it, can I?"

"See? This is what fun looks like." Honeymaren couldn't help her cheeky comment, making Elsa roll her eyes.

"Anyway. Did you feel the same? Became one with the wind? Felt your body's energy explode yet your muscles relax?"

Elsa nodded, but the realization hit her a moment later. "Wait. Is that what Yelena tried to explain earlier?" She wondered aloud.

"The stuff about living your youth and savouring every moment of beauty?"

Yet again, Elsa looked confused but her reply was confident. "Well, yes. In fact..." She rubbed her chin, frowning thoughtfully. "I guess I get it."

"Tell me about it." Honeymaren jerked her head as an indication to follow her, and settled on the grass a few metres away. Elsa didn't really know how to start it, but she managed to gather her courage.

"You two were right. I've had such a strict life from a very young age that I almost forgot how to enjoy my youth and freedom. I... I thought my life was completed by becoming queen and later on the Fifth Spirit. But in fact, I'm still just..." She still couldn't figure this part out but wouldn't admit it. Then she remembered the day when they had that feast and she smiled absently. "Nevermind. I'm not saying I wasn't happy. People have come to accept and love me. It's just I wasn't entirely happy about _myself_. Does that even make sense?"

"I think so. What do you think was missing?"

 _Warmth,_ Elsa would have said right away, but couldn't bring herself to do so just yet.

"Besides my true destiny? I don't know yet. One thing is sure though: I've come closer to Nature and I definitely _love_ this kind of fun."

She didn't even notice how she scooted closer and closer to the girl. Neither of them did.

"One more thing. Sorry for pushing you." The Northuldra rubbed the back of her neck. "I just thought it would be more efficient this way."

Elsa perked up an eyebrow dramatically. "You could have got away if you hadn't mentioned it."

"Uh-oh."

"I _let it go_ though. For now." Elsa couldn't help but wink this time.

They shared a light giggle and both looked up at the waterfall, wincing at the abrupt snort of the sleeping Earth Giant towering above them.

"In this case, my dear Spirit..." The Northuldra winked at her and put a hand on her shoulder. "...you've learned your first lesson."


	3. Lesson two: origins

That day was just like the ones she used to spend with her sister, at least the hearthful laughters they shared reminded her of Anna and the little pieces of joy from her childhood.

They jumped again and again, Gale kept catching them each time while the Earth Giant slept peacefully or just patiently let them have fun on its body, Elsa wasn't sure. Honeymaren would grip her ice tunic whenever she summons the Nokk in order to help them get up through the waterfall, and Elsa would instinctively lean into the Northuldra. Occasionally her eyes would flutter shut as their bodies press together, but by the time she would realize whether she likes the feeling, they would reach the top and part.

Another time Honeymaren would ask her to jump together, and when she agrees they would hold hands and wouldn't let go until they're successfully brought to the ground by Gale. They would repeat this a few times and when Elsa catches herself clasping their fingers and rubbing small circles on Honeymaren's knuckles, she would feel herself panicking and a trail of light ice fractals leaving her feet. Fortunately it would go unnoticed though. She had genuinely no idea where these small but rather frightening motions of affection came from, all she knew was that it felt weird and she wanted to get rid of it.

So the next time Elsa would carefully excuse herself, escort Honeymaren to the Nokk for a last round, and while watching her jump she would whisper something into Gale's ear (for the gods' sake, just let us imagine he had invisible ears). Then she would just settle back on the grass, back exactly on the spot where her weight had already pressed its mark into the ground, and watch patiently. She would hear the Northuldra's never ending scream of thrill, and keep waiting, fiddling with a lonely strand of blonde hair. Gale would catch Honeymaren right before she could fall into the water, and after a brief pause...

... _s_ _plash._

A low giggle broke out of Elsa as she watched the girl shoot from the blue waves - stunned with surprise - and meet her gaze. Gale drew a mocking circle around her and flew back to Elsa, a mischievous purr leaving his form as he snuggled up to her face.

"You can't actually be serious." Honeymaren slurred, half of her face disappearing underneath the water as she swam to the shore. She propped herself up but didn't crawl out. Instead she began whining like a child, a thing Elsa has never seen her doing so. "This ain't fair!"

Nevertheless this newly found demeanor of hers entertained Elsa just well. Seeing this hardened warrior, ever so fine, all the way wise and calm and kind, now behaving like a pouty kid was just something that made the tug at her lips inevitable. She wasn't even aware of her open staring, and for some reason Honeymaren didn't remind her either. So much for driving away those strange butterflies in the stomach.

Her trail of thoughts was cut by the abrupt movement of air against her skin as Gale left her side to float back to Honeymaren, who seemed to be still pouting.

"Dang you Gale, I thought we were friends." She grumbled.

"You are." Elsa replied instead of the Spirit, smirking. "But I'm still the Fifth Spirit herself."

"Oh get over yourself." The Northuldra spat and reached out for the swirling orange leaves. "C'mon Gale, let's show _Miss Fifth Perfect Spirit_ that we rule."

When he stopped between the girls trying to decide, Elsa mirrored her, giving into the game. "Nah, I can make you cool snow to play with."

"I know all the places where you can get the nicest autumn leaves!"

"Gale!" Elsa called out in her sweetest tone, making the Spirit pull a bit closer to her. "Good boy." She cooed.

It clearly irritated Honeymaren and it made Elsa release a content chuckle. She recieved a deadly glare in exchange.

"Think about the colourful leaves!" The Northuldra whisper-shouted.

 _Out of ideas,_ Elsa thought and lazily put a hand on her hip, already considering this as a victory.

"You know you can play with my hair anytime, do you?"

_"Don't listen to her for m_ _y hair is much longer!"_

Elsa rolled her eyes. _"Music? Again? Y'know so much better."_

Honeymaren ignored her and continued her tune, focusing on the confused Spirit jerking himself back and forth as they fought over him. At this point both of them were charmingly tucking at their own hairs, trying to seduce the mischievous Spirit.

 _"It's also blonde, and shiny and lighter!_ "  
_"It's also chestnut, and smoother and richer!"_

 _"More hair to catch but less light to flicker."_ Elsa smirked and pointed at her head, circulating her index finger mockingly and thus making Honeymaren gasp, offended.

She no longer spoke in melodies, just narrowed her eyes as she said. "You won this one, _Snowflake._ "

Elsa's voice caught in her throat at the nickname and yet again she felt a little amount of magic slip out.

If she only knew what was yet to come...

"It's warm y'know." Honeymaren stated with a sharp change of demeanor, casually watching a single drop of liquid sliding along her index finger before looking back at Elsa. "It would have been my last surprise for you - end this day with a comfortable bath and have some evening chat. We've got a lot of hot springs out here."

When Elsa blinked incredulously she shrugged and turned away, calling over her shoulder dramatically. "Now you ruined it. Care to join though?"

Elsa blinked again as she felt her cheeks burn. Why on Earth has she done this anyway? To deny a feeling she didn't even know? Thinking it through, perhaps it made sense, but it didn't matter now that her prank resulted in the opposite way.

What did Honeymaren mean by bathing anyway? Were they supposed to be both... Gods, Elsa didn't even dare to form the word in her head. Still, should she at least wear her undergarments? Wait, was that even a _question?_ And _w_ _ait_ , did she really just consider accepting the girl's invitation? In all of a sudden, these little memories and questions threathened to stretch her skull and she found herself feeling dizzy.

Next she knew, however, was that she was already getting up and walking towards the shore. Honeymaren said it was hot, after all.

 _This is a b_ _ad idea. Turn back,_ she scolded herself though, and almost halted, even. Well, it was useless.

If she only knew what was _yet_ to come...

She arrived to the edge of the lake, just behind the Northuldra, and she was just about to grab at her white ice dress to melt it (planning to keep her underwear of course). However, she felt a hand around her ankle and the next moment she was already yanked into the water, the _ice-cold_ temperature biting into her flesh and making her yelp turn into a high pitched groan.

"Fu-"

"Another swear. We're getting somewhere."

"I did not."

"Yes you did!"

She snapped around to look at Honeymaren who was watching her with a neutral face, unmoving, leaning against the edge with her arms propped up.

"You have no idea how much strength it took for me not to laugh at this situation of yours." She said, her voice wavering sometimes, proving her point.

Elsa supposed her mind just actually froze as she was staring at the Northuldra, because the realization only hit her when the girl in front of her erupted in an enormous sneeze, splashing water in her own face. It was enough for her to finally start laughing as well, yet Elsa didn't follow her.

"Gods, how long have you been in here?" Elsa exclaimed in an utterly concerned tone and ran towards her as much as the liquid allowed. "This is not funny."

"It was like, super so freaking worth!" The girl squeezed out the words through gritted teeth, simultaneously fighting her laughter and her uncontrollable shaking from the cold.

Elsa groaned again as she hopped out of the water, crouched behind Honeymaren and grabbed her hands which were either rubbing her snotty nose and grasping her belly.

"First of all I spent barely a minute in this lake. Second, I'm truly not one to catch a cold so often." She stated between grunts as she tightened her grip on the Northuldra's wrist and slid her other hand under her shoulder. "You, however..." She then took a deep breath and pulled the other girl out as well, not for a moment impressed by her never ending giggles. "...are definitely going to be destroyed by a fancy illness."

She escorted Honeymaren to the nearby tree where their supplies had been left. The Northuldra was no longer laughing and once again Elsa felt a worried clench in her gut as she examined her drained clothes, the tiny droplets of water on her tanned skin shining in the dusky light.

 _The Sun,_ she realized, _it's getting dark._

"Fuck." The word felt increasingly natural on the base of her tongue as she popped the letter K.

"Third. Care to extend your forbidden vocabulary?" She could hear Honeymaren's teeth clinging while she spoke, but this time she almost cracked a smile. She sighed though and refused to acknowledge her own slight trembling.

"Just help me uh- set up a fire."

Honeymaren let go of her and slid down, her smile full and warm in contrast to her body. "Don't worry. We'll just build a quick fire, dry off my clothes and envelop ourselves in fur blankets." She pointed at her satchel. "Give me my flint and you go hoard up some firewood."

_Flint?_

Elsa didn't want to seem like she genuinely had no idea what a flint was, so she clumsily grabbed the satchel and began looking through its content. Wooden bowl, knife, a strange sharp piece of black gravel (it definitely was not it), a pack of dry meat...

"Don't worry, _Snowflake,_ I'll show it to you." Honeymaren smirked and reached a hand for her bag.

Elsa could slap herself but handed it to the Northuldra who pulled out the _strange sharp piece of black gravel,_ making Elsa blush.

"It's okay." She said and giggled at her. Then she put it aside and tugged at her clothes. "Let me peel off these clingy stuff until you bring the firewood."

Without a thought Elsa was already off into the darkening woods, hearing the laughter behind her back. She refused to admit it to herself, but deep down was well aware of her reasons to hurry - she didn't want to see Honeymaren without clothes. The moment this thought got access to her mind, she felt her mouth water and she was sure she had never ever felt this shameful.

She wasn't concerned about herself since her ice dress had never been able to suck water up. Her hair could have been considered a potential problem, but then again she was never bothered by cold. Not until a certain temperature at least. However, the thought of the Northuldra back there getting all the way ill was something that scared her soul out of herself, because based on her horrible experiences as the mistress of ice, she couldn't even imagine an ordinary person going through a cold.

* * *

She scolded herself as she was coming to realize how clumsy she proved herself to be in the Enchanted Forest - she didn't have to come a long way to figure out there were no ignitable pieces of wood since these birches had tall logs with few branches, and the undergrowth was poor. Was she supposed to cut a tree or what?

In Arendelle, obviously, she hadn't been taught about these survival stuff either. Before a week or so she had been wearing the crown of burden, being snowed under with a bunch of paperwork, attending the most boring formal meetings, and so much more beyond these. And now look at her: she passed it all on her innocent little sister to literally have herself a vacation.

On the other hand, let's be honest: out here she would be a lost piece of incapable diva without the Northuldra. And especially... without Honeymaren. She was such a strong, confident, kind, helpful and _warm_ woman that Elsa was not an ounce surprised at how her admiration towards Honeymaren occasionally turned into jealousy.

And all these heavy realizations hit her just by being sent to pick up a few pieces of goddamned wood. This was the most ridiculous part.

 _You belong up here_ , it echoed in her ear though.

_Do I?_

_"Of course."_

She swung around when she heard that ever so sweet, deeply humming voice. She knew she wouldn't have seen anyone even if it had been daytime but did it anyway.

"Mother!" According to her old, inescapable habit she took hold on her dress and did a slight bow to greet her.

_"Rise, Elsa, it's okay. I sensed your despair, my Dear. What happened?"_

Elsa sighed, curling into her arms. "I was asked to do a simple task, but everything is so confusing and I cannot concentrate on it. I... Also, I have no potential idea how to start it because this place is so different from Arendelle."

A distant, amused hum echoed and she cringed.

"Seriously, I'm the Fifth Spirit and I can't even gather up some dry pieces of stupid wood."

_"Do you remember what you had told your sister?"_

"About the bridge including the both of us?" Elsa asked and slowly slid to the ground, her eyes still instinctively scanning the dark, hoping still to see Iduna once again. It was also one of these inbuilt actions she could never abandon.

_"Yes. You're either ends of this bridge, like you had said so wisely. But does it mean that you're two separate edges of this world?"_

Elsa frowned. "No, for we're connected, Mother."

The chuckle all around her felt like a gentle caress.

_"Indeed, my Dear. This means you belong here but also to Arendelle, and so does Anna. You will have the knowledge of both sides, just let yourself be carried by their harmony. Don't worry."_

"What do you mean?"

But then Iduna was gone, Elsa could feel it. She attempted to regain the connection, but her 'first lesson' didn't seem to be enough just yet.

"Don't worry." She absent-mindedly quoted this sentence that now seemed to be the most crucial advice she had ever recieved. So she soothed herself. What did Mother mean? She planned to go on step by step.

Bridge. Two sides, connected. Arendelle. The Enchanted Forest. Connection. Connection to Nature. No, that didn't matter right now. Iduna tried to point on the match between the _sides_ , which Elsa had lived on both. Arendelle - Princess. Queen. Forest - Fifth Spirit.

"Yes!" She exclaimed, hopped up and ran back to their camp where Honeymaren had already tucked herself into the furs they had brought along, jerking up a head from her curled in posture when she heard Elsa coming.

"Hold on!" The Fifth Spirit called out and was already gone, leaving the Northuldra completely puzzled and still shaking violently. When she arrived to the base of the cliff, she strecthed out both of her arms with swift and advanced delicacy, and in a blink of an eye there was a high series of stairs growing out of the waterfall, the loud but melodic crackling of ice echoing in the spacious valley. However, it didn't run all the way up to the top but halted at a certain point. The very last beams of weak sunlight still reached it and they broke to a hundred pieces on the transparent surface, contouring the face of the Earth Giant.

Elsa gulped as her first memories of these large creatures stomping monstrously in the moonlight crept on her, but took her hasty steps anyway. When she reached the top she straightened herself and cleared her throat discreetly. At first she had no clue what to actually say to a _freaking Earth Giant,_ but thinking about Honeymaren freezing down there was well enough for her to start talking.

"Um... Good evening, Sir. Khm... Mighty Earth-"

Elsa's words turned into a shriek as the ice literally broke apart under her feet - her plan might as well had not taken account of a waking Earth Giant accidentally destroying it. She squeezed her eyes shut and was ready to save herself with magic, but when the big hand of the Giant caught her she quickly realized there was no need of that. She was then lifted up to meet its stern eyes and it made her cast an awkward smile while bowing deeply. The Giant growled gumpily, encouraging her to speak up.

"I am the Fifth Spirit and I am terribly sorry for waking you, but I would be grateful for your help." The silence seemed a good sign. "I need you to cut some wood for us. It'd be very important for my..." Why did she even hesitate? "...friend. I- uh, I'll make sure of its replacement?"

The living piece of rock nodded after a brief pause and bent down to put Elsa back on the ground, carefully enclosing her in its palm to keep her dry as the flow of the water changed. Once she was there, its index finger ushered her to a certain spot with surprising tenderness and affection.

"You suggest me stay right here?" Elsa asked nervously but it didn't recieve any attention, so she didn't move just to be sure. The Giant then took a half turn to reach out to somewhere out of sight, there were some cracking sounds from above and the next moment there were two whole logs of birch dropping in place with a sharp thud, exactly a few inches away from Elsa.

Silence.

"So it was a yes after all." She mumbled dumbfoundedly and was _just_ about to move when an enormous leg flew in front of her to stomp on the trees laid there, making them well... chopped up in an Earth Giant way.

Silence and stillness.

Much. Longer.

Just to be _sure_.

Elsa's heart was slamming against her chest and she wasn't entirely sure whether the valley echoed by its sound or the rocky movements of the Giant. When she finally dared to move a single inch and looked up, the Giant had something on its face like a snarl, but Elsa supposed it was just a clumsy smile, one that you believe had been long forgotten before you casted it again with pure pride.

She beamed and waved up to the Giant, moving uncomfortably still, but definitely delighted.

"Thank you!"

It let out a content grumble in response and went back into its original position, continuing its cozy shower.

The silence from then on was screaming obvious, so Elsa looked back over her shoulder shyly, only to notice the dim lines of an equally astonished Honeymaren in the distance. The girl must've seen her move to face her because the laughter broke out of her like a thunder.

"That's one way to gather firewood!" She exclaimed between giggles, but that gorgeous sound of hers eventually ended in a series of coughing. Elsa immediately yanked her body to take off, but it was just then that she realized how her sudden fright from earlier had practically froze her to the ground. She let out a frustrated, quiet groan and melted the ice hugging her feet, quickly crouching down to the birches to obtain what she had been seeking.

But she was smiling, because she was taught another lesson. It didn't matter who she had been, for all the steps she has taken to become the Fifth Spirit were equally important, whether they had been dead ends. If she hadn't been Princess of Arendelle, she wouldn't have had the opportunity to become queen. If she hadn't become Queen of Arendelle, she wouldn't have been able to delve into the arts of diplomacy. And now as the Fifth Spirit, if she didn't combine her powers and her mind, she wouldn't be able to success.

She wasn't a cool survivor as Honeymaren and that was okay.

She was a wise leader and utterly proud of herself right there and then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha just because I can't get enough of Elsamaren singing duets. 
> 
> I'm actually thinking about an Into The Unknown scene, but this time our dearest clueless cinnamon roll Elsa is OPENLY debating between her doubts of love and gayyyyness. Like, the ULTIMATE coming out song.
> 
> Whatcha think?  
> Happy new year btw :)


	4. It's Maren, Snowflake

Elsa couldn't help but wonder: had Honeymaren planned this whole series of events as the second lesson?

After she patiently waited for the Northuldra to calm down from her endearing but also quite embarrassing laughter, they set up their fire - or more specifically Elsa was _taught_ how to set up one. In exchange Honeymaren could convince her to admit that she hadn't known what a flint looked like, and once again Elsa felt her ears burning at the sound of the girl's snicker.

"You're so cute when you're tryna' pretend to be absolutely informed about quite literally, _everything._ "

Elsa opened her mouth to protest, but immediately snapped it shut as the realization hit her. It earned a challenging hum from Honeymaren and at that point she just knew she should have just kept it for herself.

"Why do I keep boosting her ego." She mumbled under her breath, pinching the bridge of her nose... and cringed yet again. She didn't even have to open her eyes to know where to reach out to hush Honeymaren with a finger.

"Just. Drop it."

And she didn't have to look at her to know she was mirroring her lopsided smile.

Pause.

"Elsa." She started slowly, her voice muffled under her fingertip and she continued on when Elsa withdrew it. "I know you're busy playing tough but could you now pay attention please?"

Honeymaren was poking at the fire to help it breathe, and Elsa glanced at her as the growing flames reflected a beautiful dance of warm light on her face, centered in her deep brown eyes which now looked as if they were _ignited._ She must have felt relaxed by its heat because she instinctively pulled the fur around her body tighter, and closed her eyes while she positioned herself into a cross-legged ball - with only a small hand sticking out as it held the rod - to pull closer to the campfire.

The sight of this mixture of sheer vulnerability and sweetness made Elsa's heart leap in an unknown pattern, but it felt nice. When those blown pupils finally met hers they both cracked a timid smile.

Honeymaren gestured at the task in front of them.

"See? You mustn't throw too much wood on it or you'll strangle it." She said, her voice hoarse from recent coughing and sneezing, and patted the ground beside her to invite Elsa. She obeyed and she handed her the stick, but kept a steady hand on hers to guide her. Elsa couldn't help the content shiver as she was listening to her voice, which happened to be much lower and more husky when she was explaining something - aside from its current state.

Again it reminded her of that first time they had spent around a campfire. And... it felt oddly calming, even though she knew what had come after that.

She felt like she was _feeding_ on Honeymaren's words and her hot breath against her exposed neck didn't help either.

"Feel it? Fire has lungs and language. Personality."

"What do you mean?"

Lost in this closeness and the flames licking at the chilly air, Elsa felt a pair of fingertips gently nudge her eyelids shut and from then on the Northuldra's words were barely whispers.

"Listen to it. The crackling. They're sleepy from awakening, aren't they?" They both chuckled. "Imagine this fire lit by bandits, their destiny to burn villages. They're ruthless and furious, and hungry." She felt the tanner hand squeeze on her own at that, nails digging lightly. The way she described it made Elsa feel like she was just told a ghost tale used to scare kids.

It quickly turned into a feather-like caress as she went on. "The candlelight would be too mysterious and shy to talk. Just like you."

"Is that a compliment or a critique?" Elsa wasn't even sure whether the girl heard her shaky voice and deep down she really did wish she hadn't.

She never had that luck. Honeymaren had sharp senses.

"Isn't it obvious?"

Elsa almost felt the purr resonating against her skin and her hand which had been clutching into the grass behind her threatened to freeze it. She swallowed and thought it was better to put herself at ease with a joke.

"Think of Bruni. He's pink and cheeky."

The comment made the Northuldra chuckle.

"Okay, okay I get it. I see how... efficient my methods proved to be." She shrugged with faked offense and attempted to pull away, but Elsa grasped her by the arm.

"No, please. It's... actually nice."

Strange silence followed.

"You just made me enhance that certain ego of yours once again, didn't you." Elsa stated blatantly and when she felt the Northuldra's shoulders tensely bounce, she just pushed her away as if she was plagued.

"You know, it's starting to get annoying."

Honeymaren raised up her hands in defense, watching Elsa as she stood up. " _You_ started it, remember? Even earlier."

"Fine, you've got a point. Sorry."

Elsa just sighed, grabbing Honeymaren's spear and propping it between two nearby branches of trees as a makeshift clothesline. Then she picked up the girl's clothes from the ground, hung them, and shook the water off her hands. It was just then that she realized how warm they felt. She looked at them, opening and closing them tight to explore the warmth, and she couldn't help the mesmerized grin at the feeling. Thank Gods Honeymaren only saw her back... she had already made her feel flustered anyway.

Pushing back her swelling nerves she settled back to the girl though - just as close on purpose - and draped a blanket of her own on herself, adding sincerely. "Anyway, I enjoyed your lecture. I always do and something tells me you know that exactly."

That incredible, husky tone amazed her each time.

"I'm glad to hear that."

* * *

After that they ate their dinner in a comfortable silence. Honeymaren stuck with dry meat whereas Elsa had some freshly steamed mixture of plants. Yelena had shown her plenty of new roots, vegetables and fruits that they grow specifically on the North, so her diet without meat had been improving well.

"Are you feeling better?" Elsa asked suddenly, remembering it had been _her_ who actually caused this uncomfortable situation. 

The Northuldra shrugged. "Nah, do you think my brother has never done that to me? I'm fine, a lil' cold water's never killed anyone." 

Another long silence followed, and the nearby Earth Giant began to snore again, its thundering voice being somewhat gentle and relaxed.

"I've never heard them sleep like that." Honeymaren said. "They're like big rocky babies now. Adorable. But most importantly they're balanced and even though they'd only been trouble ever since I was born, I've come to really love them." Her dreamy exhale made that tug at Elsa's heart return but she smiled. "Oh Gods you can't even imagine how _overwhelmingly happy_ I am to see this new world." 

And as long as she saw her happy, Elsa felt happy.

But the Giant reminded her of...

"Maren-" She paused as the surprise hit her and asked carefully. "Is it...?"

"Of course. Even your sister calls me like that."

Elsa jerked her head. "What?"

Maren chuckled and winked at her. "Yep. You're literally the last one to call me by that stupidly long name."

"But..." Elsa felt herself turning pink but attempted to keep her voice as steady and formal as possible... old habits die hard. "I- Don't call yourself stupid."

"I'm just saying it's too long to use at a constant time rate. Soo... It's Maren, Snowflake."

The nickname made Elsa frown this time. "And why would you call _me_ Snowflake?"

The Northuldra fussed, rolling her eyes at her.

"Duh, 'cause you're the cool Fifth Spirit, scattering ice and snow everywhere." With a goofy grin on her face, she even imitated the way she had seen Elsa making tiny snowflakes for Bruni.

"Remember little pal salamander chilling under your miniature blizzard? That was the moment your nickname first appeared in my mind." She lowered her tone to a pitch Elsa has never seen her speaking in and threw her arms apart, wide enough to make her announcement hilariously dramatic. "Live footage of little Snowflake sprinkling her magical aura on everything."

Elsa laughed and made a tossing movement from the base of her wrist to send a handful of actual snowflakes towards the Northuldra, making her let out a small sneeze.

"Like that?" She teased, but eventually just tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, smiling shyly.

Did that mean that Honeymaren had been sympathizing with her from the very beginning? Elsa wasn't sure how she felt about this thought. She quickly recovered though and cleared her throat, once again trying to suppress her quickening heartbeat.

"Alright _Maren_ , what I may have hoped to ask would be if you were - in any circumstances - curious about the story you have just seen?"

Pause.

"Too much?"

"Too much."

Honeymaren - or more personally Maren from then on, Elsa supposed - let out a small laugh, followed by an excited grin, and pointed at the blackness where the Earth Giant quite probably still stood.

"About that big boy over there? I've itched to ask. It was like, super ridiculous but... super cool."

Elsa chuckled.

"Mother spoke again."

* * *

As the evening advanced into a beautiful starry night the two of them were still sitting close, talking about what had just happened. Honeymaren demanded every detail, so Elsa told everything. She didn't even notice the way Maren was staring at her drinking every word of her adventure, until she finished.

"See?" The girl started. "You're absolutely right and I'm so proud of you."

Elsa watched Honeymaren with playfully narrowed eyes. "So was this one of your so-called lessons?"

Maren's eyes widened. "What? No!" She paused a bit to pull her bottom lip between her teeth. Then she sighed with a bittersweet smile, gesturing at herself. "Elsa, do you really think so much of me?"

She didn't need to hesitate. "Yes. You... You _do_ have an abillity to inspire people uhm- instantly."

"So is this why you _don't_ think so much of _yourself?"_ It was her turn to hush Elsa with a finger, who wasn't sure whether she imagined how Maren's eyes darted at her lips while she did that. "I'm a warrior. I'm fearless, I have perfect abs, I maintain a whole herd of reindeers. True?"

_Perfect abs..._ why did she imagine that? Elsa nodded immediately, mouth still muffled and eyes wide.

"No." Maren snapped and her amused huff indicated it wasn't out of irritation. "Yes I'm advanced in combat, yes I work out, yes I have a weird obsession for those smelly cutie bastards. But I ain't perfect like you think." Her lips curled into a sudden smirk. "I wouldn't say this if I flirted with you, but I'm not flirting with you am I?"

Elsa winced as her gut sank in a way she has never felt before and she couldn't help but literally scatter a bunch of ice fractals around the fur enveloping her body.

"Woah are you alright?" Maren asked and Elsa quickly nodded.

"Felt an... insect crawling on by back." She croaked out.

However, her mind was screaming only _one_ exact question: _w_ _hy_ would Honeymaren _flirt_ with _her?_ After all, they were both... women.

She didn't have time to think about it though because the girl went on.

"So I'll be frank. You're not perfect either. Although... according to the way anxiety and low self-esteem screams of you, you can't be seriously insulted by this statement, can you?"

Elsa's eyes fluttering close just confirmed it.

However, she was quickly knocked out of the thoughts clouding her mind when a hand slipped into her hair, shaking it up. Her eyes snapped open to see Maren flashing one of those lopsided smiles that made her feel... uncomfortably confused.

"But y'know what? That's the point. None of us can be perfect. _Nor you,_ and that's okay! And the thing I just don't understand is that you've just come to figure out your strengths, yet you still try _so_ hard to show no flaws and... a-and to have this... control over everything because otherwise you seem vulnerable."

Elsa was speechless, even though her mouth was freed from the girl's fingertips long ago.

Then the abrupt pain in those eyes broke her heart. "I've seen the way you behave around people and I just thought joking around would ease your discomfort. I- uh... I really want you to finally feel free and I'm sorry if I act too... touchy."

Elsa sighed because according to what the Northuldra just said they both saw it.

What was the matter with her then?

She wasn't used to this kind of interaction that they occasionally had, for her sister has been the only one close enough to be able to do that to her... maybe even Olaf or Kristoff, but no others. To her surprise however, Maren's touch seemed no different, so her nerves made no sense either. Sure it often startled her but whenever she relaxed into the girl, she felt like a feather caught in a wonderful blaze - that certain longing for warmth completely fulfilled. Maybe it was... rather the _fact_ that she had these feelings towards a _woman._ Whatever they were supposed to be called.

She still couldn't morph her feelings into words so the only thing she could do was scoot over to Maren and hug her.

"You didn't do anything wrong. And I swear I'm getting better at this." She whispered as they stayed like that for long minutes.

And that was when Elsa noticed how strongly she had been shivering.

"Are you still cold?" She asked with furrowed brows, turning to face Maren whose trembling lips were starting to turn blue.

"I uh- I wasn't like a few minutes ago."

Elsa gasped and immediately pulled away from her, thinking it was her touch that brought the sudden cold. But apparently there was no ice to be found.

Maren shook her head and hastily reached out for her hand before panic could take over Elsa, her voice all soft and reassuring. "Don't worry, it wasn't you."

Then they were both shaken from a cold breeze howling along their camp. "I think... it's just the _weather_." Maren added.

By then the temperature was significantly lower than it had been all day, and they both knew it wasn't rational. Tiny pieces of ice fractals began to crawl over the nearby stones, and from the darkness out there they could hear the faint crackling of something - the lake, perhaps. Well no, it _was_ the lake because the ice that it was slowly freezing into began to _glow,_ making the valley pick up a mysterious shade of blue _._

The light reached the Earth Giant as well, but this mysterious ice was so strong that it couldn't break out of it. They have never seen a Giant in distress (seriously, could anyone or anything hurt these massive guys?), and now this one right there was grunting desperately and tugging at its limbs in order to escape, only to watch them slowly getting all rigid from the ice capturing them. In the end the whole Giant turned into one enormous piece of gleaming frost.

In fact, _e_ _very_ piece of growing ice that hadn't been created by Elsa was glowing around them.

She ran towards the Earth Giant to free it, but her face ran white when she realized she _couldn't_ control this strange ice.

"It _really_ isn't me." Elsa breathed out with worry lacing her thin voice.

She felt a hand grab at her shoulder and she turned around to see Maren stumbling beside her. "What's happening?" The Northuldra asked.

"I- I can't do anything to this ice."

"What? How?"

"I don't know! I've never seen anything like this!" Elsa's panting guickened uncontrollably as panic grew inside her.

"Don't you _dare_ lose it!" Maren said firmly, pulling her closer by both of her shoulders. "Come on, we'll figure out something."

They both snapped gazes to the fire which in all of a sudden died with a last sharp beam of blue light. It was not even blown away by the wind but simply disappeared on account of the temperature.

And they felt _cold._ Even Elsa.

She felt Maren's hand in her own go colder and colder with each passing second and she immediately pulled the fur off her body to give it to her as a second layer. Then she rushed away to check on the clothes, only to find them all rigid from the frozen water inside the fabric. In the meantime, the wind got stronger and Elsa knew it couldn't be Gale for she didn't feel his presence right then. There wasn't snow, nor rain.

There was nothing but _ice_ and _chill_ and it reminded Elsa of things she had never thought would be able to lure themselves into her thoughts ever again.

_The way she had slipped and hit Anna in the head, watching her numb, unconscious body drop on the ice._

"Elsa?"

_Her desperate hands aching for the protective gloves whenever she hadn't worn them._

"Hey, are you alright?"

_Terrifying spikes of ice shooting out of the floor in the hall of Arendelle, making the guests gaze at her with hatred._

"Elsa!"

_Blizzard surrounding her body as she had shouted her pain away before releasing it into Anna's very heart._

_Ice. Snow. Cold. Darkness_. _All those demonic things returnig right there and then_.

_But her sister... had stood up, although stumbling, but..._

_...she never gave up on her._

"That's not me anymore." Elsa whispered to herself and let her statament be carried away by the wind. Her grip on the frozen clothes tightened and she squeezed her eyes shut so much that she saw stars. And somehow it could snap her out of it.

"You haven't calculated this weather, have you?" She called out to the Northuldra who just shook her head, her voice all erratic.

"I-It's the start of... autumn. Tempests s-shouldn't be coming at least for a month."

Elsa frowned and stared ahead of herself with a mixture of sheer anxiety but decent calmess. She wasn't affected by the cold at the same level as Maren so she did the only thing she had in mind: she swinged her hands to raise a small shelter of ice around them to at least prevent themselves from getting caught in the wind.

"Better?"

"Yeah."

"What do you think this might be?" Elsa asked, settling back to Honeymaren and trying to rub their hands together. "Is it common to have this kind of... unbalanced weather?"

"G-Gods no! The... The Spirits may've been angry at us but they would n-never mess with Nature like this."

"Is this even _their_ doing?"

"I... I don't know, Elsa." She sighed, her warm breath in sharp contrast with the air. "It may be Ahtohallan but I don't know more about it than you do."

"Okay. Like you said we'll sort it out, but for now I must prevent you from freezing _alive."_ She paused a bit to think it through. "I'm going to get Bruni. Stay right here _._ " She said to the Northuldra before she was off into the woods.

* * *

The autumn leaves all around her were covered in this strange ice as she proceeded deeper into the forest, and although they actually looked breathtaking like this, all shiny and radiating this mysterious light that occasionally broke into rainbows, the unknown reason for their existence scared Elsa. It was weird, yet again going _into the unknown,_ but Elsa knew there were no arguments for letting Maren down out there. So she kept her steady pace, hugging herself tightly as she fought against the cold wind.

Every inch of her being was concentrated on the Spirit's presence, just like she had done when Gale had caught her above the water. Her eyes scanned her surroundings, focused on the colors and hoping she would see _anything_ pink and scorching.

"Bruni!" She kept shouting but yet again her voice was lost the moment it escaped her mouth.

The frozen leaves were clinging together as they were violently swayed by the breeze and their melody seemed somewhat exciting at the beginning, but now it turned into a messy series of sharp, ear-hurting noise.

Bruni must have been near. They were always following Elsa, often as her close company but either way they just kept an accessible distance as if their connection was unbreakable. It really had grown to be.

And Elsa... she tried _so hard_ , but right now she couldn't feel any of them. Gale must have been just... trapped by this foreign, fierce storm. Was that even possible? They were Spirits after all, weather was controlled by them, wasn't it? Gods, Elsa didn't know anymore.

"Come on, where are you?" She gritted her teeth, losing her hope with each second passing by.

Then she had an idea. Her mother had called out for the Spirits when she had been trying to save her father, hadn't she? All Elsa needed to do was use the tune. So she did.

_"A-Ah, A-Aah!"_

Again.

_"A-Ah, A-Aah!"_

Again!

_"Ah-Ah, A-A-Aah!"_

Then she heard a weak but definite shriek from the distance which definitely wasn't human.

_There you are,_ she felt utter relief washing through her veins and it brought a new wave of adrenaline. Her feet shot from the ground and she kept singing the melody with every ounce of air left in her lungs from running.

_"A-Ah, A-Aah!"_

Another shriek called out for help, higher this time but seemingly just as relieved. Elsa sped up at its direction.

"I'm coming little boy!"

She arrived to a certain part of the valley where the continuation of its high wall stretched along, and her jaw fell slack as a massive punch of _déja vu_ hit her right in the gut.

The salamander was crouching in a thick crack of the rocks just like he had done so when Elsa had been chasing after him. The area around them was also trapped by that glowing frost and he tried to ignite himself, a few lonely flames of that familiar pink fire going free, but nothing more. He licked his face with a hopeful, almost happy glint in his eyes when he noticed Elsa, but he was still not able to use his powers and it clearly terrified him.

_That cursed ice. It's too cold._

Elsa now was sure that this situation wasn't going to be solved easily.

Then she heard a low growl behind her back.  
  



	5. Crackling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there!  
> I'm SO happy to see the hits and kudos slowly but decently increase, and I'd like to say a special thanks to those who have commented so far. It's really the one that keeps artists going and I encourage the rest of you to leave critics and all. <3
> 
> I've got something like a fun fact at the end of this chapter.
> 
> Enjoy!

Her trip in Nature with Maren wasn't the first one Elsa ever had.

They used to spend whole days outside with her family. Her mother would create exciting games for them which would include a series of puzzles and clues, eventually leading to a treasure. They would go by horse, only the four of them, Elsa riding with Iduna and Anna riding with Agnarr. They would have picnics under the sunlight, their mother reading a tale or inventing one herself. Their father would pick up each of the sisters on his neck so that they can see the newborn birds in their nest.

Those were beautiful days...

After the accident they never did that again and Elsa would still taste a spice of guilt thinking about that. After everything around her magic had gotten solved, however, she and Anna had really made up for those wasted years.

It had been one of these hikes when they saw a bear. The female was protecting her cub and if it hadn't been for Olaf's endless optimism and love, they wouldn't have made out intact. That was one time when Elsa - despite her life being in serious danger - felt utter fascination and respect towards Nature. It belonged to those who lived in it and they had every right to defend their home.

Well. Right now Elsa had no idea what to think about Nature, because the beast that was licking its mouth with a devilishly furious glint in its bloody red eyes that lacked pupils, was clearly _not_ an innocent creation of _Nature._

The first thought that rushed through her mind was the irritated face of that big scary mother bear that right now in her memories looked like it had just been _smiling_ at her, compared to this... thing.

It was carved out of that stern glowing ice, its form misshapen, sharp and ugly. Elsa wasn't even sure _what_ stood in front of her but it mostly resembled to something like a wolf or a hound. It was crouching and swaying erratically as its gaze was measuring Elsa up and down, ready to jump at her in a blink of an eye. When Elsa dared to move an inch, its head jerked in an angle that was painful to see and its upper lips rised with another hysterical growl.

It looked _insane_ and probably it _was._

Elsa's second thought was to just dissolve it with her powers. Her stupid body was quicker than her mind so her hands reached out swiftly before she remembered that her powers were useless against this material. The only thing her movement earned was a thundering bark from the beast and next she knew it shot from the ground and began sprinting towards her.

Even Elsa's horrified scream wasn't enough to overcome its savage roaring, but her reflexes were quick at least as she dodged the beast from the left side and shot a spike of ice in its face, so strong that it was sent flipping away. It hit a birch with a pained cry and dropped on the ground, a few cracks appearing on its back and on its face where the impact had been.

_Maybe I can break it apart with another few shots._

But her theory was ruined when it stood up stumbling and shook itself, the damage healing effortlessly. It looked back at Elsa, its crimson eyes practically blazing with animalistic rage by now. It opened its mouth to bark again but its low voice was suddenly mixed with another.

Elsa knew the high pitched howl belonged to Bruni so she swung aside to see him marching out of his tight shelter. His angry, protective face looked serious but still so adorable that it made Elsa crack out a giggle. He quickly arrived to her and jumped on her knee, crawling onto her shoulder and hissing at the nearby ice beast with his usual tongue-out expression.

"Any ideas how to deal with this guy?" Elsa asked from him as they both stared right at it, and they both felt a little bit eased in each other's alliance. Elsa and the creature instinctively began walking steadily in that typical fighting circle, bodies like a trigger.

Bruni shook his head with a concerned purr.

"Can you at least ignite up already?"

The Spirit took a decent turn to position himself, closed his eyes in order to focus, and then finally _did it_ , careful not to burn Elsa _._

"Good job." Elsa cooed as she patted Bruni's hot head, never breaking that nerve-racking eye contact with their enemy. "Stay the farthest possible from this ice and we'll get out of here. I promise."

They kept circling around one and other with a mixture of suspicion and caution, clearly aware of each other's equal strengths after their first encounter. The beast kept showing its teeth, growling and moving just as scarily jagged, as if its rigid, icy body was constantly fighting against itself.

Now that they were in a somewhat safe distance, Elsa had time to examine the creature further, seeking anything useful as a weak point.

Then she froze.

On its chest, slightly to the left side, there was a copy of those rhomb shaped sigils that represented the four elements. But it was the _Fifth Spirits's_ symbol craved into it.

_It was her._

"What?!" Elsa breathed out with knitted brows and as her heart skipped a beat she tripped over her feet, dropping onto her back. Bruni who was still settled on her shoulder also lost his ground and fell.

And this display of vulnerability was more than just enough for the beast to attack.

It lurched forward and Elsa was barely able to roll out of its way, glancing at the sharp paws crushing the ground instead of her in dread. The beast jumped again but now Elsa was able to form a shield of ice around herself. It cracked violently as the creature hit it repeatedly but before it could be broken apart, Elsa saw a vague pink light through the transparent ice and her enemy fled with another hysterical whimper.

Elsa quickly dissolved her damaged shield to see Bruni on top of the beast, completely on fire. That ice couldn't be melted away by him as much as it couldn't be controlled by Elsa, but it was fair enough for a life-saving distraction.

Bruni was far quicker than his several times bigger enemy but it was clear that if he made _one_ wrong move, a single strike would be enough to put him away for good. So Elsa had to recover herself. She hopped up, stomping onto the ground and there were three large spikes of ice storming out, cutting the two apart and thus defending the little salamander.

The ice beast was clearly getting increasingly frustrated by being encountered by two at the same time, and Elsa saw that as a good sign.

She could turn the brief pause to her advantage, so for the time their enemy spent just panting and swapping gazes between her and Bruni, she could form a plan.

The sigil was probably some sort of a life source, judged by its place. That was the key. Hopefully.

So Elsa took a deep breath and closed her eyes as she formed an ice spear beneath her hands, similar to what Maren had. The fact that the creature held _her_ symbol had definitely nothing good coming out of it, but for now she had to protect themselves at any cost.

"I'll need your help." She called over to Bruni who already seemed to understand her due to their special bond.

So he leaned aback to launch himself in the next moment, once again risking his very life as he kept pinching and punching the ice beast with weak but rather fiery strikes. Their furious movements made the area around them dance in pink and blue lights, occasionally turning violet when they mixed. The cold air was heavy with sounds of growling, cracking, panting and fire hissing against ice.

Elsa waited for the right moment, pacing left and right and shaking herself up to prepare for action - clearly terrified but her instincts telling her to stay alive. She had no experience with any kind of weapons but she had already seen the Northuldra using their spears, so she let herself depend on those primal instincts, spinning her ice spear back and forth, clumsily but decently enough to connect with it. When the creature finally stood on its back feet, exposing the target, she marched towards them, rising her makeshift weapon with a strained cry.

She leapt and swung it upwards, closing her eyes tightly with inexperienced hesitation. She hit it perfectly though and could feel herself pierce through the sigil like a knife in warm butter.

The ice beast stilled for a second before the light faded from its body and eyes, and then it numbly dropped onto Elsa. It was quite heavy so she carefully lowered her spear to let it gently slide onto the ground. Even though it had just been trying to kill them, Elsa couldn't bear treating it without respect. As a woman she didn't know much of sparring and war, but as a grown former queen it has always been clear to her that warriors were ought to do it fairly.

Just when the beast was laid to rest, she let out a deep breath of relief and exhaustion, melting her weapon and descending onto her knees. She watched the beast which now seemed to be totally like a normal kind of ice, so she gave it a try... and succeeded. With a swing of a finger - she wouldn't have been able to do more due to her tired limbs anyway - she successfully melted away the creature until there was only that broken symbol left of it.

Then a sting of pain in her chest forced her to scream and drop her entire body. It lasted barely for a second but it felt so paralyzing and deep that Elsa was certain it wasn't because she may had been injured.

 _It has to do something with the symbol_ , she thought as her eyes wandered to the ruined sigil once again, her lungs fighting for air.

She felt tiny feet trotting on her body and she faintly smiled at Bruni, letting her eyes flutter shut and enjoying his warmth against her skin as the salamander snuggled to her. It was just when the adrenaline washed over her that she realized how cold she still felt. Although the storm died with the defeat of the beast, the chilly night air remained the same.

Cold...

_Maren!_

In all the battle for their lives she forgot the Northuldra for a moment.

Elsa touched her chest as if to check whether it was still hurting, but the pain was long gone. So she stumbled up and grabbed the small salamander, hesitating no more.

"We _need_ to get to her." Elsa murmured to him and he mirrored her worried expression.

* * *

By the time they arrived back to camp, the glowing ice around them had almost completely disappeared. The reduced light made a bit harder for Elsa to find her way back but she managed.

The Earth Giant was grumbling grumpily and stared at her with an expression of something like a confused expectancy as it was trying to break free from its cold prison. One of its arms was already melted out so it used it to crush the rest. Elsa greeted the Giant with an apologetic bow and hurried to where she had left Honeymaren, an anxious squeeze at her heart causing her brows to furrow.

She stepped into the makeshift ice shelter to find the girl lying curled into both of their furs, her frame in the dim darkness completely still. Elsa gasped and shared a wide-eyed, dreadful glance with Bruni on her shoulder. Tears began to sting from behind her eyes.

_She can't be..._

She immediately crouched close to check on her, but relaxed a little when she felt Maren's breath - although not so hot and calm due to her severe condition - against her skin.

"Thank Gods." She exhaled and held Bruni in her hands, her voice choking half-way as she fought her tears. No, she was not allowed to cry. "Help her, _please._ "

The salamander purred reassuringly and licked her in the face before Elsa hastily reached out for the furs, peeling them off desperately. She gulped when she realized Maren wasn't wearing anything other than her underwear and almost considered her plan once again. After all, she had been trying to avoid seeing her like that due to her growing confusion.

However, there was no faster way to stabilise both of their conditions.

So she crawled behind the Northuldra and enveloped her chilly body, pulling the furs around themselves tight. The girl stirred and let out a feeble whimper, wincing and suddenly starting to shake violently - Elsa has never seen her so vulnerable and fragile. She still seemed to be subconsciously floating above the real world, but at least she was _alive_ , so Elsa soothed her and gestured at Bruni to hurry. He snuggled between them, and Elsa sighed as she felt his tiny heated body against her chest.

 _She'll be fine from now,_ she reassured herself, although her swelling guilt couldn't be erased by just that, and not even by her hastily murmured assurances.

Elsa trailed her hand along Honeymaren's hair which was practically frozen as it hadn't been completely dried from water, so she carefully pulled out the thick braid and undid the leather strap keeping it together. The chestnut locks were a bit difficult to sort apart but she managed with that, paying thorough attention to every single gentle tug at them. When it was done she swept them all aside and pulled herself flush against Maren's bare back, tangling their legs together and letting Bruni have his room between them as well.

Her quivering fingertips then shyly touched Maren's side to feel her skin starting to regain its normal temperature. Elsa herself wasn't that warm either, but the contact of their bodies still had its immediate effects.

It earned a shiver and another heavy gulp from Elsa as she examined the soft skin, and a few seconds later she found herself having her arm all the way wrapped around the girl's middle, palming her belly. Their bodies fitted _just well_ and the mixture of weird thrill and uncontrollable worry made her vision dizzy.

As if she had been caught doing something really inappropriate - and to be honest she really thought she was -, she winced when she realized that Honeymaren was almost back to her senses.

"Your hand is... freezing." She whispered weakly, making Elsa let out a nervous 'oh' before she pulled her hand away.

"You barely survived hypothermia and all you say is this?"

"Sounds like you... were... _worried._ "

Elsa scoffed sarcastically. "Oh get over yourself. It's not like I was in _dread_ thinking of losing you."

Her arm remained there though - her tired muscles gave in - and soon enough she felt the Northuldra place her own along it, stroking their skins.

"I'm okay, Snowflake." Was all she answered, and that nickname just broke Elsa. Her sniff was barely audible but her tensely bouncing body betrayed those few tears.

Their tangled legs also began to move together while Maren said that, the ragged friction slowly making the blood in their veins run again. And when she let out a content sigh at this touching, Elsa's heart skipped a beat and she almost whimpered with a surge of unexplainable heat rushig into her stomach.

Thank Gods her senses were dull enough with tiredness so that she didn't scatter ice everywhere.

"Hey Bruni." The girl spoke again with an attempt to look back at him, but then a series of heavy coughing shook her whole body, muffling the purr of the little salamander. It must have been painful because she grunted with each ragged breath.

Elsa's hold on her tightened and her face scrunched with worry as she instinctively buried it into the back of Maren's head. "Hush up, you were _unconscious_. Just breathe and warm up." She whispered, ashamed. "I'm so sorry, Maren. You would've been fine if I hadn't made you all drained with water."

"E-Elsa stop blaming yourself." She croaked out but before Elsa could protest yet again, they both hissed as Bruni grumbled and burned their skins as if to make both shut the pathetic heck up.

They sighed, not really sure if that abrupt rise of heat that was supposed to be a punishment was actually painful for their cold skins.

"I- I _knew_ you'd be back, even though I... truly may had p-passed out." Honeymaren was still a bit trembling but murmured softly and chuckled. "I guess you were... m-more concerned over my life than-"

Another sting of heat was enough for them to drop this unnecessary apologizing.

 _This cheeky stupid lizard knows us better than... us,_ Elsa thought and rolled her eyes, although she didn't even have any ideas of what _us_ meant. Neither of them could think about things like that though, because exhaustion soon took over them. Elsa felt Maren's hand cover hers and she absent-mindedly intertwined their fingers with the last ounces of strength left in her. They both had pleasant goosebumps when Bruni's warm body stirred beneath them, and they giggled faintly when they heard his purr-like snoring. Minds both drifting away.

However, Elsa could only slip into complete ease when Maren's erratic, quick breathing also evened out into a long, relaxed slumber.

Her free hand wandered along the sleeping girl's skin once again just to check on her temperature. It was almost back to normal and so was hers. No ice, no shaking, no cold.

And this intimate contact of their bodies... it felt _so_ _right_ at that hazy, blurry, distant moment.

During the rest of the night Elsa dreamt with sounds. Sounds of _crackling_ to be exact. Rumbling, flowing crackling of _W_ _ater_. Hushed, smooth crackling of _Air._ Deep, thundering crackling of _E_ _arth_. Soft, delightful crackling of _F_ _ire._

And high, melodic crackling of _I_ _ce_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soo here's my short anecdote (?).
> 
> I'm graduating high school and we have a traditional prom going on here, but I'm not dancing cuz y'know... I'd rather do that in a suit with a gorgeous girl and in my stupid country it'd be quite inappropriate to say the least (yea I'm a proud gaybie girlie)... 
> 
> So the thing is everyone's stressing tf out rn and I'm just like, super happily sitting in the middle of their distress just laughing at my own crazy ideas for my own useless lesbean story. 
> 
> Is that bad? XD


	6. Rainbow before the storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1 Then God said, "Let the Sun scream at them with rainbows, for they are fucking gays ffs" and the Sun did as it was told and at them it screamed with rainbows.  
> 2 And God saw that it was good.
> 
> Gaynesis 1:1-2
> 
> (No offense for religious foes.)
> 
> So yeah, I literally made Elsa gawk at her own gay aura and wonder about the colours of our old Pride flag from 1978-79.

Glimmering rainbow.

It was the first thing Elsa saw when she woke up late in the morning. The camp was in the middle of the sunlight which was piercing through the ice above her, scattering the colourful phenomenon all over the little makeshift hut. The light hurt her eyes at first but its unexplainable, odd yet natural beauty was so soothing that it made Elsa's gaze deliberately glue above, aware of the unpleasant squinting, but too mesmerized to care.

When she adjusted to the view her awe just grew and made her sigh contently, eyes fluttering close as she let her skin bathe in the subtle heat. Her magic allowed the ice to be resistant to the Sun's heat so instead of melting, the material basically functioned as a half-blurred layer of glass, collecting the beams of the weak autumn sunlight and warming them underneath.

_Them._

_Wait..._

Elsa winced as she realized how she had forgotten _who_ lay beside her. She snapped up as she remembered the events from yesterday, and turned to Honeymaren to check on her. She was still there, alive, stable.

When she recovered from her abrupt distress, she slowly came to realize how _natural_ it felt to be pressed against Honeymaren's side and how her pulse uneasily quickened for a few seconds once she noticed. The first thing that came to mind was to quickly retreat and get out, but soon enough she remembered their conversation from yesterday - oh she remembered every word Honeymaren has ever said to her.

" _I've seen the way you behave around people."_

Reserved. Discreet. Keeping the distance that she often wasn't even sure whether she should keep. It all just came... naturally? No. Her nature has always craved company but she was always told not to chase it. What was the right word for it... _Why does it even matter?_ she thought.

" _I'm sorry if I act too... touchy."_

Maren being touchy? Well Elsa had absolutely received more affection from her than anyone else these days without Anna. And boy, she could debate with herself for a lifetime but her conclusion would always be the same: she could get used to this girl's touch. She already have... She already... craved it.

 _Fuck it,_ she told herself, swallowing back a giggle at this sweetly childish, rebellious anticipation, and just sank deeper into the furs, her front finding her way back to Maren's back and burying her face into her messy chestnut hair. She shivered pleasantly when she inhaled Maren's scent deeply, a spicy mixture of smoke and flowers and grass and just. _.._ _Nature._

She wasn't even awake as she must've been exhausted from her recent hypothermia (and Elsa would slap herself if she woke her up accidentally), but even in her peaceful slumber she looked so fierce and kind and gorgeous... _wait, what?_

Elsa's eyes widened at this thought but it couldn't stop her from admiring the girl's body further as she shyly but instinctively pulled away to do so.

The girl's hair which now she knew the intoxicating scent of, was sprawled all around just as she had left it after carefully freeing it from its braid. She wondered if she had accidentally jerked it in their sleep as she tended to move a lot, and she must've been laying atop of it. It had finally dried and although it was a little knotty and messy, Elsa found it very impressive.

Her gaze wandered to Maren's face, studying her perfectly cut, natural brows - another aspect that yet again was _natural_ , so close to _Nature_ , and Elsa envied it a little. Her lips were not too full but perfectly round, and even in her sleep they were slightly curved, as if she was dreaming something amusing. Elsa hoped she had a peaceful sleep even though she almost froze to death.

Her breathing was even but Elsa had often been half-awoken by the sounds of her coughing, and for a short period she had also been snoring due to her probably clogged nose - Elsa made a mental note to boil some herbal tea for her later on.

As for her eyes, she simultaneously wished they were open and not, because she would've been super embarrassed if she'd been caught staring at the Northuldra, but at the same time she just _loved_ seeking those slightly lost black pupils in those deep brown irises whenever Honeymaren spoke.

And watching her like this for the first time, oh it made Elsa oh so forget _everything_ , especially what happened yesterday with this sudden storm and that glowing ice and the fact that they both had almost been killed by a magical ice beast and coldness... Wow it felt chaotic even just scrolling through those events.

So now she just felt... _oddly_ _calm._

And although at first she didn't like it... Elsa had a sister, a brother-in-law, a cheeky group of magical Spirit friends, and her own son-like snowman. She could allow herself a _female friend_ too, right? Friends are allowed to cuddle, even if they were women.

 _Yes,_ she assured herself, _this is completely_ _fine_.

So now that she discussed this topic with herself, Elsa once again felt content and just went back to watch this gorgeous coat of rainbow draped over them, scooting back up close to Honeymaren. The girl beneath her, however, now felt unusually hot as Elsa reached out to check on her temperature, only for her fingers to find a thin layer of sweat on the bare surface of skin - the girl had a fever.

 _Warm her, cool her, like a stupid child's swing,_ she thought and sighed with concern, drawing Maren's furs low enough for the top of her chest bindings to be seen.

Elsa couldn't help but gulp at the subconscious exhale that then left the Northuldra. She leaned over her to touch her forehead and swung her index finger to cast a single tender snowflake onto the heated skin. It barely landed before it melted away, but nevertheless earned another content sigh from Maren. Elsa smiled when the girl mumbled something incoherent and making sure she was okay, she lay aback to watch the beams of rainbow.

Soon enough she found herself counting its colours and even though she has never really been gifted with the talent for painting, her instincts kept telling just one word for each shade.

 _Red for Life_ \- the noble blood of kings that runs in her veins keeping her alive, the liquid that she is willing to shed for the world at any time.

 _Orange for Healing_ \- just like a new dawn rises indicating the rebirth of the Sun, Elsa feels reborn each time a mental scar of hers is successfully healed.

 _Yellow for the Sun_ \- the Northuldra, people of the Sun, living in the freedom of daylight.

 _Green for Nature_ \- Nature is life, just like a leaf keeps changing its colour from green to red, living and then falling back into the soft hands of Nature.

 _Turquoise for Art_ \- the colour reminded her of ice, and even though it kept causing her trouble every now and then, ice was also her vital material for _her very own_ form of art.

 _Indigo for Harmony_ \- dark, knowing seas that keep their world together, water that can wear so many forms yet can never cease to exist, for it always shall be on the duty of bringing harmony.

 _Violet for Spirit_ _._

"Fifth Spirit." The name still rolled on her tongue with a rush of childish excitement and it made her release a sigh as her eyes fluttering closed.

Only to snap open at the tickle of something moving against her stomach.

 _Bruni._ She almost forgot him. Was she really that tired from yesterday? After all, that low temperature had definitely had its affects on her as well.

Elsa's eyes then went wide and she shot right up to her elbows as the smell of fume filled her nose, and the next moment there was a small hole burned into the fur above her abdomen, a tiny blue body emerging from the swirling cloud of smoke.

"Bruni!" She exclaimed as he ran up to her, completely oblivious of the damage he had done, and licked his eye with a questioning look when he saw Elsa scrunch her face with terror and shoot a handful of ice behind him in order to extinguish the last embers threatening to burn her body.

"You really are not aware sometimes that you're the _only_ one with fireproof skin, right?" She sighed as she pinched the bridge of her nose. "Besides, why be so impatient? You could've just..."

Olaf had been right though when he said: Bruni was so undeniably adorable that no one could be mad at him longer than ten seconds.

Exactly. Ten. Seconds.

"...nevermind."

A sudden smile strecthed on Elsa's face when she felt another body stir beside her and heard a groggy, weak voice.

"Are you making breakfast?" Honeymaren asked as she lazily rolled over to face Elsa. "I can take it from you. Heard you scream and thought you were being clumsy like always."

Elsa blushed and blurted out, swapping gazes between the Spirit and Maren. "I uh- I just got up as well. Bruni ruined our blanket."

Maren giggled half-asleep as she wrapped her arms around Elsa and pulled closer to her. "Cheeky lil' pal salamander. Always causing trouble." She mumbled directly pressing her face into Elsa's forearm. "Your skin. You're so cool."

In any other circumstances this statement would've made Elsa blush harder, but this time she just sighed because she was well aware that Maren didn't mean it in the cheeky way.

 _"A lil' cold water's never killed anyone."_ She quoted Maren's words mockingly, rather to herself as the girl probably didn't hear her grumble. "I _knew_ she was going to be ill."

Without another word she carefully peeled Maren's arms off of herself - even though she liked them having around her body -, stood up and grabbed Maren's hat from the clothesline. She walked over to the lake to soak it with water and then brought it back to the girl. On her errand she also made sure their enormous rocky neighbour was okay.

"Let's get you out of this fever before we head home to treat you further."

 _Home,_ her own voice rang in her ear. At first she jumped at the thought though, because it seemed scary how it had only taken a week for her to already call the Enchanted Forest her _home._ She felt as if she betrayed Arandelle, let alone her family.

She shook her head. That could wait. The ice, the beast, her confusion: all of them could patiently, politely wait in their own friggin' places until she made sure Honeymaren was okay.

So Elsa covered the girl's head with the drained piece of cloth, her lips curving into a sheepish smile as the shivering and sweating Northuldra murmured a sleepy "thanks" and sighed in relief.

* * *

While Honeymaren slept another few hours Elsa boiled the tea with the help of Bruni. By that time she already found Gale as well, but all she could do was shake her head at his questioning purr about yesterday. Elsa assured them that they were going to get to the bottom of this once Maren is brought home.

However, when Maren woke and was introduced to her plan, Elsa had to face the girl's searing determination and selflessness once again.

"Nope. We' gonna see the place for ourselves and _then_ I _may_ agree to retreat to a healer." She stated firmly, taking a careless sip of her tea while keeping her eyes directly on Elsa.

Elsa rubbed her face while pacing around before saying. "You're ill. Not necessarily on account of the cold water but the storm, I know, but there's no difference."

"Elsa, it's not the first time I caught a cold. My fever's okay as well. But according to _those_ on your shoulder I don't think I can afford myself to let you investigate on your own."

She pointed at the mentioned place and it was just then that Elsa noticed the blue patch of a bruise crawling from under the top of her ice tunic. Sure she'd felt the pain in her shoulder blades but she never took an actual look at them. She must've got it when she'd fallen over.

The Northuldra had a point but little did she know that they matched their stubbornness. So when Elsa saw that she was getting nowhere with this demanding behaviour of hers, she... had a tough decision to make. So she stepped in front of Honeymaren, putting her hands on her hips and lowered herself _just_ close enough that there was a comfortable space between their faces, and letting a brave chuckle escape ger throat she smirked.

Oh her mind oh so screamed against doing so, but she couldn't stop herself. Not when her thoughts were clouded by this hazy, dream-like morning, and not when deep inside she _knew_ this was also an excuse to give into her... desires. Her gaze stopped briefly at the Northuldra's lips as she felt her tongue dart out to lick her own, and when she noticed it made her heart skip a beat. Her momentary courage was nowhere to be found.

 _It's a natural reaction,_ she immediately told herself, _her lips are also dry and it reminded you of wetting your own._

However, the girl in front of her was drinking tea so it wasn't true.

 _You... saw the tea and you know how delicious it is,_ numerous theories were stretching her brain until she was pulled out of her panic by a familiar, low cheeky voice.

"What is it, _Snowflake?"_

_O_ _h you won't distract me._

Elsa narrowed her eyes as her smirk reappeared, and she prepared the most seductive tone she has ever mustered - she wasn't going to lose this one.

"I know you're _tough_ and _invincible_ but you shouldn't underestimate the power of... _cold._ " Cocking her head sideways she flicked a finger, casting a delicate spiral of snow into the air before finishing her sentence.

And she seemed to succeed. Maren's face was unreadable, she almost seemed like she felt lost.

But the magic vanished away just as it came when she blurted out in a husky, shaky tone.

"Spank me."

Elsa let out a quiet shriek and jumped aback. "What?!"

Maren cleared her throat, equally shocked, and looked away with a _massive_ blush, one that Elsa has never seen on her.

"I mean, _spare me_ from your try-hard... pursuing."

"W-Which means?"

Maren, however, was far quicker to recover from this embarrassing situation. She looked back at Elsa confidently.

"Which means that you ain't gonna use my _certain ego_ against me in this _certain_ case. I'm perfectly fine and I've made my decision. We visit that clearing _together_."

Before Elsa could open her mouth, she added. " _And_ you're also getting that injury patched up while you tell me what had happened yesterday."

So basically... there was no way Elsa could win this one.

* * *

The clearing wouldn't be anything extraordinary if it wasn't for the tell-tale signs of that recent battle. There were marks of massive claws digged into the ground indicating the past movements of the beast, the grass had been stomped down and the layer of dead leaves had been shaken up into hazy piles. A trunk of birch was half-cracked and the bark was damaged where the beast had hit it, and there were also black patches here and there, caused by Bruni's fire.

Elsa heard Maren gasp beside her when they arrived.

"How big was that thing?" She asked quietly, worry lacing her voice.

Elsa didn't answer and the girl didn't pursue her any longer either. Her gaze was glued to the broken sigil of the Fifth Spirit, the broken symbol of _herself_ , as if it wanted to say: this will be _your_ end. She picked up the pieces with trembling hands and froze them together like a puzzle to have a better look at the whole item. The sudden fear made her wobbling legs give in so she sat down.

Occasionally she glanced at Maren who was busy examining their surroundings. She was measuring the marks and mumbling messy calculations along with assumptions as she walked and turned and pointed and watched, eyes narrowed and knowing. But even though she must've been really good at reading the signs of the environment, right then she obviously had a hard time focusing on her task. The dull illness took its toll on her.

Soon the girl was done and settled next to her. Elsa saw Maren's hesistance whether to touch her but she didn't comment, even though she craved the touch to ease that ever so familiar longing for warmth. And of course, she wasn't brave enough to sink into the Northuldra.

"Found anything significant?" Elsa asked, pushing down her... desires.

Maren sighed and shook her head.

"I've never seen anything like this before. I- uh- I mean... the place looks ordinary but it feels _off_. There's no blood, no remains of fur or feathers. Since it was made out of _ice_ there's literally _nothing_ just something like an... empty coldness."

"So you feel it too."

Pause.

"Show me the sigil. Looks like that's our only clue."

Elsa handed the item to Honeymaren.

"Maybe I could make an attempt to recall its memory." She said.

Maren looked at her. "Are you sure?"

Elsa nodded and without a single word she went away to descend onto her knees, touching the ground and closing her eyes. A light breeze came to life and Elsa's white tunic lighted up in a faint glow as tiny droplets of water began to seep from the ground. They floated to a certain spot somewhere behind Elsa and were slowly but decently picking up the form of something... horrible and brutal.

Soon enough Elsa was welcomed by the image of herself and the ice beast, being pinned to the ground underneath her makeshift shield. The shield was barely in one piece, and Elsa's face was scrunched in agony. A few metres away there was Bruni sprinting towards them, ready to save Elsa. All of them formed out of rigid ice, but vivid enough to make her breath hitch.

Honeymaren's head jerked up at the event and she gasped again when she saw that living memory. She then hurried to Elsa who was still kneeling there, completely motionless. As if she was just as frozen as the others next to her.

They watched the scene together for long minutes.

"I've never seen you so purely terrified." Maren whispered and this time she put a palm on her shoulder, taking her other hand. "I'm sorry. Are you okay?"

Elsa chuckled bittersweetly. "Trust me I've felt worse. Not to brag, but fighting for my own life is nowhere near nothing scarier than the things that had happened."

At this she felt the Northuldra's hold on her hand tighten and her chest warmed up.

"I bet you're more concerned about what might happen to the others."

Suddenly the Northuldra hummed, stood up, and moved over to the scene, holding the item against the chest of the creature.

"What if we replace the sigil?" She wondered aloud.

Elsa shrugged. "Try it."

So Maren did just that. The item fitted just well in its socket and when it clicked into place, she stood back next to Elsa.

It was a wise choice.

Elsa barely had two seconds to raise an ice wall in front of them as the body of the beast was suddenly coated in thin cracks. Because the next moment it exploded, sending sharp shards of ice everywhere, some of them shattering further when they hit the wall.

"You're quick." Maren breathed out, staring at her with wide eyes.

Without a word Elsa dissolved the wall, only to notice the creature glowing in that strange ice once again, as if the normal frost had only been a layer keeping it together until the symbol came to bring it back to life. Although it stayed still since it was just a reanimated memory, Elsa winced when she saw it.

Before she could think it twice she moved closer to it - she hadn't had any opportunities to examine the ice further. Even as she approached she felt the temperature drop.

 _It must be from the lowest depths of Ahtohallan_ , she thought.

When Maren followed and called out to her she soothed her with a single finger.

"We don't want you to get worse, do we?"

The girl huffed in response but obeyed.

Then Elsa went further.

She touched the glowing ice and cried out in pain.


	7. Lesson three: breathing techniques

In a blink of an eye she found herself falling into the darkness - or more specifically into a blue patch at the end of the hollow -, and she felt colder by each passing second until she landed in a forest completely made out of ice.

Ahtohallan. She immediately recognized it.

However, she couldn't take another step because her body was slowly being captured in frost, so strong that it cut into her bone, making her whimper and squirm desperately. She tried to move the intact parts of her body, finding muscles she didn't even know actually existed, but it was no use. Her head and an arm being the last thing she could move, she looked above herself to see the dark hollow turning into piercing light.

"Anna..." Was the only thing she could muster before she turned into rigid, lifeless ice.

The situation seemed _so_ familiar. It was a memory in fact, but for a brief moment she couldn't quite point her finger on it. Then she remembered, and everything fell back into the present.

So her eyes that were shut tightly in pain snapped open at the sound of someone calling her name, and the first thing she saw was her hand that had touched the ice beast.

It was _frozen._

"No, no, no, not again!" She whined as a last image of that memory flashed before her, making her shiver in horror.

So she almost used her free hand to melt it, but then again remembered that her powers were useless. Instead she tried to pull away but the tiny spot where her skin and the glowing ice were touching was totally frozen as well. The next thing that came to mind was to step away and apply extra force by adding her full weight, but her feet didn't move either. Then she made an attempt to turn around and seek _anything_ to grab into, finding her ice self laying under the creature. It seemed to keep its normal form of ice, so Elsa reached out for the figure with her intact hand, arching her body in an angle that felt just as painful as the frost stinging her flesh.

"Elsa!" The voice called again but she was too anxious to notice through the blood drumming in her ears.

She made another attempt to strain her muscles, but the ice Elsa was too far away and the real Elsa mirrored that terrified expression on her own replica.

Then, however, arms wrapped around her waist firmly and the touch made her snap out of her agonized trance.

"I've got you." Honeymaren grunted as she tried to free Elsa on her own, but all she earned was another pained cry as the growing ice kept her in place with an iron grip.

Elsa's eyes were scanning the area around them so desperately that she soon felt dizzy. All she saw was yet again this glowing _ice_ and the clearing was filled with the sounds of her whimpers, Maren's grunts, and the quiet but lethal crackling of the frost capturing her flesh. Then her gaze was caught at her waist where Maren was clutching her and the breath caught in her throat.

"Watch out!" She hissed with gritted teeth and gestured at the Northuldra's hands with her head.

Oh, her _head._ It felt _so_ heavy. And she felt cold just like in Ahtohallan. Really cold.

But the frost threatened to spread on Maren so Elsa jerked her intact hand to peel the girl off of her, only to notice that it was also starting to freeze. At that she felt Maren's grip on her grow even tighter and then she was pulled another time with no succeed but bone-chilling pain. Oh Gods it _hurt._ Her whole body felt rigid and the piercing pressure was unbearable. She soon came to realize it wasn't entirely like in Ahtohallan's depths. This was way more violent and painful.

"Let go of me! I can't let you catch it!" Elsa yelled this time, tilting her head to look at Maren who was staring back at her in a mixture of determination and dread.

"B-But I can't just watch this stupid ice stab you in the heart!" She yelled back, voice equally shaking.

Then her eyes widened, mouth agape, and they both knew the answer.

"Stab the heart." Maren whispered and was already rushing to get her spear.

Elsa at the meantime however, was almost frozen head-to-toe. Her dizziness began to grow over her and was accompanied by a heavy headache, the two making her vision swim in stars and black spots. Subconsciously she recalled that memory in the deepest chambers of Ahtohallan and from that and she _knew_ she didn't have much time left. But what she _didn't know_ was whether she would survive this time. For a moment she... wasn't even worried. All she could feel was numbness and exhaustion.

" _Dive down deep into her sound_..." Her instincts sang weakly as a blurry figure came into her vision from across.

" _But not too far, or..."_ She didn't have the strength to finish it.

"If you think I'll let you _drown_ , you're very wrong."

Her mind started to finally drift away, yet that last voice was somehow able to cut through the fog.

The last hazy scene she saw was Maren stabbing her spear back into the sigil, her fierce battlecry morphed into a distant echo. Then that familiar pain surged into Elsa's chest again when the item was once again torn from the ice.

And it finally threw her over the edge.

* * *

Elsa has never experienced anything like this before.

She saw nothing but she felt her eyes being open and wide as they were getting used to the darkness... or... nothingness, whatever surrounded her. Her feet felt no surface underneath, but her body didn't feel like floating either. Also, there was silence, so perfect and flawless that she didn't even hear herself - no breathing, no pulse. Was her vital system even functioning? Elsa didn't know.

She was just... _existing._ Somewhere, somehow, sometime.

However, the absurdity of the situation didn't scare her. Nothing mattered in fact. Nothing else than a single voice starting to echo her name.

Elsa spun around only to see the contours of her own body blur as she moved, as if time had been slower than her. She made an attempt to swing her hand once more, watching in awe as the flow of time hurried to catch up with the material world.

She was called again and when she looked up there was a hazy frame of a slightly smaller human standing in front of her. She couldn't recognize its face but a few aspects caught her attention.

_Perfectly cut, natural brows._

_Black pupils barely visible in brown irises._

_Oh, those eyes._

In all of a sudden Elsa felt _frozen,_ and a distant sting of distress tried to remind her of _something_ about _freezing_ or whatever _,_ but it vanished away just as abruptly as it came. No, _those eyes_ were all that she could focus on, and there was a faint thought of relief in the back of her mind that she was allowed to stare at them.

It was like a puzzle that you could properly see the image of, but those very few missing pieces still made it annoyingly incomplete.

Then the ghost - spirit suited it better - came closer and as Elsa's view was glued to its face, she didn't notice when it touched her hand. She flinched at it, though not out of fear, but because the touch sent a massive surge of _warmth_ inside of her.

_That longing for warmth._

It simply worked as a drug. Elsa's senses were dulled and she did as her pure, primal instincts told her. She inched towards the spirit and the closeness allowed her to taste its scent.

_A spicy mixture of smoke and flowers and grass and just... Nature._

After taking a deep breath of it, her gaze dropped to its lips.

_Not so full but perfectly round._

So she leaned in to kiss them shamelessly - after all, nothing seemed to matter in this strange universe. Admittedly... Elsa has never kissed anyone - never even thought about kissing someone. But now that in this dreamlike scene she was here with this man, actually doing it, the situation coming completely out of nowhere, her world exploded.

Her eyes widened at first as Elsa realized what she had started, but her eyelids immediately fluttered shut as the spirit returned the tender kiss. He perfectly compensated Elsa's timid lips and let her get used to the feeling before taking the gentle lead.

So he guided her hand up to his shoulder and she grabbed them both, pulling the man into herself. As their lips now moved more confidently, Elsa let herself slip further into her drugged haze, seeing stars in the back of her eyes and shutting out everything - if there was even something to shut out in this world of theirs. She felt his arms snake around her waist to pull themselves flush against one and other and the movement made her lock her own around his neck.

And suddenly... she noticed something.

Her hands slipped underneath a _thick braid_ as they moved to the spirit's slender neck. But the more interesting fact was that there were... _bumps_ colliding with her own chest as the space between them disappeared. Elsa winced but didn't have the desire to pull away just yet.

She _obviously_ thought of a _man_ when she kissed the unrecognizable spirit, so at first she couldn't believe her senses.

No. He must be a man... He _should_ be a man... shouldn't he? But what if...?

So even though her hands were now shaking, Elsa slid them downwards to feel up the spirit's body. Yes, they _definitely_ grazed the sides of two _breasts_ and the delicate curve of the body ended in wide hips.

This was a _female_ who was kissing her with such passion, and she _enjoyed_ it anyways, that searing but calming warmth growing ever more intoxicating. It clearly surprised her but she let herself get used to the realization - pretty quick.

Her mind then again, however, protested against her body's comfort. And from then on Elsa wasn't sure whether this was the worst or the best dream of her life.

Pulling her away from her thoughts, the spirit - the girl - leaned in for another soft kiss. Elsa didn't want to end it but now she was angry at herself for it.

"What are we doing?" She breathed out as she softly ripped her lips from the spirit's. Boy, what a strength it took to do so. Thank gods she had mastered self-control over those years of hiding her powers.

However, Elsa didn't get an answer and even though she felt fine, the silence started to make her squirm uneasily. She couldn't help but pull away a little, her body screaming against it but her mind encouraging her.

 _Women do not kiss women_ , she kept telling herself firmly, but she was well aware that she had already failed with it. After all, this was a fact she wasn't even supposed to remind herself of.

"Why... are you here with me?" She tried another question, but the spirit just kept staring at her. Her face still looked blurry enough to be unrecognizable and it just fed Elsa's anxiety.

_This is wrong._

Eventually her mind, alongside with her stubborn self-control won this sudden war, so Elsa retreated entirely and turned away. Once again she flinched when the girl called after her, but she ignored her name. It didn't matter who exaclty she had just kissed. The important thing was not to pay attention at it at all.

And then a long-forgotten tune lured itself into Elsa's mind.

 _Don't_ _let them in, don't let them see. Be the good girl, you always have to be._

* * *

She woke a little better than she expected, but the dream was surely going to haunt her for a while, even though the details slipped away.

"...We all worry about her, Maren, but she has to figure this out on her own."

_Figure out what?_

Elsa was too tired, scared and dizzy to open her eyes just yet but she recognized the voices of Yelena and Honeymaren. According to the elder's presence, the distant chattering of common life, and the smells that filled her nose, they were finally back at the Northuldra.

She flinched as the realization made her remember those last memories before passing out, and she finally understood those subtle warnings from her dream. With a clench in her gut she almost jumped up to check on her body - or at least what remained. But when she slightly tensed her muscles, feeling each fiber and vein and surface of skin cleanly without any restraint or pain, she relaxed. Her temperature felt fine as well. No ice, no cold, no pain, no beast.

She was alive and home. They both were.

Yelena went on and Elsa kept still. Whatever they were talking about, did definitely not seem fine. She wanted to hear it all.

"All we can do is help her find a way through this ordeal, and take care of her soul. The rest is up to her."

_Ordeal?_

Maren's pathetic tone broke Elsa's heart. "But she _just_ found peace within her destiny. Why can't she just... finally have no problems?"

Yelena sighed. "Only Ahtohallan knows, child. Just keep passing on what I had taught you. Let us give the rest to the River and Nature."

Maren mirrored the trembling sigh and quoted. " _In her waters, deep and true, lie the answers and a path for you."_

Yelena hummed in agreement and chuckled. "She doesn't have to be scared as long as you're here. And _you_ don't have to be scared as long as _I'm_ here. You two have an unique bond. I sensed it from the beginning."

_Unique bond?_

"...Elsa, dear, you don't have to eavesdrop on us."

Elsa winced again, a pool of ice forming under her body, and opened her eyes cautiously to see the blurry image of the two women standing on either sides of her, the elder looking at her in soft amusement. It was just then that she realized they were in the healers' lavvu which smelled of herbs and other medical supplies.

She wanted to open her mouth to protest but Yelena waved her off casually.

"Don't you worry, like I said we'll have everything sorted out. I never intended to hide any bad news in order to protect you. Trust us." She reached out to run a gentle hand along her arm and changed a brief look between the girls. "Now try to rest. Both of you. We'll talk when the Sun rises."

And she exited the lavvu before Elsa could blink twice.

Silence followed as she was staring at the entrance. There were too much information to process at once and she just didn't want any of it right now.

"You must be thirsty." Honeymaren broke the long pause and without waiting for a reply, she brought a big bowl of water. "You were knocked our for pretty long, as if you had been hibernated."

She helped Elsa drink who was indeed dehydrated.

"How did we get home? Are you-"

"I'm _fine._ "

Maren's tone cut into the tense air so firmly that Elsa didn't dare to speak more. When the girl noticed her shocked expression, she looked away guiltily.

"How are _you_ feeling? Healers said your body is intact. Has the frost done anything unusual?"

Elsa sat up and snorted now that her throat was hydrated again, and she didn't have to say anything to make Maren understand with a heavy breath. The tension just grew.

"Look, I know this trip of ours didn't turn out as I had planned, but-"

"We almost died." Elsa cut her off flatly, her eyes not meeting the girl's on purpose. Not when her questions along with anxiety and anger and distress were clouding her eyes to make them rain with tears.

It was Maren's turn to be shocked. "Are you really putting the blame on me?"

Elsa slapped herself mentally. _Don't be childish,_ she scolded herself.

"I'm sorry, of course I'm not. It's just..." Her voice hitched. Oh no, not the tears.

The Northuldra immediately scooted over to her and held her hand. Then again, that warmth came back rushing at the touch and it just made Elsa's stiffened sniffs grow heavier. Since when did she start to cry in front of anyone else than Anna?

Honeymaren's despair from earlier disappeared the moment she had to be strong for Elsa.

"Look around you. Could anything be worse than the things you've been through? I'm sure the last days were nothing compared to them."

The last days... Elsa remembered the glowing ice.

"Ice that even _I_ can't break? If it's possible then it- It's completely defying my _existence_!" She couldn't help but clutch her own head, as if to try to keep her world together. "Yes I know you said my powers shouldn't define me but this... _this_ is different."

But Maren kept her cool and Elsa was thankful for it.

"Lower your voice Snowflake. Releasing your anxiety into the air has no use right now. Sit up, cross your legs." She commanded and when Elsa positioned herself, she hopped onto the bed, mirroring her. "Yelena told us to go on with the lessons. So be it. Look at me, inhale, and listen. If nothing seems to be okay and safe, let the steadiness of your breathing anchor you."

In. Out. In. Out.

"You're doing good. Alright, I get your point, Elsa. Ice is indeed _your_ element and like Yelena said, we won't lie to you: this strange ice is some serious trouble."

In... Out... In. Out.

"But this is nothing we can't handle, okay? You're new to this, we all are. The answers must be in Ahtohallan and we're already working on understanding it."

In. Out... wait. For a brief moment Maren's face wore a strange expression and when she noticed that _Elsa_ noticed, her voice also changed.

"I said breathe..." It was a weak command. Elsa didn't fall for it.

"What is it?" She asked straight away and the Northuldra sighed. Did her cheeks pick up a light shade of red as well? Elsa couldn't tell for sure in the dim light. Maren averted her gaze, nevertheless.

"Most importantly... It's the feeling you still conceal, even if you don't know what it is either... I _see_ how it's building in you and how you supress it."

_Conceal, don't feel, put on a show._

And of course, Elsa remembered the dream. Now that she was awake and her mind could think straight, every piece of this puzzle became just a little clearer. She indeed had something in the back of her heart that if she acknowledged and let out, would definitely change everything.

But did she want that? A... woman? And even if she did, how could she know if it was the right thing to desire? And first of all, _why_ did she feel like that and why exactly _now?_ She's never even really thought of... romantic love.

Both of them were blushing, but then again it couldn't prevent Maren from totally acting super-cool.

" _There you go_." She sang smugly and it should have made Elsa cringe and blush harder, but instead she cracked a weak smile.

She just wanted to be happy for a moment with her _friend_.

In the meantime the girl stood up and grabbed a small jar of some sort of a salve from a nearby table.

"Lesson three: breathing techniques." She called over her shoulder.

She took a handful and massaged it on her chest, inhaling deeply but unevenly from illness. The room was immediately filled with the intense smell of mint and Elsa literally _felt_ Maren's relief. It was just then that she noticed Maren had only been wearing a loose sleeveless top, her toned skin, built muscles and chest bindings completely able to be seen. Elsa gulped. She was _staring_. She watched as Maren cleared her throat and turned aside to spit shamelessly, probably something disgusting leaving her lungs. She rubbed a subtle trail of saliva from her mouth and when their gazes met, they both froze in amused surprise.

It wasn't ladylike at all, and being driven by her former queen-self, Elsa visibly frowned and almost scolded her for behaving like a primitive savage. But Maren's... unique personality and great sense of humour could always ease up her stress, and deep inside she's also come to admire this carefree, natural side of her. After all, these dangerous events really made them crave some relief, so with the laughter that burst out of them they both could release everything.

"Anyway." The Northuldra began between hoarse, clammy giggles. "Wanna know how I had brought your heavy butt all the way here?"

Elsa faked an offended gasp. "I'm the Fifth Spirit and I was unconscious, show some respect."

"Are _you_ talking about unconsciousness?"

Pause. Narrowed eyes.

"Let's just say we're equal."

Maren rolled her eyes. "Okay. But... stay with me."

Elsa's heart skipped a beat and the Northuldra quickly grabbed her hand. "Don't freak out, you don't have to say yes if you need space. It's just... I want to keep an eye on you."

"Okay." Elsa replied without another thought of doubt.

Right now, it was Honeymaren who could make her forget everything that bothered her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol  
> Currently I'm skiing in Austria... at least I'm trying to. Global warming is real, there's literally no snow in Europe. :(
> 
> It's terrifying to think about whether I'll ever do this wonderful sport again, all because of our "lovely" human race. Please, let's stop this damned warming and not only for winter's sake.
> 
> But anyways I was like,  
> ELSA you bitch where IS my snow?! XD


	8. Women don't kiss women

Elsa had to fight the urge to well up at the sight of Ryder and Maren exchanging a strong, relieved sibling-hug.

"I came as soon as I could. I was on the fields guarding the herd for you." He breathed into the top of his sister's head. "When they told me you two returned earlier I figured something was wrong. What happened?"

"In a nutshell: Ahtohallan went crazy now that she woke up, and almost froze our asses. We'll have the elders gather tomorrow."

Ryder's jaw fell slack. "Holy Spirits, are you for real? C'mon Elsa, you too, le'mme warm you two right back up."

He hastily gestured at Elsa and she smiled nervously, hesistant - she didn't get to choose though because a big hand grabbed her tunic and jerked her in. Ryder smelled of reindeers which was horribly mixed with that smell of manly sweat, but the pure affection eventually made her chest swell with joy. Maren beside her just chuckled at his overprotective demeanor and the situation reminded Elsa of her own sister. She made a mental note to hug the blood out of Anna the next time they meet, whilst she returned the squeeze.

Oh, _Anna._

Part of Elsa felt relieved now that things as the Fifth Spirit turned out to be much harder than she thought, because she never woke or slept without sparing a thought for all that burden she had put on Anna's shoulder with this decision. She was sure her sister would be a perfect queen for Arendelle, and supposed Anna had unknowingly learned a thing or two during the time she watched her being a queen herself.

But then again this was _Elsa,_ and _Elsa_ could never be entirely at ease without making flawlessly sure that everything was okay with her sister. After all, she had lived her whole adolescence being prepared for the throne, unlike Anna.

However, mostly she just cursed the concerned clench in her gut whenever she remembered that she was ought to explain everything to her sister. She considered keeping it as a secret, like always, but the last week had finally taught her _not to_ keep secrets in front of Anna... especially if this was going to affect Arendelle as well, which was very likely to happen. But of course Elsa wasn't going to just sweep it under the carpet either if there were any chances that it wouldn't.

Her thoughts were interrupted when Maren's voice rang up as they pulled away.

"We're okay, bro. Just need to rest it out. Thanks for keeping the front though."

Ryder looked over at Elsa. "Something tells me I'm gonna have more problems than just shepherding a bunch of deers alone."

He wasn't sarcastic like Elsa has known him to be, not even demanding or angry, but the worry and uncertainty colouring his voice could hurt so much more than a tasty remark. Before Elsa could open her mouth though, Honeymaren spoke instead of her and put a hand on his shoulder as if to stop him.

"Not now please. I'm tired for this and Elsa's still shocked. Call it a night and save your Ryder-like questions for tomorrow."

He pursed his lips and rubbed his neck, clearly surprised and guilty. "Oh, yeah. Sorry. G'night ladies!"

Maren gave him a last hug, patting his back, and they parted ways.

"I know how you feel but weren't you a bit harsh on him? He was just curious." Elsa asked as they headed for Maren's lavvu.

The girl sighed as she rubbed her forehead. "You're right. He tends to be a little clueless but he ain't stupid or heartless. This was a long day is all."

"Make up for it tomorrow. When Anna would be mad at me I would make her a heart-shaped note saying 'sorry'. _And_ I'd carve it by _hand."_

Maren stared and snickered. "Nah, don't make me believe that the mighty Queen Elsa of Arendelle, First of Her Name, The Unfrozen, Fifth Spirit of The Enchanted Forest, Lifter of The Mist, Mistress of Ice, High-heeled Constructor of Ice Castles, Mother of Olaf and Marshmallow, Sneezer of Tiny Snowmen-"

Elsa felt like she was going to drown in her own laughter. "Gods Maren, s-stop. You literally just described my- my whole life in improvised titles." She pressed out between breathy giggles and she had to grab onto the Northuldra to keep her balance. She still felt weak from the recent events despite she had passed out for nearly a half day.

Maren held her tight with a surprised yelp and shared her laughter.

"I couldn't help it! I just can't get sick Elsa outta' my head, sneezing tiny squeaking snowballs."

"They almost ruined my sister's birthday."

"Duh, stop seeing it that way. It must've been awesome!" The girl beside her - with one arm still over her shoulder - poked her in the stomach.

"You _gotta_ show me that ice palace of yours one day. I'll bring them all here and kids gonna keep them as pets. No. _Reindeers_ will be going nuts for them!"

"Just wait until I fall sick again and you'll get as many of them as you'd like."

"Then let's hope you'll catch it from me." Maren said and stuck out a wet tongue, making a disgusting face, and briefly leaned into Elsa's face.

"Gross." Elsa murmured but she knew Maren didn't care at all.

"Anyway, why trade heels for sandals?" The girl asked.

Elsa rolled her eyes, swinging her foot in front of them to gain a better view of it. "Really? Have you ever worn heels?"

"Uh- no?"

"Then try them. Once you do, you won't ask this question twice."

They walked through the village like two chirpy chicks, all eyes on them, but they didn't care or even notice.

"Ookay... Yet I still can't imagine you casting an ice cube just to pick up your tools and sculpt it."

All Elsa could do was scoff.

"Oh no, nope! You'll have to convince me." Maren pressed.

"No I won't. I _did_ carve it because thus it was more personal." Elsa retorted. "Also, I needed to practice working with ice without my powers because I tended to get too comfortable." She added.

"Okay, okay I get it. Being a magical water-bender must be _sooo_ boring." Maren rolled her eyes with _that_ lopsided smile of hers. Under any other circumstances Elsa would've been deeply hurt by this statement, because her powers weren't that simple to just joke about them like this, but something told her Maren knew that exactly. So instead, she just smiled.

The Northuldra hurried forward to open the small door of her lavvu. "After you, Snowflake."

Why did this gesture wake all those butterflies in Elsa's stomach? Being driven by her usual fear of closeness, she started to doubt this was a good idea, and it took every ounce of concentration not to let ice slip out.

However, they were already inside and despite Elsa knew she could tell Maren to stop this anytime, she... didn't want to.

 _You're such a disaster,_ she told herself, _if only she could read your mind._..

Honeymaren's room happened to be really cozy, although it looked quite simple and somwehat... masculine? Elsa had been sleeping in a female's guest lavvu until they decided where to build hers, yet it was so different from this one. There were carefully woven covers decorating the walls and allowing them to keep warmth inside, their patterns similar to Iduna's shawl. Yet in the girl's lavvu, which was basically smaller than usual, there were only pelts and leather hides fulfilling this role. The fireplace in the middle was less equipped just like everything connected to women's jobs, and she owned more tools used for hunting, riding, fishing, scouting and combat.

It was the Northuldra's personal space and being in here made Elsa feel both nervous and excited. Oddly, Maren seemed like the same.

"Welcome?" She spun around and spread her arms, both the action and her grin unusually clumsy as her eyes scanned the area as if to seek anything misplaced.

Elsa couldn't help but bite her lip to supress her laughter - it made Maren have a sharp intake of breath, but it must've been her imagination -, and decided to take a short trip around while Maren dropped her stuff and began to light the fireplace. Elsa examined the girl's archery gear, the arrows manufactured with great precision. There were runes carved into her quiver and Elsa hummed in amusement when she saw the tiny reindeers decorating her saddle.

According to these, Maren didn't happen to be so talented in arts but they looked genuine and adorable anyways.

"Don't you dare laugh at them." The girl called over without even facing her. "I made that saddle at the age of sixteen."

Elsa gawked. "So are these all your handiwork?"

"Yeah." Maren replied and joined her, pointing at each piece either hanging on the wall or placed onto a shelf. "Baskets and fishing net, nine - a big bastard king salmon tore it once. Hand axe, knife, spear, eleven. Flask, tent, scope, thirteen, but you already saw these. Bow, quiver and arrows, fourteen - making them was as tough as it is easy to use them. And finally, my saddle for Niná."

Yeah... she wasn't an artist but a talented, precise handywoman, and it made Elsa's heart race for an unknown reason.

"She's your reindeer right?"

Maren nodded. "Yup. Poor girl was totally going nuts without me. I regret not bringing her along. You two would get along well." She winked at Elsa. "But don't worry, I don't talk to her in the way the boys do. Plus, I also have human friends."

Elsa laughed as the sound of Kristoff imitating Sven's voice rang in her ears. Maren in the meantime walked over to the bed to ready it for themselves.

"Which reminds me of what I wanted to tell you." She added.

"About - I quote - _how you had brought my heavy butt all the way here?"_

"Exactly. Guess it."

Elsa hummed. "You wouldn't have been able to drag my _heavy butt_ with your bare hands, would you?"

"Nice of you to consider this case, but no, unfortunately I wouldn't. The path was long and I had to move fast."

Elsa raised an eyebrow. "So you basically confirm that I'm too heavy to be carried. Rude."

Maren mirrored her expression, and from then on they both knew this was going to be just another catfight. Like a predator, she tiptoed over to Elsa, the sudden movement making her take back a startled step. But this time it earned an excited hunger for challenge, so she stood her ground and bravely stared right back into Maren's eyes.

Pause.

_Got you._

"So you basically confirm that the problem is not _me_ being too _weak_ to carry a person. _Rude._ " The Northuldra purred without skipping a beat.

_Almost..._

_"That is a way to take compliments."_ Elsa couldn't help it. She needed to be the one to start singing this time.

 _"_ _I have some ego to suppress."_

_"Let us agree you are improving."_

_"It doesn't mean you don't need to-"_

Maren tended to forget she had a serious cold, because her tune ended in a series of slimy coughing. Elsa considered it a win anyways, so she chuckled and patted the girl's back, waiting for her lungs to calm down.

"Just wait until I feel better."

"We need to rest." Elsa said eventually, ignoring the Northuldra's pouty murmur with a smug grin.

So they lay down under the furs in silence. The bed wasn't that wide so they were basically snuggled together like they were last night, which Elsa didn't mind. After all, this was her _female friend_ and they totally needed this.

A few things were different though: this time it was Elsa who was spooned from behind. She definitely liked it better and hummed pleasantly as she sunk deeper into Maren's chest. Her anxiety was nowhere to be found by now, though her pulse sped up when the girl behind her sighed into her hair, those arms around her waist tightening. Also, they weren't cuddling in order to stay alive, but simply just because they liked each other's company. Or at least, Elsa truly appreciated it.

When they were finally comfortable, the Northuldra spoke up.

"So anyways, I called the Nokk. I nearly made into my pants when he began galloping upwards the waterfall, causing me to almost drop you."

Elsa giggled hysterically, her eyes abruptly wide in horror. "Good to know. Save me and kill me. Well done, you earned my trust."

Maren groaned, her mouth so close to Elsa's ear that the sharp sound made her scrunch her face with an amused smile. "You're getting better at sarcasm..." The girl grumbled.

"I had the best teacher."

Pause.

"C'mon I'm terrified of that damned Spirit, okay? Do you know he used to scare kids in the waters?"

No, Maren wasn't going to give in so easily.

"Olaf told me something like that."

"He wasn't crazy. Really, the Nokk tricked me too when I was like, barely seven. I was playing in a shallow river with Ryder when his stupid horse head literally sneaked behind me and grunted. He splashed water into my eyes as I spun around with a scream." 

"Explains why you're so obsessed with deers. You're afraid of horses, aren't you?"

Another pause. A quiet, grumpy growl forming the word 'maybe'.

But before Elsa could burst out with laughter, a finger was hastily pressed against her mouth to hush her.

"You're right, we need to rest. Night!"

"Mmph, duh... good night, Maren."

Long minutes passed and despite she really did feel tired and weak, Elsa couldn't fall asleep just yet. Again something was... bugging her. It didn't surprise her after all that had just happened, but it bothered her anyways.

The last time she had a dream she _kissed a woman._ What if she did it again? And... she was also sleeping, no, _cuddling_ with one. Like a couple. Like a man would spoon a woman.

This was all wrong.

But she longed for Maren's warmth, there was no use denying it. She even forgot how that itching need for it dissolved as she found herself getting used to her presence. Now that she allowed the Northuldra to touch her like her sister would, everything that came with it just felt _normal,_ even though the situation itself didn't.

This was all a mess.

Speaking of the Northuldra...

"Elsa?"

She thought Honeymaren was fast asleep long ago. Her voice was quiet and thinner than usual so Elsa decided not to pull a joke.

"Yes?"

"You... really scared me. The frost was agonizingly slow to leave your skin."

"It was magical, it didn't harm me." Her throat tightened as she said that, because it wasn't entirely true.

"I figured, but it looked dreadful and your energy felt... weak and just _off._ I didn't know what to do with it, I just hurried back here."

Her last sentence was barely a whisper.

"I- I don't want you to be hurt in any ways."

Elsa's fingers involuntarily wandered to Maren's arm around her waist and began caressing it. She felt the girl beneath her touch shiver and it made her do so.

"All beginnings are difficult. _You_ told me Ahtohallan needs to be studied." Was all she could say after a while - she would lie if she told Honeymaren she wasn't going to be hurt along her way.

They stayed silent for a while, so in order to just ease up a bit, Elsa turned onto her back beneath Maren's embrace and casted the doodled contours of a snow reindeer above them. They smiled while they watched the snowflakes dancing away in the air.

Then Elsa looked at the girl.

"Maren?"

"Yes?"

"I was worried too. When I saw you in the dark, for a moment I thought you were dead."

Another silence.

"Toldcha: a lil' cold water's never killed anyone."

Then the girl did something that Elsa didn't expect: she leaned over and kissed her on the cheek.

Elsa froze as her mind kept replaying her dream at the touch of Maren's ever so soft lips. When the girl pulled away, her bangs tickled the spot where Elsa's face was kissed.

Oh, Elsa loved those bangs too. She hasn't really payed a close attention to it, but now she realized.

As the Northuldra moved, however, her scent was left there hanging, and Elsa recognized it.

 _A spicy mixture of smoke and flowers and grass and just... Nature_ \- now joined by that minty balm, and less strong as she must've taken a thorough bath. Regardless, Elsa _knew_ it matched the scent she faintly remembered from her sleep. It felt weird because she was well aware it hadn't actually happened, but it was so _vivid_ she could easily believe it was real. How on Earth could she recall _smells_ from a dream? She didn't know though.

But the question lingered: was it also _Honeymaren_ whom she had dreamt kissing?

The fact that she couldn't give orders to her body was more startling though: she didn't stand up and leave. No. Elsa stayed right where she was and let those goose bumps take over her thoughts. It was one of those extremely rare times when her self-control failed.

Because let's be honest: _she liked_ having those lips on her skin despite the feeling was brand new.

 _Don't you dare blush_ , she told herself. It was late.

However, Maren's face went the opposite. "Gods, I'm so sorry!" She blurted out. "I shouldn't have done that."

She was ready to pull away but Elsa didn't let her.

"It's- It was okay." She whispered and couldn't help but run her fingers along the girl's bangs, sweeping them out of her face. But her hand didn't stop there.

Elsa touched Maren's brows: _p_ _erfectly cut, natural_ _._

Elsa touched Maren's cheeks, just under her eyes: _black pupils barely visible in brown irises._

And finally, hesitantly, but Elsa touched Maren's lips: _not so full, but perfectly round._

Gods... it was really Honeymaren. Elsa had fucking kissed her _female friend_ in her dream.

The girl had a strange, wide, but genuine grin on her face. She looked so gorgeous Elsa wanted to scream. To her incredible luck, her tired senses were dull enough so that her nerves didn't fill the whole lavvu with snow.

"Feel free to slap me if I cross a line." Maren said eventually.

_If only she knew._

So when Elsa turned back onto her side, she giggled uncontrollably and felt totally insane.

 _Darling, w_ e _had already crossed that line._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Usual singing scene inspired by the tune for I Won't Say I'm In Love from Hercules.
> 
> They're almost there. ;)


	9. Head of Defense

Elsa has probably never felt more grateful for a bath. She wanted to go right back into that hot spring Maren had showed her in the morning.

Yes. Elsa needed to disappear.

However... she couldn't just do so like she wanted. She had to be here to face the trouble she had gotten herself into.

The spring, still. Warm, steamy, natural... just like Honeymaren.

Oh no, Elsa did it again. She absent-mindedly traced her own cheek where the feeling of the Northuldra's lips _still_ lingered. Her body was also tingling where Maren's arm had been wrapped around her... so did her fingers which had wandered away to caress Maren's hand.

_Conceal, don't feel, put on a show._

Worse: she licked her lips at the memory.

_Make one wrong move and everyone will know._

She needed a distraction for _her own_ distraction, so once again she glanced through the people around her. Elsa still needed to memorize those names. The healers were a middle-aged woman named Meret and her assistant, a young girl named Helgá. She also knew a few kids who were asking adorable questions every now and then.

The elders who surrounded her right now were the tougher ones... sure she knew Yelena as their leader, but she hasn't really talked to the rest just yet. Although as a former queen she was used to memorizing names, the Northuldra names tended to be more difficult to keep in mind without errors that might as well were going to put her into uncomfortable situations.

She was glad though that Maren undertook the task to tell every detail of the incident, so that she had a few opportunities to prepare herself for the rest of the counselling.

It took place on the Western side of the village which was in the opposite direction of the spiritual region on the East. Northuldra beliefs said the Eastern direction was sacred as the Sun rose there, and that politics shall not interfere with the Spirits, so they must be discussed in the farthest possible location. Even if the case was rather close to religion, it was still considered political, since there was always a chance that people didn't agree on it. Solely individual, purely spiritual matters were the only ones that were never questioned.

"Very well. Now that we know what happened exactly, we can agree this threat shall be taken seriously." Yelena, standing in the middle as the head of the council began. "We shall hear your observations now, wisest people of the Sun, tied together by sacred oath."

A short pause followed before a silver-haired man called Eret spoke up in a raspy but gentle tone.

"We were all aware that the way to finally reestablish our connection with the outside world would be a long one. This-"

Another man - the oldest - cut in impatiently. His face was heavily wrinkled, and his sharp blue eyes - one step away from the shade of white, and even that last shade disappeared in the right lighting - looked like they were glowing in the contrast of his dark skin. He suddenly reminded Elsa of the ice beast, feeling an unpleasant shudder wash over her body. And what he said just confirmed her instinctive unease.

"But she's the Fifth Spirit and she has no idea what to do."

A woman retorted in an instant. "Hold up, Ámmon. We weren't even sure whether the Fifth Spirit even _existed!_ How do you expect _her_ to just know all the answers?"

"Exactly. She's just a child."

When people began murmuring, Elsa felt the surface of the stone that she'd been sitting on go slippery under her palms.

_No, no, no, not now!_

If people saw the ice, they would think she has no control over it.

She had control. She was the Fifth Spirit. She had control over her emotions... And why was this man so inherently hostile with her?

Ámmon glanced around and his narrowed eyes were barely visible between his thick brow and the bags under them. He was brushing his long, snow-white mustache, purposefully watching Elsa and Honeymaren.

 _He noticed._ A jolt of anxiety tugged at her gut so she glanced at Maren beside her, who - even without the need to look at her - gave her a calm, barely visible nod as if to say: _don't worry, we got this._

Elsa felt an urge to grab her hand like she had last night and she couldn't help but glance down at them, easily giving herself away. They were already sitting so close on the rocks that their arms touched, it would've taken an inch to intertwine their fingers. But of course, she didn't dare. Especially if this... Ámmon was watching them closely.

In the meantime the woman went on so the circle halted.

"Eret is right. We'd spent too much time in disharmony. Even though we'd always tried to compensate the anger of Nature, it's never been true balance. And the longer we're like this, the longer it takes to fix it. You cannot deny this, Ámmon."

He nodded but still didn't seem convinced. "I can't indeed. But I can't just trust this blonde within a heartbeat, either."

"Couldn't you at least let her defend herself?" Another irritated voice asked.

Elsa was immensely grateful for the people who decided to stand beside her, but this particular argument did everything but not help her nerves.

And Ámmon must've noticed, because he flashed a gloating smile and nodded with forced politeness, turning back to Elsa without missing the pool of ice inching wider with each second passing by.

"We shouldn't pretend like she is not even here, should we?" He commented.

Elsa took a deep, ragged breath, careful not to be too conspicuous and seem anything like weak, uncertain or stupid...

 _Remember your origins,_ she told herself.

"If Ahtohallan chose my Mother to give birth to the Fifth Spirit, then it was for a purpose." She stated.

"Go on." The man nodded, that annoying smile growing wider. He was playing with Elsa, he was clearly tasting her. "I mean I'm not saying you're incapable. You had kept your promise and as the bridge between Spirit and Human, you freed us from the Mist. But what now?"

"Stop it!" Maren and a few others growled.

Elsa's frustration grew dangerously. She stood up though and continued as she was asked.

"I... I had come all the way here to save my kingdom and go back, but I ended up _staying_ with my Mother's people. So if you don't trust _me,_ then trust someone entirely from your own. Trust Iduna."

"Trust her? She left us in here." Ámmon said without blinking. "You're the daughter of a _traitor."_

And that was it. Elsa couldn't bear this pure, unconditional wickedness and lost her temper.

"It was her _fate_ to join Arendelle! My Mother left to find a _solution_! She gave _her life_ for it!" She yelled and took an intimidating step forward, fractals of ice swirling around her.

"How do you think the Mist would've been broken if I hadn't been born?! How do you think I would've found Ahtohallan without my Mother's research?! How do you think I'd come to accept all of this _myself?!_ " She kept shouting with another step taken with each sentence.

And Elsa would've gone on and on and so on if a steady hand hadn't grabbed her arm - she didn't have to look back to know it was Honeymaren. Elsa winced and spun around at the touch, tears pricking the back of her eyes as she stared into those brown ones pleadingly.

"I don't want to hurt you." She hissed so quietly that she wasn't even sure if the girl heard it. But whether she did or not, Maren kept still, gazing straight into Elsa's soul.

"Breathe." She mouthed and Elsa remembered what she'd been told about anchoring herself. She obeyed, but was well aware it wasn't mostly the breathing technique anchoring her down.

It was Maren.

A few seconds later the tiny blizzard died off. Only then she dared to glance around, expecting to see all the elders staring at the scene in fear of her powers.

But that never happened. All eyes were on her, but there was no fear. The circle was looking at them with respect, and Elsa didn't know why. Sure she remembered her lesson and how to control her powers so that she wouldn't hurt anyone, but still. Maybe they were more used to magic as they knew what life with the Spirits had been like, and since Elsa didn't hurt anyone there was nothing to be afraid of.

Yes, this was it, and this instinctive trust made Elsa's chest warm up with pride and joy.

Until Ámmon snorted. "Young ladies... Full of energy and uncontrolled emotions."

"If anyone has uncontrolled emotions, it's _you_." Maren spat.

"Watch your tongue, _pupil."_

_Pupil?_

And then he looked at Elsa. "Make sure Ahtohallan catches up with the changes, because to me it seems like she's still _living_ _in the past._ And we all know how the past years have been for Arendelle..."

He barely finished when Maren stepped in front of Elsa as if to shield her from the piercing words. "Don't you _dare_ threaten her!"

"Enough!" Yelena roared, joining them but jerking Maren back with equal irritation. "Ámmon, you are well aware that your title is the _one_ thing that stops me from _dismissing_ you _right away_. But you've played that card too many times and you tend to forget that _I'm_ the leader here! Do _not_ force me to make an exception!"

The wrinkled skin on Ámmon's face twitched but he replied lowly and steadily. "And my title is the one thing keeping me here."

_Title?_

He didn't say anything else during the conversation, but the tension he brought with himself didn't leave either.

It was just when Elsa noticed how Maren was trembling with fury beside her. Elsa has never seen her like that and she was sure it wasn't just because the girl was worried about her. So she decided not to care about the others watching, and wrapped an arm around Maren's middle as they settled back on the rock, stroking the area between her shoulder blades. The Northuldra mirrored her, the two of them saying to each other without forming words: _it's okay, I'm here._

Eret broke the heavy silence.

"We absolutely agree that she needs time and protection. But considering that the Beast had showed up in the Spirits' location, it might be dangerous for the village to have them stay here. I'm afraid I'm not that informed about the details of our defenses. So how can we protect everyone if it comes to that?"

Eret had a point, Elsa had to admit it despite her fear of actually having to leave the place she could finally call home.

"Honeymaren." Yelena turned to the girl, abruptly halting as she examined them.

 _She noticed something_ _,_ Elsa thought.

"As the future Head of Defense and someone who had seen this threat in the first place, what do you suggest?"

Elsa's eyes widened, but she felt rather relieved that she managed to calm Maren a few minutes ago, because she didn't know if the girl would've been able to speak if she hadn't.

So when Honeymaren straightened herself, Elsa couldn't help her discreet, bittersweet smile.

"Eret is right, the conflict is between Ahtohallan and the Spirits, including Elsa. But I am not sending away any of them."

People started murmuring once again, but they couldn't muffle Maren's firm voice as the girl once again stood up from her seat, significantly less annoyed but firm and confident.

"Listen to me!"

Silence.

"We've always believed Spirits to be invincible, immortal beings. But they aren't. Sure their soul will reincarnate in another body as they are eternal, but would _you_ let a fellow Northuldra - or anything - _die_ just like that? Without fighting for their lives? Carelessly, knowing their spirit will find another vessel anyways?"

The elders shook heads.

"Exactly. Spirits are indeed immortal, but _life_ has _value_. The Spirits may be Spirits, but they're the same living beings as us, their body and emotions equally vulnerable. I thought I was never going to see Gale again after that violent storm. Bruni had almost been destroyed by a single strike of the Beast's claws. I had seen an Earth Giant practically _shaking_ in dread as it had been trapped by that glowing ice."

She pointed at Elsa and her heart sped up as she listened to Maren in pure amazement. At that moment she just forgot her problems, feeling completely safe under her wise words.

"The Fifth Spirit - _Elsa -_ would've died if I hadn't been there and _I_ would've died if she hadn't saved me with the help of Bruni. I say we stay together, for the village is our most stable point and the Spirits need us just as we need them. We already know how to fight this Beast - if even there will be more of them - so we'll soon adapt a specific training for this case."

A series of coughing interrupted her but she seemed fine.

"Mind my sickness. So. I was born behind the Mist so I don't have the same knowledge as you, and for that I bow my head before you. But there is a stain in our history which was meant to show us something new about the Spirits and Ahtohallan and Nature - and everything we've known so far. Its price shall be payed by a hard recovery, and not only for ours, but Arendelle's, and the whole world's sake."

Her speech had such an impact that the circle remained silent for long minutes, but it wasn't heavy with tension like eariler. It was frozen with awe and respect, just like when they listened to Elsa.

"Any arguments?" Yelena asked, the proud glint in her eyes evident.

No one protested. Not even Ámmon, but that didn't necessarily mean he was fine with it.

Yelena nodded. "These young women see this case more efficiently than any of us could."

The circle agreed.

"Like I said earlier, you shall stay with the Fifth Spirit as her tutor. As the future Head of Defense, you'll be the best possible guidance for her, for you have a stable spiritual sense, and for someone at your age you own an advanced knowledge about our traditions, history, and geography."

No one protested, so this was a good sign.

" _Ámmon,_ present Head of Defense, do you agree?" Her tone was stern as ice.

His white eyes could pierce through a mountain as he nodded wordlessly.

" _Very well._ _"_ Yelena practically barked as she turned back to face Maren. "As the Fifth Spirit, Elsa is the only one who can understand Ahtohallan on a level we'll never be able to. So until she is ready to use her lessons to solve this mystery, your own trainings are cancelled."

Yelena didn't even spare a glance as she called Ámmon once again. "Until then, do your task and prepare for every possible danger. And the rest of you, inform the village but do not incite panic. Anything else to suggest?"

Silence.

_Wait._

So did this mean Maren was the soon-to-be leader of the Northuldra armies? And was this suspicious man her superior?

Gods, she wished Anna was here...

* * *

Elsa needed answers, and Yelena and Maren didn't even question her when she asked them to talk after the counselling.

"I know, child, I know." Yelena sighed sadly. "I am sorry for the stress I'd put you into. Ámmon... is a tough one. And we've got quite a history."

Elsa glanced at Maren. "The three of you I assume?"

The girl nodded. She hasn't said anything ever since her speech. She was clearly... shaken, and deep down it awfully scared Elsa.

"Look, I don't want to seem like I'm trying to avoid this, but this conflict is more like between Honeymaren and Ámmon. I'm just the one trying to defend a young, talented girl from an old-fashioned fool who unfortunately has valuable experience."

"I'm going to tell her, don't worry about that." Maren rasped out eventually. "But for now... out with your observations."

Yelena pursed her lips and nodded.

"Let us sit." She offered. "You've been told several times that you're the bridge between Human and Spirit, but have you really thought about it?"

"Elsa has actually spoken to her Mother." Honeymaren announced.

Yelena smiled and hummed. "Special one. Picking up a connection with our passed away beloved requires an uniquely deep spiritual sense. Right, Maren?"

The girl mirrored her smile.

"Since you're the Fifth Spirit herself, it might as well be evident, but anyways, this is why Maren is good for you. She's very special and Ámmon takes that as a bad omen. But we don't, do we?"

The girl now seemed... nervous. Was that yet again a blush blossoming on her cheeks like a lovely rose?

 _Wow, that is a way to observe a blush,_ Elsa thought and felt her cheeks burn as well.

Yelena let out an exasperated exhale, clapped once, and they both flinched. "Pay attention, girls. Alright, back to the bridge. So Elsa, you're a certain connection between us. But what if the middle of this bridge was destroyed?"

"There would be a hole and the connection is ruined."

"Exactly."

Elsa frowned. "Wait, do you think the problem is... me?"

Yelena and Maren shook heads.

"Of course not..." The girl began hesitantly and it earned a plafully suspicious glare from Elsa. "Well- um yes, but actually no. Gods- don't stare at me like that, it's like, super creepy." Elsa just made it worse, slightly leaning into the Northuldra's view, making her despair increase. "Oh my Spirits, this is not funny. Bad Elsa, stop it, I'm gonna have nightmares! Els-"

"Useless lesbians..." Yelena murmured under her breath but no one heard her. "Girls!" She exclaimed eventually.

She was done.

They cleared their throats and Maren quickly picked the line back up. "Look I don't keep reminding you about... something you're trying to hide for no reason."

Elsa pursed her lips and curled her them into a timid smile. "Is this the part when you tell me: only Ahtohallan knows?"

Maren chuckled.

"Technically, yes. However I don't think it's a good idea to actually go to Ahtohallan because all her power is centered there. It must be dangerous right now, especially for you or the other Spirits. This is why Maren will teach you how to connect to Ahtohallan's energy from here."

She sighed. "I may be the leader here, but even I've never owned such a strong energy as the two of you. I should be jealous... but you know, I'm just happy for you. Our legacy will be laid well in your hands."

There was something... strange in her tone. It wasn't necessarily something negative. It was just curious.

Maren blinked. "W-What do you mean?"

Yelena grinned and shook her head absent-mindedly. "Time will tell you, dear. Elsa, the point is that you must find a way to fix your spirit and I strongly believe your answer will be in the River." She explained.

"And... you'll might as well be surprised what - or who - you _actually_ need." The elder added with a suspicious smile.

Too much suspicion for Elsa's taste.

She was lucky to avert her gaze at that though, because thus she was spared from a heart attack as Yelena glanced at Maren beside her, winking. So staying in the soft fog of oblivion, Elsa was silent for a while to process everything.

They were right: she still had a hole in her soul. Something that didn't seem necessarily severe at the time, as Elsa had been more busy coping with the acceptance of herself with her powers, losses and her destiny. She was fine with being an independent woman surrounded by a weird but perfect family's love, but Maren and Yelena were yet again right: her youth hid so much beauty beyond that. So now there was _one last_ thing that lacked discovery.

And it was romance.

But what kind of romance? And with who? Elsa still didn't feel like it was normal to be attracted to women - both emotionally and physically. It was just not how things were supposed to be.   
And especially because now that she discovered how she felt, everything just... made sense. It shouldn't. She's never thought of men, not even now. But she should. Instead of her own gender.

Especially if that particular girl was her _female friend,_ Honeymaren, who now seemed to have a past just as dark as hers.


	10. Nattura

"He wasn't so hostile just because he had a bad day, was he?" Elsa asked while they were sitting on Maren's bed side by side later in that afternoon.

No answer. Despite her occasional Maren-like comments that she would drop every now and then to make Elsa laugh, the girl was definitely not in the mood ever since the counselling. Her posture was clearly suggesting she was not ready for this just yet - a pair of slumped shoulders letting her hands rest in her lap, bent legs parting carelessly, bangs providing shelter for the unusually broken expression of her face. Breathing deep and even, but clearly strained in order to keep it that way.

Elsa wanted to touch the girl but this time she decided not to - probably for once it was _space_ what Honeymaren needed, judged by the way she was slightly turned away from Elsa. 

"Here we go." She muttered eventually, her lips curling into a bittersweet smile. Then she finally turned to face Elsa. "First of all, I don't want you to think I wasn't going to tell you this about my life."

Elsa nodded. That was fine.

"You know... we're more alike than you'd ever believe - you and me. I uh-" She sighed and ran a hand through her hair, grabbing her hat along the way and throwing it away as if to just do literally anything to distract herself. "I don't know where to start..." She blurted out.

Elsa pursed her lips. "Would it be easier if I started with questions?" She asked and after a pause the Northuldra nodded. "Okay. Well... How come you're going to be the future leader? As far as I know Yelena isn't your mother so roles aren't given by bloodline I assume. Anyways, who are your parents?"

Honeymaren chuckled nervously. "Okay that was a dumb idea. You literally just rushed right into the middle of this deershit."

Elsa laughed at the choice of words. "So you might as well should start with the beginning?"

Maren bit her lips and Elsa gave her the time to think. She already seemed significantly less anxious which made Elsa sigh with relief when the girl finally gathered her thoughts and began talking, scooting just a bit closer. Her heart fluttered at the small gesture and right then, for once she was certain what she wanted: to make Maren open up just like she had made her _._

"Yes. I've been chosen to be the future Head of Defense. Do you know the Northuldra roles?"

Elsa shook her head. "Not entirely."

Maren stood up to get Iduna's shawl from the nearby table - in fact, they'd made a silent agreement on keeping up this sleepover thing. Or at least when Elsa had hastily left the Northuldra's lavvu in the morning, only to return with some of her belongings stuffed beneath her arms, all they did was share a timid smile. Elsa, however, had not even been the slightest bit sure whether that was a good idea as she should have been trying to _avoid_ those feelings of hers, instead of enhancing them by staying with Maren.

But yet again: it was worth the nerves even if her reward was no more than that lopsided smile.

That. Smile.

Honeymaren's lips curling upwards.

Honeymaren's lips parting slightly when she sleeps.

Honeymaren's lips kissing her cheek.

What _else_ could they do, Elsa tended to wonder before shame would get the better of her and she would purify her mind from those images. Still. Even just listening to the girl could earn the same fluttering effect in her fibers, so Elsa just sat and watched her, drinking in each movement and word.

Maren brought the shawl and settled back, yanking Elsa out of her thoughts.

"Here we go again, right?" The girl chuckled as she ran her fingers along the fabric, tracing the patterns.

"We just need a baby deer and a campfire." Elsa commented and they giggled warmly. "So, why need the pattern again?"

"The Northuldra governance is divided into four fields based on the four elements." Maren explained. "You may already heard of all. We can be either shamans, warriors, cultivators, or social units - each group includes several sub roles - and we've got one leader for each fields. The leaders swear their oaths for their own elements. Head of Nutrition stands for Water, for water gives life to everything. Head of Humanity stands for Earth, for justice and politics are mortal aspects, stuck to the material world. Head of Spirits has Air which is the opposite, for the spiritual world is something we can sense but not see."

The girl visibly gulped and Elsa already knew what the last role meant.

"And Fire goes for Ámmon." She finished.

Maren nodded, her expression somewhat grateful for Elsa's cool presence. "And finally, yes - Ámmon - as Head of Defense has sworn to Fire. Remember what I told you about fire?"

How could Elsa not? She still had goosebumps just replaying the scene in her head: sitting there so close with Maren, her hot breath on Elsa's neck lingering as she spoke in such a mesmerizing way...

 _Stop it,_ Elsa scolded herself.

"It has a personality." She blurted out, maybe too quick, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear timidly, her gaze averted from the girl for a brief moment.

"Yes. Well... ironically, Ámmon is _perfectly_ cut for his role. Or at least... he once was. He used to be someone you didn't want to mess with because everyone knew it was like playing with fire. And he had truly earned it, I know because our history is all right here within my head."

Elsa frowned and shivered as she imagined his white eyes glaring holes into anyone. "What went wrong then?"

"He doesn't dislike me for no reason." Maren sighed and added. "Even though that reason is stupid and generated by fear."

 _"Fear."_ Elsa echoed.

That word she knew too well and it actually made sense in this particular case. Her Grandfather's fear had caused a dark era in the lives of the Northuldra. They couldn't be blamed if some of them have lost faith in magic and thus mirrored his fear.

"Ámmon was no different from him." Elsa whispered.

"From who?"

"The one who had caused _him_ to be afraid. King Runeard."

"Oh..." Maren blurted out with a pause to think. "Are you sure you're okay talking about this?"

Elsa smiled and cocked her head sideways. "Are you sure you're not trying to avoid this conversation _yourself?"_

Maren chuckled like a kid who was caught being naughty. "Partly, but I thought you'd be touched."

"Look, I didn't know my grandfather... obviously. I was shocked but I've gotten through it well. But thanks for the worry."

The girl nodded.

"In fact you're right. My superior-" She halted and sighed, rubbing the back of her neck. "I should be calling him my _Master_. All the fellow seconds do in their own field. A-And I'd love to, but..."

"You look up at him, don't you?" Elsa stared at her with fascinated sympathy. "You can't help it because you struggle to prove yourself."

The girl flinched and glanced at her with a small gawk as if what she just said exposed a deep secret - it indeed did, actually -, but all Elsa could do was smile. It was obvious to her. At that gesture Maren looked away, mirroring the smile though.

" _Elsa_ , damn it, that was deep." She commented nervously. "Just lemme' finish up the story 'cause you wouldn't understand a thing."

Elsa laughed at the way her name was just said and nodded without a word.

"I know the story of your parents, right? Well, it's time I tell you the story of mine. Northuldra surnames are made of the father's. We are Ryder and Honeymaren of Nattura... our father."

She explained, but there was a sudden shift in her tone, something that indicated... sorrow? Maren always got excited when she talked about the Northuldra, or basically everything. And wait, how come Elsa hasn't met the Nattura parents?

The girl's demeanor fueled something in Elsa, a thought that hasn't occured to her yet, and for a moment it made her feel ashamed. It had nothing to do with good, obviously.

Honeymaren shrugged. "You might as well should see the memory for yourself but I don't think it would be a good idea to just go out. That place right now is definitely a source of danger."

Elsa furrowed her eyebrows, a bolt of worry shooting into the pit of her stomach. "What do your parents have to do with Ámmon? Does it involve Spirits?" She asked, afraid of the answer.

It wasn't quite a smart question though, because Elsa already started figuring things out: there was no way she couldn't have met Maren's parents by now, and suddenly there was a father-like man in the view, being chased after by the girl just to become appreciated. The context was there, the details were missing.

The Nattura twins were orphans. Just like her and Anna.

When they looked at each other, a silent conversation, Elsa knew Maren knew that she knew.

* * *

 _The Enchanted Forest,_ _twenty-six years ago_

The man held his wife to his right tightly as they stood their ground against the raging wind, staring right into the furious eyes of the Earth Giant. It had a tiny ball of fire on his shoulder bouncing around, and the river between them was a wavering mess as it held the form of a graceful yet stern stallion. All the elements, deadly and unpredictable, were here to hear them out - or to defend their land and wipe away the trespassers.

The man had dark brown eyes that glimmered with joy, whereas the woman's blue orbs held curious energy. Both had chestnut hair, but the flow of time has already started siphoning their vibrant colour, leaving clean white locks in their wake here and there.

He watched them from afar while he was hiding behind a rock, clutching his hat so that the wind - or the Air Spirit - wouldn't blow it away. He narrowed his white eyes, not because his dark locks were violently wiggling in his view, but because he was _furiously calm._

This was wrong. Very, very wrong. Those fools were going to die out there but he didn't care anymore. He had tried to stop them. He really had.

_"You don't understand this, Ámmon." The woman had hissed at him._

_"How couldn't I?" He yelled. "I don't have children either but I wouldn't throw my life away to have one!"_

_"Exactly." The man cut in and shared a longing glance with his wife. "We would."_

_The already tense air now froze for a moment as he saw the intense look they exchanged. They couldn't possibly mean that... could they? Either way, it made his helpless anger burst._

_"You!" He roared, rising his index finger threateningly. "You are going to ruin everything that remained if you just stand in front of the Spirits, asking for a life to be made!" He paused to sweep his hair aback, inhaling unevenly. "The Spirits are still angry at us and they've become unpredictable savages. I can't let you risk the whole tribe's safety."_

_It was the man's turn to express his building fury - something barely a few ones have ever seen him doing._

_"How dare you call them savages?! They are the center of our religion, our culture, our whole life! Your fight with Arendelle and the appearance of the Mist had nothing to do with us and you know that! Me and my wife have always - always - lived cleanly and harmoniously and the Spirits will see this!"_

_"Darling please, calm down." She hushed him by placing a pleading hand on his chest, letting his arms wrap around her waist. They never broke away from those piercing white eyes_ _, as if their gazes were molded into one. Nattura sighed but what he said then seemed even more deadly with his tone becoming low and even._

_"Just because we're the people of the Sun doesn't mean all of us are good. Your own words are turning against you."_

_And then Ámmon_ _knew they couldn't be stopped even by the council._

However, that didn't mean he just let them offend the rules without consequences.

"Right? No one can command the Nattura family." He murmured under his breath irritatedly whilst he crouched and watched.

The couple scooted closer to each other as the Earth Giant bent down to have a closer look at them. The Fire Spirit bounced onto his nose and sent out an intimidating flame that died just before it could lick them. They winced at the action and stumbled a step back, holding onto each other with an ever reassuring force, a token of natural boundary. And they stood their ground, representing love and determination on such a strong, invincible level that even Ámmon couldn't deny.

They were indeed strong, he was well aware of it. But this was still reckless.

Nattura looked at his wife and kissed her on the forehead before he let her go and stepped forward, barely a metre from the river - one wrong move and he would be its victim. However, every ounce of worry had disappeared on him. He just stood there with kind, tender ease and slighty bowed before the Spirits, a small, trusting smile stretching his face. The Water Spirit beside the Giant grunted and stomped with frustration, splashing some water at the man.

He didn't mind, in fact he chuckled and rubbed it from his face.

"Thank you, the cool helped a lot."

His bizarre reaction surprised everyone - except his wife, who was just watching the scene proudly. The Air Spirit immediately made the wind die down and appeared in the form of some swirling leaves and the Earth Giant raised a vast eyebrow. The overcharged Fire Spirit halted, and the surface of the river under the Water Spirit's hoofs evened out.

The whole environment paused to admire Nattura and the silence just encouraged him to start talking.

"Spirits of the Enchanted Forest, guardians of our world! I come with peace and what I am going to say will entirely succumb to your judgement. We've known each other for long. Will you listen to me?"

The four Spirits exchanged a look, still seeming astonished and suspicious. The appearance of the Mist, the presence of the Arendellian soldiers and the death of their leaders have sent the Northuldra to the ground with such force that the chaos was still present even after these years. Ámmon wasn't the only one who have lost their spiritual connection with the world as Arendelle and everything that had happened, has planted a seed of doubt that spread like a plague.

The Northuldra were lost in their own land.

That was the reason why Nattura's behaviour seemed out of the ordinary. In a good way, of course, but processing it was still hard for the Spirits. It wasn't like they didn't like him and his wife - Nattura was a simple man, one of the tribe's spiritual circle, so they could trust him.

They were just so used to their own helpless anger towards this anarchy that these stupid humans had caused.

But then each of them nodded.

"Thank you, my old friends." Nattura smiled widely and bowed once again, taking a deep breath as he gathered his thoughts.

Despite all the irritation he felt, Ámmon's gut twitched at the way the man's expression turned into sorrow. He knew what came next and as a fellow male, he couldn't help but give space for an ounce of sympathy.

"My wife is almost certainly... infertile. Unable to bear children." Nattura dropped his head, defeated, and gestured at the mentioned woman behind him.

She walked over to them, but she didn't seem _sad_ like her husband. She looked _ashamed_.

Then she peeled up her tunic to show her stomach.

There was a nasty scar somewhere around her womb. It had completely healed but still looked terrifyingly misshapen and torn.

"She got it during the fight with Arendelle. I didn't attack, I just defended myself. Only I came late to defend _her."_

"I could've-" The woman blurted out guiltily. "I- I'm so sorry..."

Nattura pulled back her tunic and welcomed her with a tight embrace. "We've talked about this. It's not your fault."

They needed a few moments to calm down before the man went on.

"We're begging for your help, not sure if you can, nor if you even want to. But... we would give up everything if there was a chance that she could be healed by the power of Nature. Our future is fragile, our nation is shattered, and we deserve your disavowal. But you know _us_ and I hope you believe we didn't intend any of this."

He took off his hat to brush through his hair, the pink light of the Fire Spirit's flames illuminating those few silver locks.

"We're ageing. Perhaps we won't be able to fix what we caused, but our children will make this world a better place. They will solve this mystery so that you'll no longer have to suffer from your rage."

He trailed off for a moment.

"I just hope they will forgive us for the problems that we selfishly pass on to them." He whispered.

There was nothing else to say. Their request was now the Spirits' to decide.

* * *

Elsa wasn't even trying to hide her tears.

"...well, their decision is obvious?" Maren chuckled sheepishly and added playfully. "Dad would joke 'bout it like, his speech was so cool that the Spirits instantly gave them _two_ of us instead of just one."

Their laughter was like a deep breath after this heart-wrenching beginning.

"So yeah, the Spirits agreed and Nature healed Mom in exchange of... their energy I guess - it's hard to comprehend what Nature had actually done to them. No one has ever understood it completely but that didn't really matter either, because they were already almost out of age so our birth was a miracle in every way."

Elsa knew this was a place for a 'but'.

"But after that their bodies were ageing far more rapidly than the others, and... a-and they passed away really soon. Together."

"How old were you?" Elsa whispered.

"Twelve." Maren sighed but Elsa felt relieved when she gave her a small smile though.

"But they were the best parents and they had an impact greater than you could ever imagine. They used to tell us we were going to do brave things. Neither of us understood them at the time but now that I do, I feel like they had been wrong. I mean, how could've we achieved what we have now if the Northuldra had been ripped apart?"

Elsa frowned. "What do you mean by that?"

As the tension eased between them, their positions changed. Honeymaren had moved to the fur-covered floor so that she was sitting with her side leaning against the bed. As the furniture was quite low the most of her upper body was splashed upon the bed lazily, making her look well... just _Maren._ The girl let Elsa lay on the rest of the bed so they were facing each other. Elsa liked it - just being there and still getting to know her friend.

"Their faith statued an example, and made the Northuldra regain their connection with Nature. That is where they had become close with Yelena and this is why she had picked me and Ryder up after their death."

Maren stood up and walked to the fireplace - the light coming from the top of the lavvu had been going dim as another evening approached in the Enchanted Forest. Whilst she was building the fire, she continued.

"Of course that wasn't enough for redemption for the real key was you as the Fifth Spirit, but things were getting so much better." She shrugged. "Or at least that's what legends told."

Elsa understood it. There was only one piece missing and Maren had been annoyingly careful not to mention it just yet.

"But Ámmon saw them, didn't he." She announced, sitting up.

That was it. The girl winced.

Silence. Only the rapid clicking of the flint and then the smooth crackling of the fire.

Then Honeymaren just sat there staring into it as it grew into greater flames. Her eyes that usually seemed completely dark now were illuminated by its light, picking up the shade of _honey._

"How did you know?" She asked.

Elsa shrugged. "I just figured. Hey, we can stop for now if you wan-"

"He thought it was reckless and went after them. Even after what happened he couldn't forgive their disobedience and he's never really forgiven the Spirits either. That's why he hates me and Ryder."

"Then why would you become his second?"

Maren laughed. "Because I foolishly wanna prove myself and they chose me basically against his will, I thought you already knew that."

She stood up and offered a hand to Elsa. "C'mon I'm hungry. Let's avoid my problems for now and help yours. There's some talkin' with mother you gotta do soon."

Elsa wanted to protest - she didn't think they were finished. But seeing the tiredness in Maren's eyes just made her realize that today was fairly fair enough. For both of them.  
  



	11. Spine of the World

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYYSS!  
> I've gotten some incredibly sweet comments these days. I'm so thankful! <3   
> I've been reallllyy busy though, that's why this chapter was so delayed. Who would think I had more stuff to do while stuck in quarantine? :D   
> Anyways, this ship will soon sail my friends. Plot coming too, blep.  
> STAY SAFE! Read this chapter instead of leaving quarantine and getting cOroNaViRuS. :P   
> #worstselfadvertisingever

Routines and changes.

The two should expel each other, right?

Routine is something that doesn't really change. Change is something too unpredictable to be called a routine.

Yet Elsa had plenty of both these days while despite all the things that _changed,_ everything fell into a kind of a _routine._ Which her former queen-self really appreciated.

She's never been a lazy person so she couldn't just live there doing nothing useful than just being the Fifth Spirit. So she decided to begin socializing and thus learned a lot more about the Northuldra. Yelena would accompany her during each visit in the four sections Honeymaren had described and each section, each new information would mean a single change in Elsa's life. Under any other circumstances she would have been afraid of changes, but these particular ones she didn't mind.

Calling this new place home was her choice after all.

So first she visits the spiritual region of the village, the people sworn to Air who were lead by a woman. The Head of Spirits grins when she spots Elsa and Yelena entering the spacious field where she had probably been in the middle of meditation.

"What a pleasure to see you two! I _sensed_ your arrival. C'mon Elsa, let us show you around."

So this was where the healer's lavvu stood, along with an individual storage building for first aid supplies, and a round field surrounded by balanced rocks and sharp, but deliciously smelling incense. The field was an open place for everyone, used for seeking spiritual guidance, holding rituals and meditating.

The shamans here had the most similar tasks to do, like healing or maintaining midwifery and spiritual health. This also included leading feasts and important rituals, as well as addressing history, legends and mythology.

They reminded Elsa of those monks in the monasteries of the kingdom - most of the books she used to read were written and copied by them. 

But what caught Elsa's attention most, was an altar. It looked similar to what they had back in the churches of Arendelle but it didn't seem to have such religious purposes.

"What's that?" Elsa asked, pointing a finger at it.

The Head of Spirits chuckled. "Smart girl. The Shrine of Nature was the last thing I wanted to show you - and guess what, it's time. Foll-"

"The baby!" The unusually high, excited voice of a nurse boomed into the tranquillity of the place as he sprinted towards them, barely able to catch his breath. "Hurry up, Kirste is about to give birth!"

One eye of the woman brightened up with equal thrill, whereas the other glimmered in disappointment.

"Prepare a lavvu for the delivery. I'll be there." Then she turned back to Elsa, pointing briefly at the altar. "I would've been pleased to introduce you into this myself, but duty is calling so I'll leave this part to Yelena. May we meet again, Fifth Spirit."

And then she was off.

"Under the hand of this crazy woman, every child comes to this world with a smile." Yelena said with an amused grunt before they arrived to the altar.

Below the open leather tent there was a great wooden orb. Its surface looked rough, but the uneven shapes weren't just the knots of the raw wood. No, they formed _mountains_ and the rest of the carvings slowly revealed the borders between ground and sea - a map. It wasn't completed though, there was still plenty of blank space on the orb that even Queen Elsa didn't know.

"The Northuldra hasn't always been settled in the Enchanted Forest." The elder began, running a finger along the arc of the artwork, her movement tracing a certain invisible path she must've known by instinct.

"We used to be nomads. Walking the Earth and noting everything we see. This is how our ancestors found their connection with magic and thus with Nature. Our curiosity is endless and unconditional."

"What made you stay here?" Elsa asked, finally looking away from the unfinished map. "You haven't discovered the whole World yet."

Yelena flashed a toothy grin and nodded. "Indeed. But we already know how it is built up."

Before Elsa could react, the woman pushed the top of the orb, flipping a disk right in the middle. The other side of the disk had its surface made out of round glass, and as the light through the thin leather tent hit it, it shattered into colourful beams filling the whole altar.

Elsa's jaw dropped. It reminded her of the morning she'd awoken with Maren under the makeshift ice hut, but for now she suppressed the butterflies in her stomach.

"This is Nature, Spine of the World." Yelena announced with her arms stretched widely. "He's the master of life and death, the mover of all matter and being. But he's not working alone, Elsa, and this is very important to understand. Everything that happens in our world is the doing of a complex cosmic system."

"Ahtohallan." Elsa whispered, the cog wheels inside her head already twisting and turning.

Yelena chuckled and pushed back the disk, the shattered rainbow around them disappearing.

"Easy, dear. Let's eat something, it's been a long day." She looked around carefully and pulled against Elsa with hilarious suspicion. "Since your sister had given me her last bars of _chocolate_ before she left, I've been craving that devilish sweet when it comes to good stories. If you tell anyone, you'll suffer."

A moment later she was back to that strict, wise leader, leaving an astonished Elsa biting back the laughter.

Elsa was ushered back to the center of the village, they had a quick dinner and then as she promised, Yelena took a stick and began drawing into the ground as she spoke.

"Like I said, everything is driven by Nature. The Elemental Spirits - the Nokk, Bruni, the Giants and Gale - are the only visible manifestations of it. We call them the Ambassadors of Nature."

The big circle with the four points were added a question mark.

"This is all we've known for sure. But now that the legends were proven, our knowledge is much more widened."

She drew a smaller circle into the bigger, right next to the four points.

"Ahtohallan. Keeper of Memories - including Nature's."

And then she drew the _fifth_ point, this time into the small circle.

"Fifth Spirit. Guardian of Ahtohallan and the Bridge." Yelena paused. "I must warn you, Elsa: you've still got a lot on your shoulders, but I can promise you're not alone to bear it."

She connected the fifth point with the bigger circle.

"We're certain that the Mist and the freezing of Ahtohallan was a defense mechanism of Nature, which you were-"

"-the key for." Elsa finished. "I'm not just the Guardian of Ahtohallan. I'm the Guardian of Nature, am I right?"

Even though her throat tightened at the realization, somehow Elsa wasn't that surprised.

Yelena watched her for a few moments but before she could continue, Elsa spoke again.

"But what's the problem then? I've freed Ahtohallan and she... I suppose she recognized me. I- I can feel my powers entering into a new level, as if they had been blocked the whole time before Ahtohallan. It is hard to even contain. I just-"

Yelena grabbed her hand. "Calm down, dear. Ahtohallan is just fine. The one who doesn't recognize you is probably Nature. I think he still feels like he's in danger."

"Why?"

"I don't know yet but that won't stay this way for long. Let's move on for now."

Yelena then added another circle, a point, and a question mark.

"Our World, Humans, and..." She paused for a moment to look at Elsa. "Has Maren told you about-"

"Yes. What about the twins?" She asked maybe too quickly.

"Ever since their birth we've tried to figure out this certain... _aura_ they have. They don't own magical powers but they're surely not ordinary."

"What do you mean?"

Yelena was silently thinking for a moment and hummed. "They are incredibly smart and well-connected to Nature. Ryder may be naive in his own way but he has an eye for people."

Elsa nodded and smiled. "Certainly. As it turned out he had helped my brother-in-law propose to Anna."

Yelena shuddered, shutting her eyes with her fingers pinching the bridge of her nose.

"Don't remind me. That poor boy had accidentally proposed _to me_ that day _._ "

Elsa's eyes widened but yet again she saw it was not a good idea to laugh at the very leader of the Northuldra, so she just let out a discreet giggle.

"Anyways-" Yelena went on. "Ryder and her sister are very different in means of fulfilling roles. They both love getting into trouble which makes their bond even stronger, but I can feel how their ways will eventually part."

Then... there was a strange silence. Elsa knew it was time to talk about _her_ but Yelena seemed just as hesitant.

But then she just smiled.

" _She_ is good for you, Elsa and she needs you too. I don't think I have to say any more about her."

And the elder stands up, leaving a more than just shocked Fifth Spirit alone with her thoughts.

* * *

No surprise. _Honeymaren_ was another entire story.

Elsa could relatively easily handle the burdens on her shoulder. The things that lay in her _heart_ , however, were sometimes impossible to handle without the extreme need to keep her desperate magic at bay.

So a major change in Elsa's life was the way she slowly molded into the Northuldra, and despite all the uncertainty the tribe had to face due to things being out of shape, everything in the Enchanted Forest went just fine. People were naturally disciplined and positive.

For changes to come by, a routine must be broken. And for a new, _better_ routine to form, there are changes needed.

Routines and changes...

Oh yes, there was definitely a routine between Elsa and Honeymaren.

They would never skip a day's... session. Elsa would spend the day either with the girl or exploring each faction with Yelena, and then in the evening they would sit together and talk.

Usually they catch up with the day's lesson, making conclusions and getting one step closer to the key of that mess waiting outside.

Sometimes they just fool around as if nothing else mattered than just the two of them. _Fun_.

Sometimes they just... talk. About anything, really. Personal matters like ups and downs, or just a simple day's little things. Still - getting to know one and other. _Origins_.

And often they would just sit in silence and meditate. _Breathing techniques._

This routine seems just fine, right?

Well, not for Elsa, at least not entirely. Because when the two girls - _female friends -_ go to bed, this routine just doesn't seem the same anymore.

It was more... but not enough.

The first few days are a little weird as Maren is still ill, but by the time she regains her strength, these occasions just turn into something... fascinating. That longing for warmth in Elsa is slowly fulfilled, and completely vanishes. They would cuddle and fool around a little before they agree on finally sleeping which is totally fine. Their so-called tune fight has evolved as well. 

What still didn't make sense, however, was everything else that was normally considered... inappropriate between friends.

The way their bodies fit like a puzzle - face buried into hair, fingers clasped together, skins lightly brushing as they subconsciously caress each other.

Goose bumps. Barely audible, content sighs. Sweet ringing of happy giggles.

And the _kisses_. Not on the lips like lovers do, but still.

It's Elsa's fault because each time Maren would do something new, she would be given permission since the Northuldra never does anything without making sure it is okay. And yet again, it's Elsa's fault, because despite all the initial frustration, these gestures were something she could get _way too_ used to.

So before she knew, the small touches and kisses were returned, and even if Honeymaren doesn't mean it romantically, Elsa is well aware she's come to see these occasions in another way, whether she liked it or not _._

And it couldn't stay this way.

But boy, if only Elsa could guess _which part_ couldn't... The way she felt or the way she kept it a secret?

It was all because of that stupid dream. Women do not kiss women. End of story.

But boy, if only Elsa didn't want that story to end like that...

She wanted that dream to be real and she wanted it to be with that magnificent woman next to her. Even if it might as well wasn't normal.

Either way, Elsa tries to wrap her head around it as she goes on with each day, debating between the possibilities and two familiar tunes returning into her ears every now and then:

_Conceal, don't feel, put on a show._

Or...

_How do I follow you - into the unknown?_

Thoroughness, thoroughness.

* * *

Next came the faction that she knew _well enough_ \- Head of Humanity _._

Politics.

Economy.

Judicature.

Everything that used to burden her as Queen of Arendelle, and everything that had just been passed to her sister. Still, there was never a day Elsa didn't think of Anna and learning the Northuldra ways just continuously kept reminding her of what exactly she had left to her sister. Sure the two sisters had already exchanged a few letters with the help of Gale during these few weeks, but those conversations weren't that deep - how could they be? It was never the same as sitting together and talk.

Elsa needed to visit her soon, she could feel it.

However, there seemed to be too much danger in doing so. Ámmon hadn't refused his orders and reinforced the tribe's defenses, but the scouts' reports would tell about strange shadows lurking near the village.

Not even shadows but the opposite: _lights._

Piercing, radiant blue lights that had no source to be seen, just the shadows that they casted through the woods and the chill that their beams brought, making everything in their wake gleam in that ice, and melting it away as soon as the light went along.

According to Maren, the Northuldra scouts never had a tendency to exaggerate, but one day the girl goes out with the scouts to see it for herself.

When Elsa asks why, she just smiles shyly and says with a shrug.

"Gotta make sure you're safe, Snowflake." Then she pats Elsa on the shoulder, her timid demeanor nowhere to be seen, and adds. "Go on, Head of Humanity waits for ya."

But Elsa is more busy focusing on _not_ letting the ground below them become covered in ice.

The Northuldra laws were hardly different from Arendelle, though the social network didn't resemble at all since there were significantly less people to feed, and money made no existence. From the very beginning and due to the decades of isolation, the Northuldra has always been self-sufficient. Not like Arendelle hasn't become stronger in this matter under Elsa's leadership, but still, the way these people lived just fascinated her and made her realize she's never been the _best_ for the kingdom.

It was Anna - energetic, smart, and fast.

Elsa has never been able to make quick decisions, she was obsessed with details and thoroughness, measuring chances and possibilities often without the actual need. Anna was naturally better at making the best possible choices in a matter of seconds, and in the rapid world of Arendelle this was exactly what the people needed.

Elsa wasn't sure whether she even wanted the Northuldra to regain their economic contact with Arendelle, for it didn't seem to be the greatest reason why the two nations needed each other.

And honestly, it didn't even feel like her own thing to worry about anymore - she was no longer _Queen_ , she was the _Guardian of Nature._

Nevertheless, the day she visits the people of Earth, Elsa gets one step closer to understanding the possible conflicts between the kingdom and the tribe.

Thoroughness, thoroughness...

Routines and changes...

* * *

Then she learns from the cultivators under the leadership of Head of Nutrition. The people sworn to Water. They provide food for the tribe, they're responsible for the reindeer herds, and just like the rest of the sections, they produce their own equipment for everything.

As Ryder has chosen to work in this field, he gladly shows her around instead of Yelena, and it is a great opportunity for Elsa to get to know him. She's always been curious about Maren's brother, based on the conversation she'd had with Yelena and the way Maren keeps talking about him.

Plus, there were still plenty of question marks around the Nattura family that kept up Elsa's worry for the twins. Of course she didn't want to use the boy as a subject to interrogate smoothly, but she hoped they could bring their conversation to the required depth.

First he introduces Elsa to Head of Nutrition, but the meeting just... doesn't last long. Ryder's tongue is literally dancing as his words persuade the poor man to practically leave them alone without even realizing how badly he had been mind tricked.

When Elsa's confused gaze follows the man running away and lands back on Ryder, he just shrugs smugly.

"How could you do that?" Elsa asks with a momentary blatant amazement. "You literally just made him go back home to check on his..."

"...fireplace, yes..." Ryder finished without pulling a muscle, making Elsa's confusion grow.

"...because you... saw him leaving his tea on fire, whereas he doesn't even like tea..."

"...but made him imagine if his sleepwalking self might as well actually _did_ and now his lavvu might be all on..."

He gestures at an uncertain Elsa to finish the theory.

"...fire?" She rather asks.

Ryder watches her in silence as he slowly claps her.

"Yep. That's what I did in order to get my time alone with the mysterious Fifth Spirit whom my increasingly annoying sister keeps talking about with her lovestruck eyes literally in the shape of hearts." He says eventually with a single long breath.

Elsa's eyes widen and this time she can't stop the pool of ice around her feet. But before she could do or say anything, Ryder pats her on the shoulder and laughs hardly.

"You should've seen your face! Easy girl, just kiddin' around. But anyways, she _does_ talk about you."

"Okay, I think this was the weirdest conversation I've ever had in my life." Elsa muttered.

_Why is that so relieving and disappointing and terrifying and thrilling at the same fucking time?_

She wonders while she makes an attempt to stretch her lips into a smile. According to the way Maren kept mocking her rare moments of swearing, Elsa wouldn't even have been surprised if the said girl had jumped at her from behind, teasing her about the way her thoughts were screaming her crime.

Yelena hadn't lied though - Ryder's naivety bought her imitated innocence in a blink of an eye, and the topic was dropped.

Or at that moment to be more specific, it _would_ have been dropped if Elsa hadn't realized something extremely important. She didn't even know how it was possible for this fact to avoid her attention so far.

How Honeymaren dealt with all the 'not-exactly-between-friends' stuff.

How Ryder just joked about his sister having a... _crush_ on Elsa?

_Was that how Anna called it sometimes? Yes, definitely._

The point though was how the Nattura twins acted _naturally_ about it _._ Why would Maren even ask for permission to peck Elsa on the cheek if a same gender relationship wasn't even something to be considered? Why would Ryder pull a joke so weird with such ease?

_Unless they were well aware of this... tendency._

Yes, that was it.

The Northuldra probably approved of girls desiring girls. Or... boys desiring boys? Both?

Elsa's head was spinning but luckily for her, Ryder wrapped a friendly arm around her shoulder, ready to usher her to the reindeer ranch. Then, however, they heard a familiar _swoosh_ and felt the light leaves of Gale excitingly brush against them before something was tossed into Elsa's hand by the cheeky Spirit.

A letter, but not any kind - folded into a _bird_. There was only one person who did that...

"Anna!" Elsa exclaimed and hugged the piece of paper tightly to herself, feeling the back of her eyes burning with tears of joy. "I miss you so much." She whispered absentmindedly and glanced up at Gale as if silently saying thanks.

Ryder sighed with a bittersweet smile. "You always get so delighted when you two exchange letters. Go on, read it, I'll be with the deers."

Elsa nodded gratefully, barely being able to contain herself. She walked to a tree to sit near it and folded out the paper, so thrilled she almost tore it. The letter was surprisingly long... even from Anna.

_"Dear Elsa,_

_It's a little weird to write this because I've never needed to express my problems to you in written words. Surprise blown - things are getting hectic here."  
_

Elsa's stomach tightened at that, but it wasn't something she didn't expect at all. _  
_

_"I don't know where to start. But first of all... I'll finally become Queen! I mean I already am, or at least I'm trying to be or something like that but now like, you know, officially. I'd really love to have you near me when they put that thing on my head because otherwise I'll freak out. Yet again this is SO weird cause' of course you'd come, right?"_

"Of course I would, silly." Elsa whispered with a giggle. _  
_

_"Oh my... babbling again. I just still didn't get used to you not being here._

_But anyways. I've got something more important to ask you about. I've successfully handled everything so far, but this is something I... I just need your help Elsa, okay? You'd never guess it, so don't try."  
_

Then the blood ran out of Elsa's face.

_"Two women stood before me today, asking for their Queen's help. They say they're in... love. And that they want to marry each other."_


	12. I seek the truth

_"Two women stood before me today, asking for their Queen's help. They say they're in... love. And that they want to marry each other."_

Her first reaction was shock. Utter, raw, mind-paralyzing shock stopping her whole body, only for a moment later to tug at her eyelids to shut down so tightly she saw stars. Elsa didn't want to read another word.

Her second reaction was to stand up, crumbling the paper so that there was no chance for another single letter to be seen when she opens her eyes. Her heart was aching from treating the handwriting of her beloved sister with such rudeness but her instincts were telling her to _run._

Far away, just like she had done so many times. Running away from her title, her destiny, Anna... and now yet again from her heart.

_How original._

Her feet didn't stop until she arrived into a small hall used to store hay. Elsa sighed, her tired lungs only then realizing their primal need to pump the air in and out heavily. She dropped into the pile, the dry, spiky pieces piercing her skin lightly which in fact, she didn't mind. Elsa had never owned masochistic tendencies - albeit the years of depression could easily have brought her to that point -, but right then that subtle physical pain made her numb senses come back to life.

 _B_ _reathe_ _,_ she told herself.

In. Out.

Here she was, running away from a single stupid letter. Was she really going to go down _that_ path once again? _No._

In. Out.

Why did she even come here? Ryder might be worried about her. _Childish._

In. Out.

_Who are you?_

Queen Elsa of Arendelle, the First of Her Name, The Unfrozen, Fifth Spirit of The Enchanted Forest, Lifter of The Mist, Mistress of Ice, High-heeled Constructor of Ice Castles, Mother of Olaf and Marshmallow, Sneezer of Tiny Snowmen - as Honeymaren would say. Elsa chuckled to herself at the memory.

In... Out...

_Now honestly, who are you?_

A woman who's attracted to women. _Abnormally different._

Where was her mother when Elsa needed her the most? _Oh, don't pretend you don't know._

In...

Out...

Her parents must've been ashamed - their bloodline was cut short with her, how could they not be? Sure Anna was going to have children with Kristoff, but the firstborn was Elsa. It was her responsibility.

People were probably all out on the fields or shepherding deers on the steppes. It was the period of the year's last harvest before winter would come and coat everything with thick snow. She was grateful for the little privacy of the empty hall, because as much as she appreciated those good intentions these people treated her with, she was sick of the worried faces. She could do this, she was a grown woman.

In... Out... _Let the steadiness of your breathing anchor you._

"Say something." She whimpered quietly, but she couldn't feel Iduna's presence. Elsa couldn't help the rest... recalling those tunes she had shared with Anna on the day they'd found their parents' boat, seemed to be the only thing that helped.

_"Mother I am fighting through the way,_   
_Through an invincible ice to find you..."_

She sang weakly, remembering that glowing, deadly material.

_"...Mother, I am lost_   
_Mother, I am scared_   
_Mother, I don't know what to do!_   
_What are you thinking of me?_   
_Must've seen the difference in my actions,_   
_Must've known I'd find out someday..."_

Eventually she revealed the crumpled piece of paper to herself, watching it as she was thinking about those women in Arendelle, completely understanding what they've been through. Respecting their incredible bravery.

_"...I feel desire surging through me, every minute,_   
_Like a horse that's gone wild..._   
_Mother, you were here_   
_Mother, you are gone_   
_And you left behind a scared child!"_

But did that mean Elsa should be scared forever?

 _"...Can't sit around and cry,_  
 _There's too much to lose_  
 _And I think that I was born with this feeling for a reason_ _:_  
 _And I need to know why!"_

And with that voice of hers getting stronger with each tune, she stood up and kept pouring her voice into the empty hall.

_"...I seek the truth!_   
_What are you telling me?_   
_I'm ready to hear._   
_Can't go forward this way_   
_With questions growing day by day._   
_I seek the truth!_   
_I know you're watching every step that I take._   
_I need to know if I'm right_   
_To know if I am wrong inside..."_

Although her lines weren't answered after all, Elsa knew Mother felt it. She must have. So she took a deep breath, glancing at the letter in her grip, and came to a decision: she wasn't going to finish it until she spoke to _someone_.

She needed to know if this was okay before she was going to face Anna with it. She needed to speak with the woman who had caused it all.

* * *

Ryder was a walking ball of amusement. Elsa was dead sure he could even make a piece of grass grow a mouth and burst out with laughter. She's met many people in her life, which in fact was ironically funny as she had been isolated for so many years.

There were many people like Ryder, but there was no one else like Ryder - many people have tried to win her delight, but were driven by ulterior motives or didn't even have a sense of humour. And humour itself in Elsa's interpretation was a little different from usual, as she tended to take everything seriously, thus being someone ridiculously hard to make laugh at a jest. Ryder on the other hand, knew just the right things to say right then, and it wasn't forced but genuine.

"Everything okay?" He began when Elsa returned to him. "You look like you've seen a ghost but it was _you_ who eventually scared it away."

He gestured over Elsa, meaning her blonde hair, pale skin and white ice dress. Indeed, she looked like a ghost whenever she stepped into the brightest daylight, which was actually happening right now. The reindeer ranches were situated near the edge of the forest, so that now they were standing in the newfound grassland which used to be hidden by the Mist, now filled with happy deers and free shepherds.

Thanks goodness Maren had helped her improve her sense for sarcasm.

"What makes you think I'm not a ghost myself?" She retorted playfully, but when Ryder shrugged and launched himself at her with a triumphant bark, Elsa yelped and was barely able to dodge.

The boy snickered. "See? I should be able to run through a ghost. Haven't you been told not to lie?"

Instead of letting herself join Ryder's laughter, Elsa chuckled timidly - old habits die hard.

"Nah, but anyways. Is everything alright in Arendelle?" He asked when the joke died down.

Elsa eventually just nodded - after all, despite her personal issues and the natural anxiety Anna had expressed in the letter, she seemed just fine.

"Splendid! C'mon then, I guess you already know this place. We have a more important to-do-list." He smirked and grabbed Elsa's wrist, pulling her to the side where two reindeers were already settled. They both had a slightly lighter coloured fur, but one of them was almost completely white. They were watching Elsa and Ryder quizzically as they arrived.

Elsa's eyes widened though when she recognized the white deer - her saddle to be more specific. She would notice those reindeer doodles everywhere.

She had no idea how, but _Niná_ seemed to recognize her, too. She examined Elsa head-to-toe and then trotted to her, an uncertain but kind grunt leaving her throat. Elsa instinctively reached out to pet her head, her surprise turning into affection.

"Looks like you two already know each other." Ryder assumed, swapping gazes between them.

Elsa chuckled, her hands now running along Niná's antlers. "Well, we haven't actually met yet, but Maren talks about her a lot."

"And _she_ says I'm obsessed with deers." Ryder snorted playfully and leaned against Niná. "So yes, I'm Niná but you already know that." He imitated her in a higher pitched voice.

Niná rolled her eyes at the boy with a slight smile and nudged the other deer who had already joined them. Ryder murmured a quick apologize and continued.

"And I'm her brother Riná, Ryder's best friend, right buddy?"

He winked at his deer. "Yes bud, that's right!"

Elsa couldn't help but giggle as she watched the scene, the thought of how much she missed that dork Kristoff as well hitting her at once.

"Nice to meet you guys." She grinned, scratching the chin of Riná as well. "Have the four of you grown up together?"

Each of them nodded proudly, but then Ryder straightened up and cleared his throat.

"But this is not the time for stories milady. You shall pass _the ritual._ "

Elsa looked at him in confusion. "Um, haven't we had some kind of ritual back then?"

"You mean the 'standing in circles and chanting the ancient Northern hymn' ritual?" He paused to shoot her an exaggerated look. "Elsa, please. I have a saying: _all the best stuff in life involve reindeers."_

"Which means?"

Ryder's goofy smile softened and what he said next just immediately made Elsa understand.

"Which means you gonna' pass our special Nattura-ritual. I created it with Maren as a surprise for our parents long long ago. Of course it has changed meaning over the course of years, but it's still just as important for us like before. You and Anna and everyone - you're not just Northuldra, you're also family now. I uh- I mean... if you want to be."

As much as it sounded somewhat unrealistic to have another family besides the rest in Arendelle, Elsa had no doubt she wanted to be a part of this too. One thing time has truly taught her was the meaning of family: sure blood is the strongest bound between people, but the second place is taken by love. People didn't need to strictly define their relationships, nor did they need to be bonded by blood to be called a family - because it was a feeling. What's more, they all needed each other. And after all, they could become _one big family._

So she nodded and any regrets that would've occurred to her had completely vanished when she saw the delighted glint in Ryder's eyes. Would Honeymaren look at her this way, too?

Which reminded her of the only question lingering in her mind. "But where's Maren? Does she know you... stole Niná and the saddle?" She asked.

The boy smirked and patted her on the shoulder. "Don't worry about it. We gonna' surprise her!"

 _Surprise -_ Elsa remembered when she had peppered her sister with surprises on her birthday and smiled. _So... surprising Maren?_ She would _love_ to.

* * *

Thinking back to the so-called Nattura-ritual that she just attended to a few hours ago, all Elsa could do was let out an absent-minded giggle. It felt like those secret games she used to play with Anna as a kid, something that was so ridiculously childish, but owned just as much meaning. What else could we call a silly dance with reindeers?

Elsa couldn't wait to meet Honeymaren. She even boiled a pot of tea of the girl's favourite kind, and while she watched the swirling, deliciously smelling vapour dissolving in the air, - occasionally teasing it with her powers - she wondered. Wondered how her heart felt lighter knowing that the twins officially took them in, which meant Maren probably liked her back. Not... necessarily in _that_ way, but nevertheless it was okay.

Anyways, she was going to find out tonight. And even though he wasn't aware, Ryder had helped a lot in that.

"Are you serious?" Came her voice as _she_ entered the lavvu with an excited expression spreading on her face. "I could smell _my_ tea from across the whole village."

Elsa chuckled. "Hi, Maren."

The girl plopped onto the furs beside the fireplace and Elsa filled each of their cups. The girl was watching her with a suspicious smile - _that_ lopsided smile.

"You had an extremely good day, haven't you?" She asked, eyeing Elsa.

"You could say that." She shrugged as she took a sip. "Are you surprised though? I spent the day with your brother."

"Yeah, I heard so. And I also know he sneaked away with the deers." Maren announced flatly with a playful snort, jerking her head at her saddle hanging on the wall. "He can _never_ replace my saddle correctly." And with that she walked over to fix it, making Elsa laugh.

"It wasn't going to be a secret for long."

"Hah, you think? I hoped you didn't take me for a fool." She retorted with a wink. "I was just waiting for either of you to eventually admit your treachery."

Elsa rolled her eyes at that but her cheeks were aching from her wide grin.

"He introduced me to Niná and Riná and also... to the Nattura-ritual." She announced.

Maren's jaw dropped, but her first direct reaction were her fingers pinching the bridge of her nose. "I should've known. I knew you two were up to something, but I didn't expect this."

Elsa almost believed Honeymaren wasn't happy with it, but then the girl looked back at her and stretched out her arms. "Duh... Come here, Snowflake."

Her chest swelling with joy and her stomach filled with thrilled butterflies, Elsa practically slammed into Maren and the warm hug they shared threatened the walls of the lavvu to melt. For long minutes they just stood there in silence, too reluctant to let go, as if the news was just a silly, unspoken excuse to keep holding onto each other. Oddly though, while Elsa kept refilling her lungs with the girl's smell - _a spicy mixture of smoke and flowers and grass and just... Nature -_ she wondered how Honeymaren felt about this particular hug.

Was she soothed by her smell, too? Were her muscles funnily buzzing and the hairs on her skin stood on the edge from the constant waves of goosebumps? Did she just feel more like under a goddess' spell than under a human's touch?

"And how was _your_ day?" She whispered and even though her muffled words were barely audible, Maren didn't loosen her arms around her - even if she did, Elsa would jerk her back.

"My own training restarted today."

Elsa gasped but the girl's arms kept her steadily in one place, which she didn't mind though.

"I don't know what you did back on that assembly but he's never been this normal to me."

"Why do you think it was me?" Elsa asked with a noise somewhere between a chuckle and a snort.

"Ámmon never actually listens to anyone. Sure he does his duty with great conscience, but you can never tell him what to do in regards of manners." Elsa felt a finger poke her in the middle, making her squirm briefly. "So I'm damn sure your performance made him think a lot and yes, be proud cause' you're a badass."

Elsa buried her laughter deeper into the shorter girl's neck. According to the way Maren had described her studies the other day, now it must've been good to have them in a slightly more positive atmosphere, and it made Elsa's happiness swell more.

"When's your training over anyways?"

"Hah, now that those creepy lights are patrolling all around our lands and those beasts can pounce at us at any moment? I hate to say it but we need Ámmon better than me."

"I'll fix it. Promise." Was all Elsa could muster at first. "Yelena and I have been working on our newfound knowledge. We're close."

Maren chuckled as she hushed Elsa, sliding her arms lower so that she could also bury her head into Elsa's neck.

"You smell good, Snowflake."

Her light-headed murmur made Elsa's pulse quicken, turning her mind completely off.

_Smell, smell, smell._

"I got a letter from Anna today." She blurted out in a whisper and this seemed to be the only thing being able to make Maren immediately pull away to glance at her.

"That's good! What did she say?"

Elsa felt her nerves return with more force, but there was no turning back.

_This is it._

"She uh... She's alright, okay?" Her abrupt pause made the girl's brows knit. "But I'm not. I mean- I don't know. Can you just... answer me a few questions?"

"This is gonna' be personal, am I right?" Maren asked with a bittersweet but absolutely reassuring smile that meant: _of course._

Elsa pulled away completely, grabbed her cup and sat onto Maren's bed - _their_ bed?

 _Stop it._ _Focus._

"How do Northuldra marriages work? _"_ She began as the girl joined her. "I mean we've never really talked about our relationships and I'm just... curious?"

"You mean, do I have someone I care about?"

Elsa didn't dare to look at her but knew the girl was watching her, so she just nodded.

Maren chuckled. "Well, I assume things didn't go so simply for you as Queen."

"I had a few courting men, but I turned them down." Elsa shrugged, feeling the heat mercilessly capturing her face at this point.

The Northuldra laughed. "Bet you did! But now you don't have to worry, right? You're no longer Queen and Anna has Kristoff."

"Yes, I guess."

"By the way, our ways are quite simple. Not the question of dowry though..."

Elsa was surprised at Maren's voice suddenly turning bitter.

_This was a bad idea._

"Oh, I didn't want this to end like another sad story." She said but was well aware of her own treachery. Did she really think this was going to end up with happy romance? She was ready to drop the topic, but then Maren cut her off.

"Even Ryder doesn't know all about what I wanna' tell you now, okay? So this time it's _me_ asking _you_ to keep this conversation up."

Elsa gave herself a few moments to think but her answer was obvious. "Of course. Tell me."

"Look at me, Elsa. I was never meant to be a decent housewife, right?" The girl began, gesturing all around the lavvu. "I mean I can't weave, I can't cook for a hundred people, the only womanly job I have a clue for is healing."

Elsa understood. "You're different, aren't you?"

Maren nodded. "You could say that. I've learned my weaknesses and strengths, there's nothing I would change - maybe my talent for art, so that you wouldn't be laughing at my clumsy reindeer doodles." The comment made them burst into a brief laugh.

"But y'know... difference comes with complications, despite the fact that I was never judged by it. What if I'll never find my mate with this useless dowry?"

_Her mate... Focus!_

"You wouldn't choose a _man_ who seeks dowry." Elsa whispered hesitantly.

"O- Of course _not..._ but time will force me to do so. And I'm already running short of it..."

Elsa yet again took her time to eye the girl in front of her upside-down. And it made her laugh again.

"What is there to force?" She asked between giggles. "You're amazing and independent, and now listen carefully."

She closed her eyes, recalling her younger self and took a deep breath. _Origins.  
_

Yes, she wasn't ashamed of her mistakes anymore.

"I've learned how to be independent so that I wouldn't need marriage in order to just ensure my life and the kingdom. We're very alike in that, you know?"

Maren smiled as she held her own cup of tea, motionless. But Elsa wasn't done yet, even though the thought threatened to break her heart.

"And what if you find a... similar man? I mean a man who's better women's roles. I'm sure it works the other way too. It's okay for anyone to be different in this, as long as they do something useful by heart. Needless to say that we both have our own aspects that make us different. Trust me in that."

"Elsa... you know I do but this doesn't work so easily like that."

_This was it._

"And... What about... g-girls?"

Maren's eyes widened as she almost spat out her tea and dropped her cup, but she didn't seem outraged at the question. Just as Elsa had hoped. "Girls? I- I thought Arendelle never considered homosexual relationships."

"Homosexual?" Elsa asked, cocking her head sideways - but of course she averted her gaze from the girl's. Then it clicked together and she inhaled sharply. "Oh... _oh_. Biology - hetero and homo. Makes sense." Her nerves blurted out.

Maren's voice seemed just as timid though. "Yes, they're called like that, technically."

_So you are... homosexual. Never thought of a label..._

Silence.

"You never answered my question." Elsa thought her whisper was immediately lost in the thick air.

"I'm sorry I- uh..."

And only when they turned to face each other, did they realize how their faces were inches close for a kiss on the lips. And this time it wasn't just a blurry dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyy there guys!  
> Again sorry for this late update, but I'm soooo glad to announce that my exams went totally fine and I achieved my B2 in French as well. *-*  
> The other reason is simple: I've been consumed by Catradora becoming fukkin CANON and just couldn't focus on any other ships for long weeks, hehe.  
> Aand as for our lovely girls here, I'm starting to feel awkward for making this burn SO SLOW. But ik at the end I won't regret it. XD  
> Take care mates! :)
> 
> P.S: I really enjoyed rewriting the outtake 'I Seek The Truth'. I could say it's a little teaser for the next chapter. :)


	13. Courting you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the honour of Graysku- khm Into The Unknown.

_It was like a puzzle that you could properly see the image of, but those very few missing pieces still made it annoyingly incomplete._

Elsa has solved the puzzle since then. Long ago - even if her stupid mind demanded denial and tried to wipe it from her consciousness for as long as possible. But despite all the destructive effort, she knew that missing piece: it was sitting right beside her, lips slightly parted and ready to lock on her own.

 _Don't_ _let them in, don't let them see. Be the good girl, you always have to be._

Her head moved out of pure instinct, but immediately halted when her mind snapped at her body.

_Conceal, don't feel, put on a show. Make one wrong move and everyone will know._

Maren's breath smelled like the redcurrant tea they've just drunk, but what really caught Elsa's attention was the pace. They were both catching their shallow breaths, even though they haven't done anything more than just staring at each other - examining faces, eyes... and oh, again those lips.

_Not so full but perfectly round._

The silence was deadly, not that their environment was actually silent. Through the drumming in her ears Elsa didn't hear anything unusual than just the distant chattering of people arriving home from a hard day's work, the gentle crackling of the fireplace, sometimes joined by the chirping and rumbling of animals outside, or the rushing of Gale.

So... yes. Now that she needed to recount these irrelevant sounds in order to distract herself from Honeymaren, Elsa started to become quite annoyed with her incapability of moving. Eventually, however, it all just turned into a sorrowful, angry acceptance.

"It's wrong to desire your own gender, isn't it." She sighed, simultaneously gathering all her will to stop herself from leaning in anyways, although her pathetic attempt to hide the utter disappointment in her trembling voice remained without success.

Her statement seemed to shake up Maren as well, whose fluttering eyelids now flew open. Then however, there was the sound of a spilling liquid and she suddenly squirmed and yelped as she shot up from her sitting position, shaking her hands and her tunic to cool her burning skin. The cup fell onto the furs but even if it had shattered they wouldn't have noticed.

"What? N-No, I never said that! And what do you mean anyways?" She stuttered all the way as Elsa hissed and helped her get rid of the stains of hot tea. Maren let out a relieved but shaking moan when Elsa sprinkled her with cold, tender snowflakes.

Elsa on the other hand felt like a horrible person when she secretly thanked Maren's clumsy action for generating such a perfect distraction. And boy, _was she_ ready to use it to her advantage.

"Let me grab you fresh clothes." She offered stoically and without another word she walked over to the chest where Maren's clothes were kept. She handed the dry piece to the girl and picked up the fallen cup, fiddling with it as if to find something more interesting than _that_ woman over there _un_ _dressing_.

But even though she used to be perfect at shuffling her emotions behind a mask, she knew she had lost this ability against Maren long ago. Also, she sucked at charades.

"Elsa..." She heard from behind, but remained unmoving despite that she flinched at the pleading tone. Eyelids shut tight.

 _"Conceal, don't feel..."_ Her instincts pressed through her gritted teeth.

"What?"

 _Oh darling, don't make this harder,_ Elsa thought as she turned into herself, feeling the thick fur below her feet grow rigid and crunchy with ice.

_"Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know!"_

"Elsa, come on!" This time Maren's voice was stronger and came from closer.

But when she heard an unusually loud step behind herself, indicating that Maren had reached the small circle of frozen fur around her, she couldn't fight it anymore. A soft hand grabbed her arm and pulled tenderly but confidently, and she let herself be turned around, albeit her gaze refused to move from the ground.

The girl's grip loosened and ran up until it met Elsa's bare shoulder. It shouldn't have been an unusual gesture - Maren had done that several times and Elsa welcomed it each time -, but now the touch sent Elsa into the abyss. Her body was basking in that familiar _warmth_ yet it was shaking from this newfound anxiety. And next she knew the girl's feather-like touch arrived to her cheek, a lazy thump ghosting across her lips.

"You were _so_ close." Maren whispered - more like to herself - tenderly, an unknown longing colouring her voice. Then she carefully tugged at Elsa's chin to meet her face. Elsa almost gasped when she saw the look she was being given - so... _emotional._

_What is happening?_

"What if I told you I really liked girls?"

Elsa's breath hitched and as if a mountain was ripped in two by a course of tense, supernatural force, relief bombed the knots in her stomach apart.

"I- I wouldn't believe you." She breathed though, and Maren's cheeky, incredulous snort came in an instant.

It was _unbelievable..._ right?

"And what if I kissed you?" Maren chuckled.

It _was_ unbelievable.

"W-Why would you do that?" Elsa asked incredulously, a massive blush creeping upon her face, but not due to the situation itself but the fact that she couldn't decide whether it was a dream or not.

"Because _you_ , dearest Fifth Spirit, are damn confusing."

_You say?_

It was Elsa's turn to let out a nervous but sarcastic chuckle. "Didn't you mean _confused?"_

As an answer, the girl shrugged with a toothy grin, a slight blush giving away her own nerves. "That, too."

And after Maren said that, all Elsa saw was caramel and honey.

"Um- I'm sorry... W-We don't have to do that except if you want to. If you... want me." The girl added, her hands suddenly leaving Elsa's face to pull back a little.

_Want you?_

"Of course I do." Elsa blurted out, but when she realized what she just said, it became clear to her that there was really no turning back.

And yet again... it scared her.

But yet again... she let down her ice walls for Honeymaren.

And because of that, she didn't know how to actually react when _it finally happened_ _._

* * *

Elsa had plenty of opportunities to either reject or make certain decisions - kissing Honeymaren was one of this kind.

They are like a chain, each link bringing you closer to the final, but all of them being able to be ripped out, thus breaking the chain and drawing a gap between you and the final step. Impossible to cross or rewind, so that your chance to make that final decision ceases to exist.

Let's see.

She could've shut her mouth before asking Maren about girls in the first place.

Also, she could've done the same instead of pursuing the girl once again.

Then she could've exited the lavvu before Maren had changed clothes.

But most importantly: she could've rejected Maren's request for permission.

This chain to that final decision had many links: so many opportunities to stop in case Elsa _really_ wanted to. But she didn't.

Honestly though, has tossing Maren away from her heart and body been working for Elsa for the past weeks? She was under a spell.

They were supposed to be sleeping right now. But of course we wouldn't be talking about that if Elsa was _actually_ _sleeping_.

Oh no. There were too many things on her mind. For example, there was this girl called Honeymaren, but this was literally the second time that they weren't sleeping together ever since they'd known each other. Maren had proposed that she would settle on the floor this time, letting Elsa have her bed - there was no way she would let Elsa out of her sight until she was in danger...

...even if she was _mad_ at Elsa right there and then.

* * *

_Barely an hour ago..._

If Elsa thought her _dream_ was vivid, _this_ was something entirely fake.

But no. This was all really happening.

Maren's eyes widen out and she swallows heavily for such a brief moment that if Elsa had blinked she might as well would've missed it. She recovers from it quickly though and her surprise turns into pure joy shining off her frame, almost literally making her glow. Elsa - never would've expected her intentions to be returned - is shocked for a moment to see Maren's expression. But then her own senses are dulled - narrowed into a small world of theirs. This world doesn't allow her to see anything, so her eyes flutter shut.

And barely a second later, her slightly parted mouth is gently covered.

Their touch is tentative at first, almost uncertain.

 _Is this what you really want?_ Elsa asks herself as her hands run their errands to feel up Maren's body until they stop at her neck, where they are finally laced to pull the girl closer. She stops for a moment as if to check on Maren, only to feel their lips move with growing ease and Maren finishing the proceed she had just started.

And when they are finally flush against each other, thanks to Maren's arms sneaking around her middle in a suspiciously familiar way, is when the pictures of Elsa's dream are triggered.

_Long braid swaying against your arm. Bangs tickling your face._

She was kissing a woman. Now for real.

 _But you want it,_ she thinks and dips her head slightly more into those redcurrant-tasting lips, suddenly experiencing a mixture of worry and childish excitement that made a sheepish chuckle rumble in her throat. Was she doing it right? Honeymaren _definitely_ did it right.

_Breasts against your own._

It felt natural.

At the same time, however, she was so desperate to prove herself wrong, whether it should have been her heart for desiring and enjoying this, or her mind for screaming about males. Nevertheless, Elsa's brows knitted as she snatched herself away in an instant, leaving the both of them with heaving chests, flushed cheeks and dilated pupils.

"Was this just a tease, Maren?" Elsa whispered, again curling into her own arms.

She couldn't help it. She had spent over ten years without company and it was just... hard to trust, whether it was about herself or another person. Especially now that the idea of _romantic love_ has gotten an entirely new meaning to her.

But out of every possibility, she didn't expect to see this expression in return.

"Are you serious, Elsa?" Maren snapped and oddly enough, Elsa needed a few moments to process what she was looking at.

Honeymaren was in _tears._

It was so... surreal to see this strong woman crying that initially she had this weird thought running through her head that there was something wrong with those brown eyes - as if a machine of perfection had received a fatal error.

But they were just simple tears in a pair of simple eyes - this girl was only a human.

A human she just _hurt._

She keeps ending up like that...

_Crack... Crack, crack. Crack..._

Ice - all around her feet and now beginning to freeze every ounce of liquid in the lavvu. Even her blood.

"Was it to _you_?" Maren's sorrowful question yanked Elsa back to reality. She wanted to open her mouth but Maren shook her head and didn't let her.

"Nevermind, _Snowflake._ I just don't get you, y'know? I- I thought literally _courting_ you was enough to gain your attention."

Elsa's eyes widened - and was accompanied by a stronger wave of ice spreading through the place -, but her surprise made Maren snort with hurt annoyance.

"Of course you didn't notice... I had figured this was new to you, especially after all the trouble we've been facing for the past days. That's why I just... I don't know, made it subtle and slow so that I wouldn't overwhelm you and thus scare you away."

A heavy sniff shook her voice and she wiped her nose in that disgusting but adorable way she always did. It made Elsa's heart ache and she wanted to reach out for that hand - snotty or not -, but the girl retreated from her. She has never done that.

The lump in Elsa's throat grew but she had to say something. "Maren, it's not-"

"I'm sorry." The girl cut her off again, making clear that there was no place for apologies right now. "Let's just forget about this."

Silence.

Elsa thought it would be the best if she just left before her despair would freeze them both, but neither of them wanted to move. They didn't _know_ if they should move.

Eventually, however, Elsa took a deep breath. _Breathing techniques._

"So you probably don't want me here right now." She whispered in defeat, but the steadiness of her breathing seemed to stop the ice from spreading further.

Maren watched her carefully - she must have noticed her efforts.

"No- I mean..." She halted with a heavy sigh, running her fingers through her bangs. "I can't... I just _can't_ leave you unguarded like this."

"I can defend myself."

Elsa's element was ice. How could she know what oil and fire did once they interacted?

"I know but- fuck, don't play with me anymore, okay? Just leave if you like..."

But neither of them wanted Elsa to leave and their silence was a perfect way to discuss it.

"I'm sorry again. I'll take the floor and I promise I won't take advantage of your oblivion. I already feel like I seriously _have_ and something tells me I won't be able to look into the mirror for a long time _._ "

Was all Honeymaren pressed out stoically before they went to sleep.

* * *

It's been silent ever since then, and although it wasn't the longest Elsa had spent in silence, it was definitely the worse. There were so many things she _should have_ said, she _should have_ fought Maren's sadness and say something despite being interrupted - but she's never been one to stutter long, messy explanations.

The scene kept replaying in her mind over and over again. Those words. Those feelings. That kiss...

_She had been courting you._

Since when? If Honeymaren had been a man, it would've been so much easier to catch up with the hints - it would've been more obvious. So when did it start?

The trip? Has this been going on for that long?

The offer to practically move in together?

The cuddles?

The kiss on the cheek?

When she came home to find a bouquet of forget-me-not from Maren, because according to her they were the brightest blue flowers in the Enchanted Forest so they absolutely matched Elsa?

Or when she left at dawn for an early patrol with the scouts, and Elsa was awoken by the scent of a ripe fruit salad, accompanied by a messy, tired note that said: _"Have a lovely morning, M"_ _?_

Oh... _Oh._

Elsa just tossed and turned in the pool of her own stupidity which was not helped by the lingering taste of the said girl on her tingling lips, either. Could she ever fix this? She missed Honeymaren's warmth. Elsa could also hear her breathing - there was still barely just two metres between them - but the fact that she wasn't here with Elsa just couldn't be compensated by anything. She was snoring which she hardly ever did, probably the floor was far less comfortable for her lungs and it made Elsa's guilt swell even more.

She rolled over to watch the girl next to her, although this was an unusually dark night. Nevertheless, it was enough to just feed on the idea of seeing something.

_She had been courting you and you fucked it up._

Did this explicitly mean that Maren... liked her back?

_"A-Ah, A-Aah!"_

"What?" Elsa blurted out aloud as she shot up, suddenly afraid if she might have awoken the girl. But fortunately Maren was still asleep.

_"A-Ah, A-Aah, Ah-Ah..."_

"Ahtohallan..." She breathed and got up without skipping a beat _._ She once again checked on Maren to make sure she wasn't going to be followed, and sneaked out into the night.

Following Ahtohallan's Voice has always worked, right? Not to mention that she had been silent for a while, so her calling must have carried great importance.

_"A-Ah, A-Aah!"_

Elsa yawned. "Great timing though." She muttered as she proceeded through the village, trying her best to avoid being caught by a wandering Nortuldra - to ensure the people's safety these days, there was a curfew established.

The Voice came from East - the spiritual region.

It was all clear until she reached the borderline which was obviously stuffed with those scouts and guards Maren had talked so much about. 

_"A-Ah, A-Aah!"_

But Ahtohallan needed her from outside. She was the Fifth Spirit and she was called: that made no exception, so she was going through that border.

 _Wait,_ she thought, _shouldn't you tell someone?_

Indeed, this seemed to be important, something that was ought to be reported to Yelena and the others, and her former mistakes had taught her not to do everything alone. Proud of her new, mature, responsible Fifth Spirit self, she already took a firm turn to wake up the rest.

But then her eyes widened...

_"A-Ah, A-Aah, Ah-Ah..."_

It was no longer the Voice that she had followed all the way up here from Arendelle. It was _Maren's_ voice.

Was it possible for Ahtohallan to pick up someone else's voice?

It must've been, because it was definitely not the real Maren calling her - this voice was only audible for her, and the village was still fast asleep.

And according to the issues that just happened, this call was only meant for her.

But how could she sneak past the scouts? If she was caught, there would be questions, and questions would mean she needed to tell everything about her and Maren - she immediately disposed of the idea of lying, she needed to acknowledge she was terrible at that.

The village didn't exactly have walls, but both its watch tower system and the crew were well advanced and rich.

And as if on cue, she heard a purr and felt tiny feet crawling up on her leg, accompanied by a familiar _swoosh_ playing with her ice dress. The Spirits seemed to be the only one who just _knew_ what had been going on between Maren and Elsa, and now they were ready to help.

"Thank you guys." Elsa whisper-shouted with relieved excitement as Bruni gave her cherk a reassuring lick and shot off on the back of Gale, heading right for the guards.

Elsa followed up cautiously and waited for the right moment.

However, she didn't need too much time to wait - how on Earth would she, when her aid was this notorious double-trouble? All Bruni had to do was bounce at the feet of the Northuldra, igniting himself, and the distraction was well done. Gale rushed behind the other guard, swinging his tunic into his face, and the path was officially free for Elsa.

Wasting no time, she sprinted off and only did she stop when she was out of sight, hidden deep under the night. From far away she could still hear the half-annoyed, half-scared, but ridiculous shrieks of the scouts, and she giggled at their awesome teamwork. Also, she owed Bruni and Gale, big time.

 _"A-Ah, A-Aah!_ _"_

It seemed to come from their secret spot where they had agreed for the trip weeks ago. But Maren's voice, although being faked by the River, deeply hurt, and she didn't understand anything.

Sure she had to answer the call, but she didn't need to be lectured about how she had just messed everything up with her _female friend._ After all, maybe it was for the best. Maybe desiring a woman was not meant for either of them. Also, deep down she just needed a bit of a runaway - old habits, then again die hard.

_"A-Ah, A-Aah, Ah-Ah..."_

_"I can hear you, but I won't!_   
_Men suit you well, while women don't."_

She began with annoyance, not for a moment stopping her steps into the direction of the call. She wasn't sure whether she sent her tunes for Ahtohallan or Maren, but it wasn't important right then.

_"There's a thousand reasons I should forget that odd day._   
_And ignore your whispers, which I wish would go away o-o-oh!"_

_"A-Ah, A-Aah!_ _"_

 _Stop it,_ she glared into the space, or as much as you could glare at an invisible _voice._

_"A-Ah..."_

_"A-Ah, A-Aah, Ah-Ah..."_

_"I'm not allowed; to touch you like I do these days!_   
_And if I let you - which I won't - please keep a friendly way..._   
_Everyone I'd ever ask would tell me this is bad,_   
_I'm sorry, carnal phantom, but I'm too much more ahead!"_

She stopped and leaned against a birch, gripping it in desperate confusion.

_"My mind's all set up now, yet my heart is chasing you:_   
_I am afraid of what I'm risking if I give into-"_

But she actually gave in, singing out loud the thing she never thought she would ever say.

_"-lovin' a woman,_   
_Lovin' a woman,_   
_Lovin' a woman!"_

_"A-Ah,_ _A-Aah,_  
 _A-Ah, A-Aah, Ah-Ah..."_

But the answer that was morphed into Maren's fake voice yet again made Elsa's legs wobble.

 _"What do you want?"_ She asked in defeat.

_"The lack of warmth is killing me..._   
_Are you here to distract me so desire is in vain?"_

_But she had been courting you,_ she kept telling herself.

 _"Or are you the one right out there who is going to love me?_  
 _Who knows deep down I'm not like women should be?_  
 _Every day's a little harder, as my hidden feelings grow,_  
 _Don't you know that you're the one who makes me long-_  
 _-l_ _ovin' a woman?_  
 _Lovin' a woman,_  
 _Lovin' a woman!"_

 _"A-Ah, A-Aah_ ,  
 _A-Ah, A-Aah_ _!"_

Ahtohallan seemed to finally agree with that.

_"O-o-oh, are you out there?_   
_Would you hold me?_   
_Would you kiss me?_   
_Would you warm me?"_

And at that moment, she realized: this is what she really wanted.

Her uncertain steps grew into thrilled running once again, and she didn't stop singing along with Ahtohallan until she arrived at their secret cliff, fighting herself through the bushes carelessly.

_"Ah-Ah, A-A-Ah!_   
_Your presence has changed_   
_Everything in its path!_   
_Tell me it's normal just-_   
_-loving a woman?"_

And finally, she spun once with her voice on full force, _letting it all go into the unknown._

What she didn't know, however, was that Honeymaren was the best tree climber amongst the Northuldra, who apparently had pretended to be asleep, and then followed her and heard it all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY! I'VE BEEN WAITING TO WRITE THIS SINCE I STARTED THIS HECKIN FIC!  
> Yeah, the rewritten lyrics for Into The Unknown were long done. Also, if you're vigilant enough, it's literally the story description. Hehe.
> 
> OMFG PLEASE tell me what you think about it!! 
> 
> Oh and about our long awaited kiss... I'm an angsty lil' weirdo, I don't make the rules. They'll get to it I promise, but aside from the joke I think this was necessary regarding the way I've been making things between our girls. 
> 
> Take care, and comments are exceptionally welcomed this time! 😍😍


	14. Reprise

Maren heard Elsa fussing around in the creaking bedstead all night long, feeling a little jealous because that was what she really wanted to do as well - but then she would've given herself away. Instead, she was just quietly lying atop of a makeshift fur bed, stubbornly motionless. _Breathing techniques._

She knew Elsa has grown a lot in those lessons and she adored her efforts and the way her soul had been healing - but then again, Elsa still couldn't beat her in her own game, so she was pretty much sure Elsa bought 'sleeping Maren'.

Though she wished she could actually fall asleep, because her insides were screaming.

_Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid._

This echoed in her thoughts, and nothing more.

Did she really think this was going to work like that? Even Maren herself saw Elsa's oblivion and yet she had kept pushing on simply out of her own terrible selfishness, only for the next moment to lash out on the girl because of her own obviously expected failure.

Gods, she has probably never felt such guilt.

Honestly though, has tossing Elsa away from her heart and body been working for Maren for the past weeks? She was under a spell. She's fallen on her knees for the Fifth Spirit herself - could they blame her for that?

But still... she couldn't put the blame on anything else than herself.

The tingling of her lips didn't seem to cease so she couldn't help but carefully place her fingers there. It felt light, hard, numb, sensitive, dry, wet... _sore._ As if all her mingled feelings were concentrated right where she had been kissing Elsa - right where she had probably made a huge mistake.

Yes, the guilt was about to make her roar and her neck threatened to crack in this impossible position and the hard floor. Sure she was used to sleeping on the bare ground, but these days of hell good sleep on a straw bed _with_ Elsa had easily made her get used to the comfort.

Though... she rather felt tired and sleepy.

She didn't really let it show but these days of preparation had really been taking their toll on her. Not only was she on the brink of becoming Head of Defense, the lurking threat was inching closer day by day. She could feel it, something buzzing, nearly throbbing in her fibers with increasing force - her and Ryder both could. It must've been their origin, that extraordinary substance that seemed to live in symbiosis with her scientific biology. As if the Nattura twins had a part of them driven by magic, just like Elsa.

She had felt it days before Elsa and her sister first arrived. She had felt it for those hours that turned out to be the time Elsa spent in Ahtohallan, almost frozen to death. Damn, she had even felt it as the two of them were approaching the clearing of the Beast.

Of course, she wouldn't tell Elsa. At least, not yet.

Elsa, Elsa... everything kept coming back to her, one way or another.

Nevertheless, there were only a few minutes passing and Elsa no longer needed to buy 'sleeping Maren' as the girl gave into a restless, but somewhat decent slumber.

* * *

Ice. Something blue and golden... no, not exactly golden. Almost white, rather. A flash of light... something cold. Then buzzing.

You could say Honeymaren was used to it. Flashbacks and dreams like that had been happening ever since she experienced the first premonition of Nature. Being the daughter of Nattura was just the way it's always been so she knew what to do next: wake up.

As if on cue, the suspicious throbbing all over her body returned and made her eyes jolt open.

 _Another magical catastrophe..._ was all her inner voice echoed as her mind began to drift back to reality. And 'another magical catastrophe' certainly equalled the intervention of a certain woman.

"What?" Maren heard next to her.

Who else could it be?

"Ahtohallan..." She heard Elsa whisper again and her eyes went wide as she understood.

 _The River hasn't called her for weeks,_ she thought.

According to the creaking of the bed Elsa got up, and a second later her steps - so loud, she was very bad at stealth - proceeded along the lavvu until she was gone. According to the small sigh she let out, she must've checked on Maren before she left, but then again she was just an admirably annoying fool to think she could beat Maren in her own game.

Honeymaren's sigh on the other hand, was not that subtle and relieved. Elsa was definitely going to exit the village alone, and it was just then that Maren actually started to relate to Anna: would Elsa still be alive if she didn't have that amazon-natured sister of hers always on watch?

"Elsa, _Elsa_ , stupid _Elsa_ , get outta' my stupid head..." She muttered as she stretched out, ready to have the back of that stupid reckless woman.

Everything was just... _stupid._

But she wasn't going to leave Elsa's side even if she was going to feel guilty for that kiss until her death, so she just threw on her boots and hat and hurried outside before she could lose track of the Fifth Spirit.

The village was, of course, silent and asleep. No one else than her and Ryder needed to be constantly alarmed by Nature and just as Maren stepped into the night, she heard a familiar _psst._

"What is it again?" Ryder stumbled to her with his hands rubbing sleep and headache out of his eyes.

"I'd rather ask _who._ " Maren snorted quietly as she sneaked from lavvu to lavvu, snuggling up to each leather wall.

"Why' we hiding?" Ryder asked with his last word being stretched by a deep yawn.

"Cause' _Elsa_ is hiding."

Her statement met a blank expression and a pause.

"And why's _Elsa_ hiding?"

Maren almost moaned with annoyance, but only a pained sigh came. She wasn't sure if Ryder surmised every detail, but something he understood right away.

"Sorry sis'. What do we do?"

Maren sent him a silent expression of 'thanks'.

"I'll handle Elsa, we shall let her do what she needs and prepare for the possible consequences. You go check on the sentinels for a report. Alarm them, be discreet. Official orders."

"Yes, ma'am."

They snickered at the words like they always did - sometimes it was just too surreal and funny to use that high-title language for the dorks they actually were. The twins then exchanged a knowing, serious nod, parting ways.

Even though Ryder was not exactly a part of the Northuldra warriors, he played an important part in Maren's training. Unlike her, he's never been into big responsibilities, but supportig his sister here and there was more than just enough for her. His big fat ass heart was too great for hard decisions anyways... Let's just say that neither of them knew where he actually belonged for sure - it was a part of him which Maren knew too well, a wandering soul whose place has always been a question.

At least until the absence of the Mist.

She let herself pull a bittersweet smile as she watched her brother for a moment or two - it was a thing she did too often but we couldn't blame her, right? Honeymaren knew once things in the Enchanted Forest went back to normal, sooner or later Ryder would be gone. How wouldn't he? The sky, oh that breathtaking _sky_ has always been what Ryder really wanted.

And he would never have the perfect view from under these ancient, boring trees.

But back to mission. Inevitable responsibilities. Fifth Spirit and danger ahead.

Not even for a moment did Maren's focus alter, though. Thankful for Elsa's clumsy stealth skills she caught up with the girl with ease, keeping up a comfortable distance. She wondered where the Voice would bring Elsa, hoping desperately it wasn't going to be a suicide mission. However, her hopes just died off the moment she saw Elsa arrive near the border of the village.

Maren was about to leave her current hiding spot, a large barrel of water, her eyes scanning her surroundings and her feet ready to perform a feather-like jump behind the next suitable obstacle.

But she barely had a second to retreat.

Elsa spun around and Maren's heart skipped a surprised beat - for a moment she thought her incognito was blown. But fortunately that wasn't the case as Elsa didn't look as if she was seeking someone - instead, it seemed like she just remembered something.

But if the next moment couldn't give Maren away, nothing else could. Really. She jumped and couldn't help the muffled yelp that left her covered mouth as Bruni landed on her hat with such a rush that almost yanked the garment off her head. Gale's familiar leaves followed, giving the girl a second wave of heart attack as the tiny hurricane circled around her body. Maren pressed herself against the barrel even more, almost molding into the wood and with her chest rising rapidly, she shot a glare upwards.

"Troublemakers." She hissed and watched while the little salamander skittered onto the top of the barrel, peeking at Elsa. "Bet you Spirits feel what we feel, too." She added quietly and copied Bruni's actions.

Elsa over there was in deep thinking - thus giving Maren a chance to keep up her secrecy - as she stood there, barely out of the view of the watchtower.

The buzzing in Honeymaren's flesh returned and Elsa's eyes simultaneously went wide. It must've been the Voice and for once Maren wished she heard what the girl over there did, too, because she turned back and headed straight for the borders.

Maren followed, she couldn't act otherwise. Worry building within, the magical premonition was ceaseless and started to give her the headaches.

"Go on guys, keep her safe for me." She told the Spirits without even trying to hide her affection, and changed direction to find another way to the nearby watchtower.

"We received your orders ma'am. Our reinforced defense is active, discretion implemented." The watcher on top of the tower offered in a decent whisper when Maren arrived.

"Good job, sentinel." Maren saluted and walked over to the edge, deliberately staying under the shadows and willing her voice to stay calm despite her growing unease. "The Fifth Spirit has been called and I believe she has a good reason to leave the village. I'll signal the guards of this section to let Elsa go and I'll escort her personally."

Before she could pick up the eye contact with the guards from below, however, each of them jumped and yelled in surprise as they were practically attacked by Bruni and Gale. The next moment there was the flash of a white dress and a sea of blonde hair flowing, and Elsa was long gone into the woods.

"My job is overrated." Maren muttered flatly as she bit her bottom lip to muffle her proud laughter, though as she spun back to see the scouts stand there with their shoulders shaking, she gave into a small, intimate giggle.

"Looks like she doesn't need that much of our help, does she?" They said and Maren rolled her eyes.

"We'll see. Remember when she tripped in her own feet and landed straight into you?" She retorted with a finger pointed at one of the sentinels and they all laughed quietly.

"That I do remember, ma'am."

A moment of shared fun never threatened her dignity as a superior.

"I'll be right back. Take care." She saluted once again and descended into the night.

 _Don't do anythin_ g _stupid, Elsa..._ _please. I care for you._

And just as the thought formed in her head, the soft, angelic voice of Elsa sounded up from the depth of the woods, making her stop dead in the track for a brief moment.

" _I can hear you, but I won't!_  
 _Men suit you well, while women don't..."_

Why was she singing? And... _who_ was she singing for? Maren took a careful step and peeked from behind the birch she was clutching. Elsa looked both confused and troubled, but there was still a hint of grace, pride and strength in her demeanor. 

_"_ _There's a thousand reasons I should forget that odd day_ _._   
_And ignore your whispers, which I wish would go away o-o-oh..."_

Maren was about to catch up from the distance when Elsa disappeared again, but almost tripped when she heard the next line as the realization hit her: whatever was going on, she became certain it was about _her_ and the kiss _itself._ However, she had to stay sane for everyone's sake, so she just shook the pink cloud out of her head and kept following from a safe distance. Elsa was heading for their secret spot, it seemed.

Maren had to concentrate even if the lines Elsa sang kept punching and caressing her at the same time. Every single part of her consciousness was a tensing mess, all bound to critical focus - but for once in her life her heart owned wider control and let her pulse speed up at each tune.

_"...My mind's all set up now, yet my heart is chasing you_ :  
 _I am afraid of what I'm risking if I give into-"_

The end of her self-control was dangerously close.

"- _Lovin' a woman,_  
 _Lovin' a woman_ _,_  
 _Lovin' a woman!"_

And then, something just _broke_.

Sure she believed Elsa's voice had no valid competitors, but this time she just... her being just gave up and officially made her wobbling legs drop her weight onto the ground. The melodies were flowing in the air and whilst they were filling every inch of the forest, it felt like they were going to freeze everything - this time, in a good way.

In an _unbelievable_ way. 

Maren was staring ahead of herself at the brink of blacking out and barely being able to process what she just heard. Somewhere along this state between the worlds of reality and dreaming, her legs came back to life and brought her back up, stumbling from tree to tree. At this point she didn't even care if Elsa ever noticed her sneaking behind. She just needed to hear what Elsa had to say.

Soon they arrived to the cliff where she had offered Elsa the trip and her friendship. It didn't seem like the Voice was leading her any further so Honeymaren decided to choose a proper tree to claim as her permanent hiding spot. 

So she climbed up and it was weird to think back at the day they'd met here. How Elsa had jumped each time they accidentally or innocently touched - she's come to trust Maren since then, and it was maybe the biggest achievement she has ever earned. 

Did this mean her feelings were mutual?

_"..._ _Every day's a little harder, as my hidden feelings grow:_   
_Don't you know that you're the one who makes me long-_   
_L_ _ovin' a woman?"_

It... apparently it did.

"She feels something, too." She whispered with a few drop of tears blurring her view. 

At this point she actually felt like a creepy stalker, but she supposed it would be worse if she revealed herself right away. After all, Elsa just confessed without Maren's knowledge... or at least she really hoped it was the case.

_"...Your presence has changed_   
_Everything in its path!_   
_Tell me it's normal just-_   
_Loving a woman?"_

And finally, Elsa spun around as her melody ended.

Honeymaren was in sincere, pure awe as she was staring at this woman from above. She could watch her for eternity and beyond, just standing there with her chest heaving and her cheeks in a shade of light pink, lit by the faint moonlight and with the large, endless valley hugging her below the cliff. She wondered how Elsa could've looked like in a different environment - Arendelle, perhaps -, but first of all she couldn't really imagine anything different from _this._ Elsa's pure beauty and kindest personality and the tranquillity of Nature made such a breathtaking harmony that Maren was sure she wasn't going to see anything more beautiful than this scene.

It should've been a crime but it simply felt like luck.

A few minutes passed like that. Elsa, as always, was in deep thoughts - the small glint in her eyes as she stared ahead of herself and her slightly knitted eyebrows were usual signals. Maren just watched her like she always did, and this time her fingers instinctively wandered to her lips. Still tingling at the memory.

There is only one disadvantage of being in love, though: you don't necessarily pay full attention to your environment, which Maren really should have.

A sting of pain in her arm was all she felt before she lost her balance between the branches, and next she knew her limbs lost grip and gravity was yanking her back to Earth. She tried to grab the remaining branches, but there was a reason she hadn't used them earlier: they all just shattered under her weight, and there was nothing else stopping her from dropping. Her last move was to shelter herself beneath her own arms and shut her eyes, anticipating the _thud._

"I've got you!" She heard Elsa yell and she felt something cold and slippery crack under her body. Maren instinctively moved herself so that she smoothly rolled onto the ice slope Elsa just created, reaching the ground quickly. She hit her hip and her elbows hard, though it was nothing compared to what could've happened without Elsa's help.

When she looked up with a pained groan, maybe she wasn't prepared for _those_ pair of eyes looking at her in a mixture of surprise, dread, and... pure nervousness.

 _At this point she must know_ _I'd heard her,_ Maren thought.

"What did you-" Elsa wanted to say but then glanced up and if that was possible, her eyes went just a little wider.

Maren felt a little dizzy as she lifted her hurt arm to see the fabric of her clothes covered in thick frost. It couldn't have been Elsa, right? But she had no time to process anything properly as the said girl grabbed her intact arm and pulled her up.

"Careful!" She whisper-shouted and when Maren turned her head to look aback, her eyes that had been used to the dark were almost blinded by the sudden light.

They were those strange, icy patches of light that have been patrolling around the village. They were like a horde bringing frost in their wake and now ready to imprison them in stone-hard ice. Then, as if this wasn't enough, the girls heard a deep, familiar growl emerging from the light as they halted and began to pick up the form of a four-legged animal.

The Beast.

Vigorous and madder than before.

"I've fought it once." Elsa stated incredulously, but soon her scared expression turned determined. "Looks like we don't need to run." She added and was ready for combat.

But Maren was still more vigilant, despite that her body and head were still hurting from both the fall and that long-known throbbing signal.

"Don't-" She grunted and reached out to grab Elsa firmly. "It has no sigil anymore." She pointed out.

And indeed, the Beast was alive and glowing as before but ever so deformed and worn, and in the place of the sigil there was nothing but a deep, dark crack.

"What?" Elsa breathed out in confusion and took an unsure step back.

"We'll figure it out but we gotta' run _now_!" Maren yelled and just as she did that, the Beast launched forward.

So they ran. Ran for their lives, straight back to the village.

"Wait!" Elsa shouted as they were sprinting. "We can't lead it to the others at home!"

Honeymaren gathered all her strength to scrunch her brows and answer without her lungs giving up. "I know but we're still stronger together. Trust me!"

Her head was about to blow up, especially while she was running and grunting in pain. She took a glance back at the Beast who was inching closer and closer. They must reach the village in time. They must.

She almost had a heart attack when Elsa stopped in all of a sudden, but was a bit relieved when she saw what she was about to do. The girl waited for the Beast to rip itself through a pair of birches and then leaned in with a high pitched growl to cast a cage of ice between the trees, making it stuck with a raging howl.

"This should hold." Was all she rushed out before she grabbed hold of Maren's arm to aid her.

For a while it seemed like they gained a little time and in a few minutes the first torches of the village were already close enough to be seen. Maren was about to call for help, ready to gather all her remaining strength, but Elsa's arm around her squeezed on.

"Don't tire yourself." She said with such softness, worry and affection that Maren couldn't even refuse even if she wanted to.

"We need help!" She called out with an exhausted grunt from having to keep both of them from falling.

However, the Beast seemed to have its own tricks, because its vicious roar was easily loud enough to outvoice Elsa's shout, and then it appeared right away, again in the form of chilling lights.

Maren felt her body hit the ground again as Elsa tossed her away in order to keep her safe as the swarm of lights and frost were swirling towards them. Just as they reached the ground, they once again picked up their final form so that the Beast's paws could crash into the bed of dead leaves and earth, rousing them like they were nothing. The scene was enough to alarm the watchtower and Maren could hear the warriors marching and yelling, but Elsa was all she could focus on.

"Be careful!" She screamed as she hurriedly got up, but her dizziness was about to make her stumble back - vision blurred, ears drumming and whistling. The throbbing signal in her flesh has never been this strong and vigorous, so her instincts telling her to protect Elsa were ever so loud.

_Need to... protect her..._

When the Beast let out another intimidating growl, leaning in to jump at Elsa at the next moment, her heart stopped.

What she saw next, however, was unexpected and astonishing.

Elsa stood her ground and her face wore an expression Maren has never seen on this level: pure, raw anger. Beyond instincts or consciousness and maybe even beyond Nature. There was a growing blizzard whirling around her - similar to what she'd had on the assembly - as her thin, fragile hands turned into stone-hard fists and her ice-blue eyes threw burning sparks at the threat over there.

"I can no longer allow you to hunt us. Stay away from me and _her._ " Her whisper was barely audible but spoke a hundred times loud meaning. Then her voice turned into a living lightning as she thundered. "I, the Fifth Spirit _command you!_ "

And before the Beast could attack, she swung her body to gather all the wild hurricane around herself, and exploded it. Elsa's frost didn't hurt Maren: all she felt was just a soothing wave of cold brush against her body on the ground as she threw her arm over her eyes. And when she cautiously opened it, the Beast was no longer a deformed, lost savage.

It was a calm, tamed creature, kneeling in front of that amazing woman she cared for.


	15. Gone

Elsa had stepped right into a trap and now was suffering the consequences. There were many things she couldn't figure out though.

_How does the Beast live without the sigil? There's still a nasty crack in its place._

_Why would it lure her out of the village when it could just barge in to start a siege?_

But logic didn't matter while she was running for her life.

Anyway, has she ever fallen for a trap?

Looks like she has now... but even if she was angry with herself for it, she knew it couldn't be avoided and had to be dealt with right there and then. She was well aware that she was no goddess to turn back time. She _was,_ however, the Fifth Spirit herself - so she wasn't going to act unworthy of her own name, especially if a whole world and a certain woman's safety were on stake.

So well, there were two strong feelings rolling her actions forward as she was in the middle of escaping back to the village with an injured Maren by her side.

First: protection.

An urge to save the ones - and _the one_ \- she loved and keep them safe and happy, just like they keep her. She already has spent too much time saving herself and now that she was okay, she was entirely ready to fulfill her duty the way she always wanted. It didn't feel like a burden anymore because Elsa was finally free - free to master her magic, free to be herself, free to have her family.

And now, to complete the whole line she's become free to love.

So when this immense, ultimate amount of freedom was unlocked inside of her as she had accepted her identity through singing her way through the Enchanted Forest, she has finally come to achieve the peace that she needed all her life. She felt like a gate, the gate of Arendelle that had been kept locked for so long, that had only been at the start of opening wide.

But her spiritual freedom unlocked something else, too, something she may have only experienced as transformed sorrow. It was rage.

Rage was easy to feel and to embrace - for some, even, it was way too easy to keep inside and evolve. Not for Elsa's icy veins though which weren't so good at boiling her blood with intense feelings like that. Feeling rage was something that arrived with Arendelle's open gate, and the first time Elsa felt utter, true anger was when she had discovered what Prince Hans was planning to do to the kingdom - and to _Anna._

It's always been them: the ones she loved.

The second time she felt it was in the chambers of Ahtohallan, when she uncovered the truth behind the Mist - the intended treason of King Runeard. What made her icy veins take their turn and boil her blood was the hatred her grandfather had expressed against magic. Magic meant Elsa, and it also meant that someone Elsa loved was getting hurt - she's finally learned how to love _herself_.

The assembly and the way Ámmon had been talking about her Mother was yet again an occasion that demanded her instant reaction.

And finally she was standing there facing those tiny lights that twisted and swirled and grew into that glowing ice, letting out a maddening howl. All she could think about was Honeymaren and the rest of the Northuldra, and it was this abrupt flush of boiled blood that finally pushed her to a decision: either way, no matter what, she was going to stop this Beast once again and for all.

So Elsa glanced at the girl beside her who was clutching her head in pain and was murmuring hasty words like 'don't' and 'hurry' as she was trying to pull her forward with all the force she still grasped.

 _You_ _won't flee. Not this time. Not anymore,_ Elsa thought.

So she nudged Maren behind herself whose inability to stay on her feet gave in, but Elsa knew she would be okay as she dropped onto the ground. Maren has been so, _so_ strong for her and it was time Elsa repaid her support... and later, maybe something else, too. But that had yet to wait.

"Be careful!" She watched the girl shout from behind - a last tug of worry and affection at her pounding heart - before she spun back to finally face the Beast.

 _You're_ _doing this for_ _her._

Still, the Beast was all glowing and ugly, all jagged and trembling, all heartless without the broken sigil. But even though Elsa still had no idea what to do about the whole situation, she stood her ground and let all the power of her feelings and her newfound freedom blossom around her in the most natural way: icy snowflakes. Maren's voice echoed in her thoughts, all the ways and tones she's ever used to call her on the nickname.

_Snowflake._

Fifth Spirit.

All she wanted was to fix Nature, fix Arendelle, have her sister's back, and live happily with Maren in the place she could finally call her sweet, lovely home. She was the Fifth Spirit, Guardian of Nature - was this such a big, greedy, unreal desire from her? Wishing the World was a better place?

_No it wasn't._

"I can no longer allow you to hunt us." She began, her eyes connected and locked with the Beast's red irises. "Stay away from me and _her_ _!_ "

Soon she was ready to unleash the building power because she knew she was given it for a reason. She held all her magic for a brief moment, all the energy she has ever restrained, all the ice that ever wanted to slip out. Through the thick blizzard around her body she could see the Beast's silhouette lean aback, a telltale sign of its intention to blow a lethal attack, but she didn't care anymore. She just had to trust Nature in order to expect _Nature_ to trust _her._

"I, the Fifth Spirit _command you!_ " She roared out of her consciousness and pushed... something huge, pure, freezing and natural.

Silence followed and you couldn't even tell the exact moment when the Beast's sound was cut off.

Somehow, however, Elsa wasn't afraid to open her eyes so she did it right away. She expected to feel surprise, maybe fear that she might have made a wrong decision, but there was nothing but an odd yet comfortable tingle of... confirmation. Confidence? Not necessarily... it was enlightenment. Maybe. As if her actions weren't even hers but at the same time she didn't feel like she had been controlled. You could say it was an instinct, but probably it was just the hand of Nature fulfilling his will through his Guardian.

For there was something entirely else facing her, something magnificent, noble and tranquil. It was made of that same ice, only it wasn't radiating that bluish, eerie glow and the surface seemed orderly and symmetrical and now that she shapes were intact, she could see the anatomy of an ermine. The lack of that light the material used to emit now let it reflect the lighting of the environment, which currently consisted of the moonlight and the torches of the village, painting the glass-like ice a mixture of silver and gold.

The ermine's eyes were blue, the exact same shade as Elsa's. In fact, those eyes seemed to mirror Elsa's very soul and personality.

She knew _this_ used to be the Beast, but at the same time it felt so oddly inappropriate and distant to think of that name. It wasn't a Spirit, either. Maybe she should have invented a name but for now she didn't feel the need.

But a weak sigh that caught her attention seemed to be the number one priority for a moment as her gaze snapped to Maren on the ground, a tug of dread reappearing in her guts. She let out a worried whimper and threw herself over to the girl to pick her up into her lap.

Elsa hardly ever stammers hasty questions.

"What's wrong? It's not that fall from earlier, is it. Where are you hurt?"

Her hands were quickly roaming all around the girl's body as if to seek any additional injuries.

Maren's smile was exhausted but held such amazement and pride that Elsa's heart almost skipped a beat. She didn't want to admit it to herself but this time she could also see that one thing she could never figure out before: love. Not only the love you express to your family, but the one Elsa has developed and experienced to be _romantic._ And given that Maren's eyes reflected her own feelings, she found herself both over the clouds and angry at her past clueless actions.

"Calm down Elsa, I'll manage." She rasped out and patted her hand. "Just lemme' get up."

Elsa just nodded eagerly and helped her up. The women held onto each other's waist as they faced the reborn Beast. The alarmed warriors around who had been in a hurry to rescue them now stopped dead in the track at the scene, some gasping and dropping weapons on the ground, others murmuring or just gawking in astonishment.

Everything stilled for those few minutes, even the wind and the animals, and this perfect silence reminded Elsa of her strange dream. As if they were all bowing before their mover - Nature.

Though it didn't last too long.

"Is this all?" One asked dumbly but was quickly elbowed by another.

"For the sake of Spirits, what is going on?" Ámmon's voice stormed out as he was walking through the crowd of warriors in his own elder but hurried pace. Yelena followed tight, grasping his shoulder and Maren also stepped out to deal with the man.

"Everyone is safe!" She assured. "Let her do what she needs."

Finally, Elsa felt the girl's hand ever so tenderly slide into her own which immediately urged her to look at her. They were both hesitant as their eyes met this time, the memories of earlier before coming back to the two at once. Elsa couldn't miss Maren's glance at her lips and she couldn't help but do the same. However, this wasn't the time - whatever they were going to end up doing with this situation of theirs - and even though they so desperately wanted to talk about it, they both knew it was impossible right now.

"I'm sorry." Was all Elsa whispered because despite the current priorities and the audience, she couldn't bear another second without saying it to Honeymaren. And she hoped the girl would get it.

What she got in return was a bittersweet but hopeful smile, barely a twitch in the corner of the girl's mouth, but still: _that lopsided smile._

"Off you go now, Fifth Spirit." She purred.

And with that - and a last encouraging squeeze of their hands -, Honeymaren walked back to the others to give Elsa the space she needed.

Spirit stuff to do. Usual thing.

First things first Elsa had to test something: she drew a delicate circle in the air and gasped when she saw the creature's face melt under her magic for a moment before it froze right back.

Her powers could finally work on it.

Second things second Elsa had to test something else as well: she took a tentative step to reach out, but timidly brought back her hand when the creature jumped a little. The sudden movement, however, brought Elsa's attention to its chest, slightly to the left side.

Still, no sigil. Nothing more than a single rhomb shaped socket with the symbol of the Fifth Spirit carved into it. It still didn't make any sense.

_If there's a socket but there's no sigil as a life source, how is it still alive?_

She had broke it into pieces and then the Beast had died.

_She leapt and swung it upwards, closing her eyes tightly with inexperienced hesitation. She hit it perfectly though and could feel herself pierce through the sigil like a knife in warm butter._

Stabbed it with an ice spear.

And just as she remembered this particular moment, the socket let out a flash of violet light, as if to give the hint Elsa needed. She gasped and spun around, her eyes seeking either Maren or Yelena in the crowd.

"The broken sig-" She wanted to call out but the sudden movement made her vision briefly swim and she staggered, her voice breaking quiet.

Then she felt a gush of cold brush against her back and next she knew the ice ermine began to melt away until it evaporated into sparkling, icy mist.

The fellow Northuldra gasped simultaneously, whereas Elsa became increasingly puzzled.

"It's gone." She stated in confusion, her fingers unsurely playing with the last remains of mist. "Whatever it was... it's gone."

Even Ámmon was staring at the scene in awe, but his amazement soon turned into suspicion.

"How is this possible? How did you do it?" He asked expectantly and just as he put up the big question the crowd started murmuring. Probably the whole village had gathered up by then.

In the middle of this brief chaos a group of small kids broke through the adults and ran towards her.

"Was it a big fight?" An excited girl made a somersault and kicked the air as she landed.

A boy followed her close and swinged his wooden hatchet. "I would've taken a hundred of them!"

A sleepy one yawned and tugged at her ice dress, pointing at someone between the people back there. "Can I sleep with my dad now? He's over 'ere, he'd been on duty all night long."

Another girl was just staring at her with wide eyes and dropped bottom lip as if Elsa was her ultimate idol.

The last boy was tripping in his own feet as he hastily tried to pull up his boots in the middle of running. But his mother and another few parents were following close, muttering and rebuking them with tired but somewhat funny annoyance.

But Elsa didn't know how to react to anything, all she could do was just snap her look from person to person, spinning left and right and up and down until she felt dizzy. She gulped at the sudden waves of questions and expectations and various faces with various expressions and reactions.

 _How did you do it? -_ she honestly didn't know... she just _did it._

To her relief, Yelena took action before she could blurt out or just do anything stupid.

"Let her breathe!" She yelled, demanding and earning silence in a matter of seconds - even the kids halted as their parents dragged them away.

"The danger is gone and this is the most important." Yelena continued. "Our questions shall be all discussed once the elders gather at sunrise, but until then my fellow friends: be patient."

Finally she turned to Elsa and spoke quieter. "Go to sleep and make up with _her_. Tomorrow we'll talk."

Elsa's eyes widened. _She couldn't possibly have been told about it, right?_

But before she could react, Yelena hurried away - it was such an annoying habit of hers.

Ámmon was eyeing Elsa the whole time, fiddling with his white, thinly braided beard - a pair of narrowed white eyes that still pierced with emotionless distrust, but already with less intensity. Elsa felt the hair on her back stand on the edge when they accidentally locked gazes, but somewhere deep she hoped it was a start. And strangely enough as the realization hit her, she just came a little closer to understand Maren's desire to earn this man's respect. He didn't even stir as the people slowly began to disperse away, towards their own homes - he just kept watching from a few metres.

And when everyone was gone, he finally moved... towards her. Elsa's gut twitched but she kept her cool, straightening herself. Ámmon didn't say anything until he reached her and even after he did, he just stayed silent as if to gather his words - eyes never leaving Elsa's.

"You and Yelena are not the only ones who had been studying and thinking." His tone was measured and thoughtful, but far less mocking and colt than before. "The River has finally called you again, am I right?"

Elsa didn't answer. It wasn't a question, she knew that much.

"I still haven't figured how, but you kept your second promise. Good. Ahtohallan seems to halt her urge to kill us all once again, but I'm well aware it's not just about her. Let's see if you can deal with the _bigger picture."_

_Nature._

Elsa bore his gaze the whole time and at the end she just saluted. The man did the same and was gone for the rest of the night.

Looking at all that whiteness almost physically hurt after a while - given that she herself had a similar look with her blonde hair and ice dress and pale skin, she sometimes wondered if she had the same effect on people.

Nevertheless, Elsa needed that warm set of caramel, brown, and _honey_ now.

* * *

Honeymaren had to sneak away at some point. It didn't mean she wanted to let Elsa down, moreover it meant the opposite. She went away, back into the woods to take a vow.

She could barely breathe and she couldn't guess whether it was nervousness, thrill or both.

_"What do I want? The lack of warmth is killing her._  
_Am I here to just stagger, like a tiny timid girl?"_

She began quietly, her throat getting used to these new tunes she had taken from Elsa. She took them so that she could answer the questions Elsa had sang out loud a few hours ago.

_"Or am I going to be the woman who she needs?_  
_Who knows deep down, it is okay how she feels?"_

_Are you good for her?_ She thought.

_"Every day's a little harder, as I see her lose her ground..._  
_Don't you dare let her go, hold onto her tight!"_

Elsa may have been clueless, she may have overreacted and hurt her, but Maren understood. It was just a funny thing about love: you could easily forgive. 

_"Her presence has changed_  
_Everything in its path,_  
_Show her it's normal just_  
_L_ _oving a woman!"_

And the wind was the witness of her own voice as it carried the melody away, far away to let every tree, animal, Spirit and Human know that she was going to win the Fifth Spirit.

The constant, intensifying headache could wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ba dumm, ts. I owed you the Into The Unknown reprise by Maren.


	16. Maren and sigils

Elsa practically sprinted through the village to reach Maren's lavvu, but she quickly turned disappointed as she tore open the door, only to find the room empty. Where was Maren?

She sighed, plopped onto the bed, and just waited.

Minutes seemed like hours, even though they must've been just... mere minutes.

She was a bit scared though, to be honest. Scared of what to expect from this conversation, but mostly of the future.

The sigil.

They had been so focused on the Beast that those rhomb shaped symbols were completely forgotten. But now it seemed like they were a more important piece of this puzzle than they originally thought. So Elsa tried to remember all the times she had seen sigils like that, all their forms she's ever encountered.

_Think._

_But w_ _here is she?_

_Not now, think!_

Ahtohallan was the first that came to mind: she had used her magic to allign all the sigils of the four elements around the symbol of the Fifth Spirit, and then she had stepped on it, ultimately unlocking the Chamber of Memories - as Elsa and Yelena named it a few days ago while studying Ahtohallan. Her symbol had appeared then, although not framed in the shape of a rhomb.

That could possibly lead to somewhere... but it wasn't such a strong example.

Then, however, Elsa had another occasion in mind... she was surprised she even remembered. It happened on that particular night she had invoked the four Spirits. She'd sang the same tunes as a few hours ago - debating between her duties as Queen of Arendelle and that alluring voice that turned out to be the River's call. Throwing herself into the unknown.

It was funny how she turned to these melodies each time Ahtohallan called, but then again the realization made her think of Honeymaren.

She was still absent.

 _Maybe she left... into the unknown,_ stupid thoughts rang in her head.

_Gods, why is it so hard to deal with these at once?_

Elsa used to be good at divided attention. For Spirits' sake, she used to be the _queen_ of an over thousand years old monarchy. But her thoughts now were swirling in her head: sigils and Maren, Maren and sigils.

_Focus._

Anyway, she remembered running towards the edge of a cliff and then swinging her arms, and next she knew there had been the sound of ice exploding, and the air in Arendelle had been stuffed with those sigils. Hundreds of those inscriptions: fire, air, water and earth. They would float in the air, filling all in Arendelle until she would touch it and they would shatter and fall, calling the four elements to chase the people out.

"Could there be...?" She wondered aloud.

Could there have been a few sigils of the Fifth Spirit? Scattered across the sky, lost in the crowd of the four elements?

She couldn't stay still, even though her other half was desperate to finally face Honeymaren. She needed to see that broken sigil _right now_ , so she stood up - once again hoping Maren would show up but she didn't -, and exited the lavvu to find Yelena.

She was tired, but the thrill of getting another step closer to the final solution just made her forget it for a while.

* * *

"What did I tell you?" Yelena scoffed as she stood with a hand on her hip, facing a frustrated and thrilled Elsa literally barging into her own lavvu.

"I know, I know you told me to wait it out, but I just kept thinking and-"

Yelena's face was still stoick as she cut her off flatly. "You know you had literally just shoved aside the guards to break into the personal area of their Leader."

The brief silence after her statement let them hear the pained groans of the two men from outside.

"If you weren't the Fifth Spirit, you'd be in trouble."

Elsa, suddenly aware of her unusually rude action, immediately halted and put a nervous hand on the back of her neck.

"I- I apologise." She muttered with a sheepish smile and when Yelena's expression softened into a small, playful grin she let out a short breath. "I just couldn't sit alone doing nothing after what just happened." She explained.

"Of course you couldn't..."

Yelena's grin broke into sadness at that, and while she gestured at Elsa to follow her, the involuntar but sincere words just kept leaving her wrinkled mouth.

"Nattura didn't use to cry. The only ones who had ever been able to see him break into tears were his wife and me. Though - it didn't mean he was an emotionless, hardened man. His view of the World simply didn't let him become depressed over the things that _he could change."_

It made sense. Elsa could've learned much from him. However, the way Yelena's tone switched clearly indicated the arrival of a 'but'.

" _But_ there was something he wasn't sure he could ever help and it was the conflict between Humans and Spirits. He was so disappointed, so... angry at the fact that we would have no choice but to leave such a heavy, such a sick legacy to you."

They were slowly approaching the Spiritual region, the tent that hugged the ancient World Map. When they arrived, Yelena turned back to Elsa, probably to present the conclusion of her trail of thoughts.

"This is why I sometimes keep forcing you to just relax for a while and forget about everything... I am sorry."

Did her voice tremble this time, or it was just her imagination? Elsa's brows knitted because this wasn't quite what she expected.

"Why would you be sorry for your affection?" She asked in confusion.

At this point, the elder herself was almost in tears.

"Because my other half keeps doing it out of a selfish need to ease my conscience."

Elsa has never seen her like this and it was shocking, so all she could do was pull the elder into a reassuring embrace - though she couldn't help the sudden rush of anger in her voice as she spoke next.

"Like you said, you never would've attacked first. And you hadn't. The guilt shan't haunt _anybody_ of you but _my grandfather."_ She felt the frustration within her grow and pulled away. "I'm the one who should be sorry - in _his_ name."

Yelena's smile was bittersweet but wide.

"You children are all innocent - we could argue about this all night long. But y'know what? We _can_ change this now, so let's not be sorry in vain."

And then Elsa saw that familiar, determined glint in her eyes return. This tent with the World Map was the place where they could focus on the duty at hand, and for the time being they installed a broad table, a board to visualise thoughts, and a few shelves to store old notes, diaries and legends that might were able to help. Now they ignited the torches under the tent and meanwhile Elsa told Yelena about the empty socket that had emitted a violet flash before the ice ermine had vanished away.

"Are we even sure we won?" Elsa asked when she was done.

"We never were." Said Yelena, shaking her head as she unlocked a tiny chest that contained the remains of the sigil. "If this thing came with a magical being that just turned into mist within mere moments, I'm darn sure it shouldn't be lying here in pieces."

Elsa carefully took the pieces and placed them together on the table.

"Say the sigils literally represent us Spirits and this lonely one is me. It's logical, right?"

Yelena hummed in agreement. "Indeed. The four elemental Spirits may take their own form, I mean their own vessel for their immortal beings, but that doesn't mean they are not present everywhere in the World."

"Exactly!"

"This is why they'd been able to appear within moments to chase you out of Arendelle in order to save you from the incoming flood. They didn't have to take their physical vessels right there because the elements can be found everywhere."

"Do you think this could've been there too?" Elsa asked, pointing at the shattered rhomb.

"It's possible, if given that our theory is true and it was made for the Fifth Spirit." Yelena walked across the room to the board where they'd been taking notes the past days. "Though I'm still not sure how the sigil was connected to the Beast."

One note said: _'Fifth Spirit's sigil as a life source, Beasts sent to capture Elsa?'_

"But let us forget that thing for a moment and concentrate on the Beast. We excluded every single creature from all our legends and myths, so we said the Beast was something entirely new. We assumed it was after you because Nature thinks you're a threat." The elder pondered. "Which is still quite accurate to say, only I'm not sure about _this part_ anymore."

And she pointed at one specific section of the sentence.

Elsa's brows knitted. "But if it wasn't sent to get me or the Spirits, what was the point of its existence?"

Yelena stared at the sigil on the table, eyes narrowed, and she didn't move or answer until she nodded to herself and chuckled.

"Elsa dear... Can you tear yourself into two?"

Elsa sighed and muttered. "You're coming with the dumb tricky questions aga-"

But the deadly look she received immediately made her answer.

"-no, I mean no."

She almost let out a relieved breath when Yelena stopped looking at her like that.

"So you can't be at two places at once like the elemental Spirits, right?"

The picture was almost completed.

"Are you saying that the difference between me and the Spirits is connected to the Beast?"

Yelena grinned and clapped her palms together. "Splendid!" And with that, she grabbed a strand of cloth to erase the writing on the board, editing it with a piece of coal like this:

_'Fifth Spirit's sigil as a life source? Beast reflects Elsa'._

Elsa's eyes widened. "You... you think it was really _me?_ But you just said..."

"Yes, the Fifth Spirit is within you, you're its one and only manifestation. _But_ I think the Beast was sent to _teach_ you. To train you. Why do you think we would keep telling you to embrace your soul, your youth and the feelings you haven't explored yet?"

"Wait, so you knew this the whole time?"

Yelena shook her head. "No, but we watched your struggle and we saw how it's been drastically endangering your focus on duty, and most importantly: your wellbeing."

"And so did Ahtohallan..."

Yelena walked back towards a shocked Elsa to pat her shoulder. "The transformation of the Beast was literally _you_ transforming your Spirit. It took us a long time, but we finally figured out."

_It was the mirror of your inner frustration about Maren. Wait- d_ _oes Yelena know your nerves were caused by her?_

Elsa had to let it sink. She dropped her gaze to the shattered sigil in front of her and said nothing for a while.

"Only we still don't know what to do with this thing." She muttered at last, dragging an exhausted hand along her face. Maybe it was an act of annoyance and mild desperation, but she knew that wasn't true - she tried to shake herself up from the growing tiredness that was capturing her step by step.

"Not yet. But now we have a clue." Yelena announced and scribbled another note onto the board.

_'Sigils represent Spirits: elements are infinite, F.S. is limited. What did we shatter?_ _Why did the Beast have it?_ _'_

Elsa's sigh turned into an involuntar yawn when she read the question at the end. "I have a bad feeling about this."

The elder could read her mind.

"Those elemental sigils in Arendelle may have been ruined under your touch but the Spirits are safe and sound. This sigil here is ruined as well but you're safe and sound. We don't know much about this yet and until then we can't afford to worry about it."

"Easier said than done..."

Yelena smiled warmly. "I know you want to solve this. So do I. But now _really_ let that be the question of tomorrow." Then her smile faded. "Though there's still one question for you to answer today. To be honest I presumed you would come... But talking to Honeymaren is just as unavoidable and important."

_Honeymaren._

Elsa hung her head and sighed again - she didn't even care how Yelena knew about them anymore. She effortlessly gave it to the years of experience and the cliche wisdom of elders.

"I swear I'm not avoiding her but I... I really hurt her." She pressed out eventually.

"She'll understand. But it doesn't matter who you care for because love is between two _people._ You don't choose gender but a person - you know that, right?"

Elsa let her lips curl into a timid but genuine smile which the elder mirrored. It was a silent signal of acceptance, one that Elsa had been fearing the lack of - and moreover the _opposite of -_ for so long. But it was okay. It was totally fine to be this way.

"I think I do."

"Then go. Nature will give you a break."

* * *

So Elsa went. Elsa _ran_ , hoping Maren would be finally at home, and her heart took a thrilled jump into her throat when she saw a thin trail of smoke emerging from atop the lavvu, warm light seeping from the tiny sewn gaps on the leather and wood here and there.

She halted. Was she supposed to... knock? Or what? Forming decent thoughts became harder as her body and mind was being covered by the fog of exhaustion. It was a miracle - or just the last doses of adrenaline - that she could keep running along the whole village.

She simply decided to open the door.

Honeymaren looked as if she had been waiting for her because she was turned straight into Elsa's direction, sitting in a posture that suggested her attention had long been heavily fixated on that particular door.

Another leap in her chest.

Maren's head perked up at her arrival but neither of them really moved for a few minutes.

"You disappeared." Elsa blurted out.

"It wasn't because-"

"I know. Don't be sorry."

Silence. They're just staring into each other's eyes from afar until Maren hesitantly stands up - or at least that's what Elsa sees through her blurred vision.

"Are you okay?" She asks, though she doesn't move an inch.

Elsa's eyebrows furrow with worry as she remembers Maren falling from that tree and clutching her aching head all the way along.

"Are _you_ okay?"

Maren scoffs softly and rolls her eyes. "You can't answer my question with _my_ question."

Elsa huffs in annoyance. " _You_ can't answer _my_ question with _my_ answer!"

Silence. Piercing looks given.

" _Dumbass_. You know that doesn't make sense, right?" Maren announces flatly.

Elsa gasps as the outrage blossoms on her face in bright red and out of nowhere it gives her one last push of adrenaline. Has _anyone_ ever _dared_ to call her like that?

"At- At least I'm a _proud_ dumbass!" She counters but it doesn't seem to work for the girl who just shrugs it off with an effortless response.

"And I'm still very _proud_ to be the first to speak the truth about it."

How did she know?

"Ugh, you're impossible!" Elsa shrieks pathetically.

Maren raises her own voice even higher, pointing at Elsa. " _You're_ impossible!"

"Alright then- fuck you!"

"No! Fuck _me!"_

Two pairs of eyes go wide.

"What?" Elsa asks.

"What?" Maren repeats, red like the raspberry she loves to eat.

"I asked first."

"For Spirit's sake, it's nothing!"

They both just groan in all of a sudden, throwing arms in the air simultaneously.

And then...

Silence. Longer.

They both sigh and look away in childish defeat. Do they feel guilty for speaking to each other in such an ugly way? They don't know.

"Look Elsa, I-"   
"Look Maren, I-"

"Shut up Maren!" Elsa literally yells at her, but her voice is rather pained this time. She pinches the bridge of her nose, and the girl is so taken aback by the uncommon behaviour that she obeys without the slightest protest.

"Just... listen."

But it's been a long day and the immense exhaustion was on its way to consume her completely, especially after this burst of annoyance and shouting. Moment by moment it was harder and harder to keep herself together: the lack of sleep, her frustration and the release of that raw magic that had transformed the Beast now drained her dry from her energy, leaving her flesh and bones lifeless. Begging for rest.

"I need to talk to you." She whined weakly as she stumbled to Maren and they almost fell over when their heads collided. Maren grunted as if she was in serious pain, which was surprising because their collision wasn't that hard.

"Do you still have that headache?" Elsa asked as she secured herself by holding onto Maren's neck, the girl's breathing against her own.

She has only ever been drunk twice in her life and she could swear she was drunk again if she didn't know it was just her tiredness.

"It's okay." Maren murmured.

They were close and through their distant consciousness they knew it - they were panting heavily as they clutched into one another. Honeymaren dug her fingers into Elsa's shoulders whilst Elsa's arms sunk below to her middle, sinking her head into the girl's soft hair and letting the open skin of her neck shiver as Maren's bangs lightly grazed over it. Neither of them wanted to let go, even though their minds were long lost.

There was one thing they both knew had to be fixed.

"I want to-" Elsa began again, without success. The intoxicating feeling of this woman being so close once again didn't let her speak.

So instead, she lifted her head to ghost her lips across Maren's cheek.

"You want to kiss me?" The girl breathed out.

It probably would've been enough to just nod, but through the fog of her approaching dreams Elsa knew she had to be clear this time - she stopped being oblivious, she didn't want to misguide this precious girl ever again, not even by accident like last time.

_She had been courting you._

"Yes." Said she over the drumming in her ears.

So they shifted beneath each other's arms to align their faces, ready and hungry to do what seemed like a huge mistake the first time they had done it. It happened barely a few hours ago, yet it seemed like years regarded how much had just happened altogether this night. This time, Elsa let herself be guided as a sign that she officially gave herself to Maren. She needed the girl to know that she was done debating, fearing and playing.

And finally, _finally_ they kissed and it was magnificent and warm and starving, it was a perfect balance of taking and giving. The natural dynamic of their lips exploring every inch of physical and emotional love - the unexplainable attraction of true lovers - was just so overwhelming to experience that Elsa's pulse threatened to make her faint. And most importantly: no magic slipped this time.

Maybe after all, she needed this exhaustion to strip herself from her walls so that even her upper levels of consciousness could approve of these feelings towards this woman.

It wasn't a long kiss though, because they broke it to stumble aback and fall onto the bed. Maybe this was one of the longest nights of their lives, so they deserved to sleep it out - once again, together. Both passed out.


End file.
